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[scriver]

Nah, you can't say it's the same, because when you go out and meet people you actually go out and meet and socialise with people, something which you can't do online or through video games.

[MaxTheFox]

Nah, you can't say it's the same, because when you go out and meet people you actually go out and meet and socialise with people, something which you can't do online or through video games.

Why is it so important? As long as you have enough social skills to talk well to people, say, at work or in college (which is easy to pick up over the internet) or whatever then you wouldn't have any problems with life. "Loneliness" is hardly a thing anymore unless you have no internet.

Yes I didn't really experience meeting friends IRL regularly much aside from certain close people (including my lover). I don't feel like I missed out on much. Sure I played videogames with my few friends in the same room (and sometimes still do). Not much else.

[scriver]

Internet does not provide any recourse for loneliness. It is an enabler of loneliness.

[MaxTheFox]

Internet does not provide any recourse for loneliness. It is an enabler of loneliness.

If your definition of loneliness is "not talking much to people in real life", then I don't care about being lonely.

[ChairmanPoo]

I dont know. I think internet communities have kept me more or less sane despite my lonely lifestyle.

I have my ups and downs

[MorleyDev]

The internet is also the tool used to organise my social life in my late-teenage years. Got invited to a lot of house parties over Facebook Events. My first girlfriend and me got to know each other as friends first by chatting on MSN, which probably wouldn't have happened between an awkward and shy teenage girl and an awkward, shy and autistic teenage boy with pure in-person conversations.

A defining trait of modern ICT is it's not something that can be restricted to positive usages when invented. Anything that can be used for good can be used for evil, and you can't develop tools that only the 'good guys' can use or protect against the 'bad guys' without locking the 'good guys' out. It's why things like backdoors for police are fundementally flawed, but it extends beyond that. Social media can be used to expose injustice and to spread misinformation, and to throw it away entirely would mean the sacrifice of the former to prevent the latter.

[MrRoboto75]

Well whenever I go out I'm borderline invisible with the only real interaction being outright hostility, on account of being an ugly autistic man.  Maybe if that were different I'd try considering leaving the computer.

Find better places to hang out at. 95% of places to go out and have fun at might suck, but I've found that (at least over here) there's always still a few nice places where people don't judge.
And yeah it's scary to go out and find those.  What worked for me is getting jobs in pubs, bars, music avenues, pop festivals.  Being one of the staff gives both a valid reason to go out and be there, as well as a layer of protection against intolerant dumbasses.
Plus, it's a lot of fun.

I'very tried many many times and have been disappointed by almost every single one.

[nenjin]

Nah, you can't say it's the same, because when you go out and meet people you actually go out and meet and socialise with people, something which you can't do online or through video games.

I mean, I hung out with a group of 40 to 60 people playing WoW. Met a girl. Hooked up.

Just because you're not staring at each other's faces and trying to make small talk doesn't mean you're not socializing playing video games. I'd even argue, depending on the game, you get a completely different kind of socializing. Ever tried to organize 40 strangers into a cooperative activity? If that's not socializing I don't know what is.

Even playing XBox Live with a bunch of teenagers is socializing, albeit one of the least pleasant ones because they're just trolling each other and talking shit all the time. And yet.....given a live social setting, they'd probably be doing many of the same things.

[scriver]

Internet does not provide any recourse for loneliness. It is an enabler of loneliness.

If your definition of loneliness is "not talking much to people in real life", then I don't care about being lonely.

And that may be fine for you. But it ain't fine for the majority of people.

[MaxTheFox]

Internet does not provide any recourse for loneliness. It is an enabler of loneliness.

If your definition of loneliness is "not talking much to people in real life", then I don't care about being lonely.

And that may be fine for you. But it ain't fine for the majority of people.

Well look at the other replies here and see if it's indeed a majority. Or hold a street poll or something. Prove that the majority of people actually cares. You're the one arguing. The burden of proof is on you.

[MorleyDev]

I was fortunate growing up to have friends in my life willing to boop me on the nose when I made missteps, and I took what they told and tried to modulate my behaviour and refine myself. Took awhile, teenage me definitely didn't do that very well. But I was able to be 'broken' in ways that took me from flailing at hugs, to simply freezing, to a tentative hug back. Still don't give good hugs,  still don't like hugs, but I can do that now. I recognise that other people like them and if I care about other people I should be willing to put their needs over mine, because that's what caring means. And they understand I don't give 'good' hugs but can still appreciate the effort, which is something people do when they understand and care about your needs to. And I've come to view that as the meeting-in-the-middle that equal social interaction is.

It took time and effort, and you need to be lucky enough to find people willing to help you with that. I'm not saying you don't have this or don't try, merely expressing that it's always important to remember social interaction is a two-way street. It takes effort and thought and it's stressful and tiring, but I found it is possible to learn coping mechanisms that can offset the natural instincts of autism. But it does require meeting people willing to give you the patience. Autism Support Groups are a thing in the UK, and there are game shops that had regular meetups for people to play DnD or Magic or whatever. I don't know where you live or what's available nearby or in traveling distance though. I can only speak from my experiences at the end of the day.

[MrRoboto75]

More like I'd have to do 100% of the legwork.  Even my friends and family barely ever start anything and I have to go out of my way every single time to hear anything from them.  And then I have to repeat myself three times for every sentence do somebody even listens.  It is absolutely fucking exausting having the sole responsibility for every single interaction even occuring at all, much less going well which they often do not.

And support for autism only exists when you are younger than 18.  After that nobody cares and you can go fuck yourself.

[scriver]

Nah, you can't say it's the same, because when you go out and meet people you actually go out and meet and socialise with people, something which you can't do online or through video games.

I mean, I hung out with a group of 40 to 60 people playing WoW. Met a girl. Hooked up.

What you're saying is that you met a girl online who you then went on to have a real relationship with.

Just because you're not staring at each other's faces and trying to make small talk doesn't mean you're not socializing playing video games. I'd even argue, depending on the game, you get a completely different kind of socializing. Ever tried to organize 40 strangers into a cooperative activity? If that's not socializing I don't know what is.

Even playing XBox Live with a bunch of teenagers is socializing, albeit one of the least pleasant ones because they're just trolling each other and talking shit all the time. And yet.....given a live social setting, they'd probably be doing many of the same things.

No, that's exactly what it is. Socialising is not just talking to each other. It's actually experiencing the people around you who you are taking with. Being looked at, expressions, body language, sensations and presence, that is what socialising is. And that's not a thing people get out of looking at a screen. And thus we have grown into the loneliest generation.

[MorleyDev]

More like I'd have to do 100% of the legwork.  Even my friends and family barely ever start anything and I have to go out of my way every single time to hear anything from them.  And then I have to repeat myself three times for every sentence do somebody even listens.  It is absolutely fucking exausting having the sole responsibility for every single interaction even occuring at all, much less going well which they often do not.

And support for autism only exists when you are younger than 18.  After that nobody cares and you can go fuck yourself.

Look at it this way, a person with autism is starting from a point-of-view that the neurotypical physically cannot understand, like telling a shark your legs hurt. So the initial work to understand them and modulate your behaviour will be more heavily on you, and the thing you need to ask of them is patience and understanding. A willingness to stop and consider your own behaviour in the context of other people is a key skill people should learn as they move into adulthood, and if they can't offer that then like an unfortunate many number of people they have some growing up to do of their own.

When I search on https://www.autism.org.uk I find multiple groups for adults within 10 miles of me in the UK. If groups aren't out there, as difficult as it would be, why not reach out to a charity that runs the for children/teenagers/parents groups and enquire about if they considered a for-adults one?

I mean, now isn't the time anyway for face-to-face meetups for obvious reasons so lots of them have gone online to zoom or whatever (webcams still give you that practice looking at body language and trying to look at eyes or fake it with looking at the nose and whatnot. Maybe even a better place to practice since could be less overwhelming way to get started than diving in the deep-end, so-to-speak).

[MrRoboto75]

Cool, the UK is only one ocean away from me.  The US doesn't care about its citizens.

People literally skip the tolerance part and go straight to anger or mockery because the exact amount of eye contact wasn't made or because I didn't smile or laugh at what must be the worst comedy on the planet.  I'm just tired of being blamed on people treating me like some sort of alien or monster because I was basically born broken from the start.