If you look at the fora you'll find lots of complaints about lack of sieges. The key to getting sieges, in my experience, is to make sure your embark is the closest target of a Dark Tower (goblin main site) and no crummy Dark Pits (minor goblin sites) are closer. In addition, you should check that the sites are actually controlled by a goblin civ (they can be conquered by others). I'd follow that up with looking at exported Legends Mode info to ensure that site actually has a healthy goblin population. Also note that goblins don't attack you before your population reaches 80, unless the corresponding parameters are changed. Black Towers (necros) don't care about population, but they're small (rarely 100 strong) and have a range of only 10. It is a bit of a challenge if they decide to visit during the first summer.
The claim that DF is insanely difficult is, in my view, a harmful myth. It's big and complex, but unless you suffer a major case of bad luck you should have no problems playing it safe (which is a reason a lot of players set up their own restrictions, such as not using traps).
Well, I hate tedium. And DF is tedious, all of it is. The lack of a proper UI, the lack of properly implemented commands, etc (manager still needs work, stockpiles/workshops still need work, etc).
But you're right, it's not hard per say if you'd have a guide, but otherwise it's hard because of a lack of a tutorial, the UI (a lack of mouse support is... Damning) and the sometimes needless micromanagement (besides bugs).
With all that said, I've enjoyed my time playing it, but it took me a very long time to get over these issues, I'm a new player as in, it's my first time in which I properly take the game up and play it without stopping midway out of sheer annoyance. This is to answer the last bit of the post (I'm agreeing with you on the matter of difficulty). What gave me the motivation to go on is exactly those moments of !FUN! as the community calls them, and I'm sure I'll get some later on (I still haven't got over 5 years in a fortress, that's because the computer I'm currently on lags and DF crashes and corrupts my saves), but instead of impossible difficulty, I was more talking about just epic moments, difficult or not.
Although, I believe that these difficult moments happened more often in older versions, or am I wrong? Isn't this 80 pop requirement and the need for armies to walk on the world map only something that happened recently? Are the newer versions made to be easier, or is it just me?
EDIT: I actually am curious, you guys seem to be playing for a very long time already, how long does it take you to start a metal industry and overall, what are the industries that you usually pick up (e.g. I know it's on a case to case basis depending on what you have on the map, but I'm sure you have preferences). I tend to do everything that I can possibly do.
And now that I mentioned the manager, is there any way to do something about bone or wood related products (e.g. I want bone bolts and wood bolts, but I can't pick simply WOOD and BONE as material options in the manager) and do you have any tips for the manager to go smoother than usual? Also, how much food and drink do you guys stockpile usually?
EDIT2: Are there any plans on changing food/drink in some way that we don't end up with stockpiles of infinite food and drink? Where can I see what changes we'll have in the future (I cant see anything in the patreon)?