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Author Topic: misko27 has no questions.  (Read 5623 times)

NRDL

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Re: misko27 asks: Dates, how do they work?
« Reply #15 on: October 09, 2016, 12:52:29 am »

Hey, at least you've had a girlfriend  :P

In all seriousness though, if you really want to find patented techniques for flirting, google it.  Here: http://theartofcharm.com/flirting-and-attraction/flirting-tips-guys/ .  Info seems solid, the "push-pull" technique and such is something I've actually heard of before, if you're willing to trust info on the internet, there are actual guides to this.  Also, try this guy:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0kaR6-MIV8k

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BVYuMhjk58o

I watch him for other stuff mainly, he's a really interesting source of info. 

The advice that I'm more interested in giving is internal; finding the right attitude in order to change your perception on flirting/dating/romantic human interaction in general.  It all starts from within.  Figuring out why you're not comfortable talking to girls, why you're not comfortable trying things without a plan, learning more about yourself is the first step to dealing with them.

Next steps could include writing plans of action down so they're not just ephemeral ideas in your head, quickly forgotten as soon as they came.  Find situations where you are inherently comfortable, then search for the safest options to practice flirting with attractive women in your immediate vicinity.  Look up positive thinking and mental attitude adjustment in general, so you can level up your overall game in being a functioning human being, not just in dating ( but there will be obvious benefits that spill over ). 

So many ideas, plans, etc.  Obvious advice is, you wanna get good at flirting, practice flirting.  Overcoming the FEAR of getting yourself into sticky or awkward situations is paramount, otherwise no amount of advice will set your mind at ease and you won't be able to move forward with what you want. 
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Jimmy

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Re: misko27 asks: Dates, how do they work?
« Reply #16 on: October 09, 2016, 03:30:42 am »

Yep, fake it 'till you make it.

Seriously, girls aren't that complex. They're more or less like guys, having their own balls of insecurities and uncertainties, awkwardnesses and feelings of inadequacy. Even more so, since society tends to judge females far more harshly than males over their physical and social status. They've got the advantage of traditionally playing the passive role in the relationship too, and therefore most young girls without experience in relationships will wait for the guy to make the first move.

So if you want to experience a relationship, go out there and make the first move. Be true to yourself but box up your inhibitions and force yourself to strive to be outgoing and forward.

You will face rejection. Accept it. Nobody wins at everything, and sometimes you're going to flirt with a girl that doesn't want a relationship, that is holding out for a relationship with someone else, or who just doesn't see you as their type. Brush it off and move on. You seriously cannot expect to strike out every single time, and eventually there's going to be someone that responds to your advances. The more experience you gain, the more confidence you gain too. To use an age old proverb, there's plenty of fish in the sea.

And if I might act the part of the cynic, don't buy into the Hollywood crap about soul-mates and love at first sight. A real relationship is hard work, will have bad as well as good days, and statistically will fail about one in three times even after marriage. It's important to ensure that anyone you see as being a long term prospect shares a hell of a lot in common, both with regards to being physically compatible as well as sharing long term life goals. You're at the perfect age for this, when you're young enough to be malleable to still change as a person but old enough to commit to a serious relationship. Use the time you have now wisely if you want to lock in something for your future.
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misko27

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Re: misko27 asks: Dates, how do they work?
« Reply #17 on: October 09, 2016, 12:03:07 pm »

Hey, at least you've had a girlfriend  :P
And you haven't? Jeez the blind leading the blind.

Quote
In all seriousness though, if you really want to find patented techniques for flirting, google it.  Here: http://theartofcharm.com/flirting-and-attraction/flirting-tips-guys/ .  Info seems solid, the "push-pull" technique and such is something I've actually heard of before, if you're willing to trust info on the internet, there are actual guides to this.  Also, try this guy:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0kaR6-MIV8k

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BVYuMhjk58o

I watch him for other stuff mainly, he's a really interesting source of info. 
I'll take a look.

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The advice that I'm more interested in giving is internal; finding the right attitude in order to change your perception on flirting/dating/romantic human interaction in general.  It all starts from within.  Figuring out why you're not comfortable talking to girls, why you're not comfortable trying things without a plan, learning more about yourself is the first step to dealing with them.
Why? Probably a lot of reasons. A lot of them beyond the scope of this thread. I'm seeing a therapist, actually. Why am I uncomfortable? I've never done it before and anything I've never done before scares me. Why am I so reliant on a plan? I'm not in general, but when it comes to something like this a plan is an actual way of holding myself to doing something I find uncomfortable. Not using a plan means I won't do it. Literally, I tried asking her out twice and still couldn't do it! That's all the proof you need.

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Find situations where you are inherently comfortable, then search for the safest options to practice flirting with attractive women in your immediate vicinity.  Look up positive thinking and mental attitude adjustment in general, so you can level up your overall game in being a functioning human being, not just in dating ( but there will be obvious benefits that spill over ).
hmm. I'm not sure what that would be. I like this advice, but... hmm. I generally don't put myself in places where flirting is normal/expected. I'd need to become comfortable with that first. I don't know.

Yep, fake it 'till you make it.
That's the plan.

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Seriously, girls aren't that complex. They're more or less like guys, having their own balls of insecurities and uncertainties, awkwardnesses and feelings of inadequacy. Even more so, since society tends to judge females far more harshly than males over their physical and social status. They've got the advantage of traditionally playing the passive role in the relationship too, and therefore most young girls without experience in relationships will wait for the guy to make the first move.
I don't have problems with women or girls in general, honest. I grew up in a female-dominated household, and hell my freaking roommates are all girls. I'm not uncomfortable around girls in general, I'm uncomfortable when romance is involved. In fact, until I had female friends I was always uncomfortable around girls, but after that I became much more comfortable precisely because I had some tools to work with. But I'm still as scared of romance as I ever was.

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The more experience you gain, the more confidence you gain too. To use an age old proverb, there's plenty of fish in the sea.
This is just preaching to the choir now. I know that! It's just the first couple fish that are going to give me a hard time. Let me put it a different way: I have ADD, and I struggle to do anything I'm not motivated to do. And being scared is pretty much the same as being unmotivated.

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And if I might act the part of the cynic, don't buy into the Hollywood crap about soul-mates and love at first sight. A real relationship is hard work, will have bad as well as good days, and statistically will fail about one in three times even after marriage. It's important to ensure that anyone you see as being a long term prospect shares a hell of a lot in common, both with regards to being physically compatible as well as sharing long term life goals. You're at the perfect age for this, when you're young enough to be malleable to still change as a person but old enough to commit to a serious relationship. Use the time you have now wisely if you want to lock in something for your future.
Again I'm absolutely no wide-eyed idealist. Absolutely not. I completely understand and agree with you about dating. Dating is the process by which you learn whether you want to spend time with a person, and by casting your net wide you increase the odds of running into someone you like. And in terms of relationships, again, I was in a relationship with a girl for nine months, and we even lived together for half of that. I know that relationships take work and everything. I am willing to put in that work, and I've done it before so it doesn't scare me.

My insecurities are deep, and founded on issues that are beyond the scope of this thread. I'm just trying to figure out an actual plan to break past my fears of romance. Honestly, if Sophia says no, I would be fine with that. I genuinely would, and I know this to be true. My problem is that knowing that fact is not enough, on its own, to make me do it. It's still hard despite that. And because of that, I want actionable plan (and one is sort of forming) I can implement because once I've actually done it, I'll be fine, but until then I will straight up not do anything.
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Catmeat

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Re: misko27 asks: Dates, how do they work?
« Reply #18 on: October 10, 2016, 11:06:28 am »

Go up to anyone.
Ask if they want to do anything with you.
Wait for response.
Then it gets hard to predict where it will go from there as there are infinite outcomes.
Be yourself.
9 out of 10 you will fail.

Btw there are not 'plenty of fish in the sea' unless your search includes married, gay, unattractive, obese, uniterested, out of your age limits and more importantly unattractive personalitys!
Theres only a few fish. Lets be realistic.


Further terrible advice ahead.
You are an asset you have to sell. The more positives you have the easier to sell.
Get in shape if you arnt.
Look after your self and eat healty. Skin is the first thing people see. Look after it.
Wear nice clothes, get into interesting hobbies.
Equip charisma boosting rings
« Last Edit: October 10, 2016, 10:42:11 pm by Catmeat »
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Jimmy

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Re: misko27 asks: Dates, how do they work?
« Reply #19 on: October 11, 2016, 06:05:07 am »

Go up to anyone.
Ask if they want to do anything with you.
Wait for response.
Then it gets hard to predict where it will go from there as there are infinite outcomes.
Be yourself.
9 out of 10 you will fail.

Btw there are not 'plenty of fish in the sea' unless your search includes married, gay, unattractive, obese, uniterested, out of your age limits and more importantly unattractive personalitys!
Theres only a few fish. Lets be realistic.


Further terrible advice ahead.
You are an asset you have to sell. The more positives you have the easier to sell.
Get in shape if you arnt.
Look after your self and eat healty. Skin is the first thing people see. Look after it.
Wear nice clothes, get into interesting hobbies.
Equip charisma boosting rings

Nothing helps relationship advice more than statistics!

http://populationpyramid.net/

Pick your country, pick your age bracket, find out the average percentage of the population that falls within a 5 year window of your own age. Multiply percentage by total population of your current location to find approximately how many fish are in your sea. Realise you could meet one of these people each day, every day for five years and not even come close to that number. I got about four thousand females within a five year age bracket to my own based on my residential postcode. Assuming I put in the effort to actively seek out a new potential partner each week, that's about one percent of the total each year.

The math is blatantly flawed in that we assume all females within a given area are potential matches, when in fact many if not most will not be interested. Still, if even one percent of the total is single and seeking a partner, that's a new person every damned week. That's plenty of fish for my tastes.
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TheBiggerFish

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Re: misko27 asks: Dates, how do they work?
« Reply #20 on: October 11, 2016, 08:43:14 am »

@misko:Maybe ask your roommates for some advice?
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misko27

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Re: misko27 asks: Dates, how do they work?
« Reply #21 on: October 11, 2016, 07:56:34 pm »

@misko:Maybe ask your roommates for some advice?
Haha this seems like a good idea, but actually, all of my roommates have connections to my ex-girlfriend, so I don't know how willing they'd be. I did talk to one of them about it, but it was only in the vein of telling her I planned to ask a girl out and asking her experiences, and how she got her current boyfriend (Suprise: she has almost none! She mostly does online dating.)
9 out of 10 you will fail.
People keep telling me this and then wondering why I'm so nervous.

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Btw there are not 'plenty of fish in the sea' unless your search includes married,
Not a huge problem on a college campus
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gay,
Actually on my college campus this *is* a significant issue. Still, at most that still leaves 66% of girls.
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obese,
I'm not attracted to obese people so you are repeating yourself. I guess I'd be fine with a chubby girl though... haven't really thought about that.
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uniterested,
Well that's the whole point of this topic
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out of your age limits
also not a huge problem on college campuses
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more importantly unattractive personalitys!
True, but it's hard to know that ahead of time. That's the dating is for. So by your definition, and excluding the ones that don't apply because this is a college campus, people we are including are: Straight, attractive (to me, obviously), and interested. I mean a girl who fit all of these qualities (particularly "interested") would already be pretty much exactly what I'm looking for right now. Obviously there's differentiation within that group, but still. If you include "people who have personalities that I enjoy being around" as a qualifier into that group, hey that's pretty much all I want in a partner right now.

I think Jimmy's point is that there are a lot of fish as in girls in general. Obviously, the number who are compatible are more limited, but after all, statistically I should still encounter them moderately often, and I just need to notice and do something about it.
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Get in shape if you aren't.
I'm about as in shape as I want to be. Maybe my tummy could use a little trimming, but I'm physically fit, within normal weight ranges, and quite strong.
Quote
Look after yourself and eat healthily. Skin is the first thing people see. Look after it.
It's a hard man. Zits and shaving take its toll.
Quote
Wear nice clothes,
I genuinely cannot afford to be new clothes, and I already have a ton so I doubt I need it. Really my major issue is I'm completely fashion blind (anyone have tips on that, while I'm here?)
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get into interesting hobbies.
Such as? More generally, it's quite hard to have shared interests with a girl when I don't have many interests. I'm totally taking suggestions though.
Quote
Equip charisma boosting rings
Too steep for my budget :(

On an unrelated note, I'm about 99% sure a girl was trying to flirt with me on Monday. She kept smiling at me whenever I looked over, asked for my opinion when it wasn't necessary, awkwardly restarted the conversation whenever it stopped and seemed to be acting a little awkward in general. Unfortunately, we parted ways quite quickly, so I don't know if I'll see her again. (I did tell her what class I was in, and she knows where and when it is, so she has some info on me if she wants to follow up; I don't know anything about her though, beyond that she might have a class or something near where I do at that time on Mondays) I was really caught off guard by the whole thing (and it was over before I caught my bearings), and as I've said before here I freeze up a bit whenever that happens so I probably didn't come off as a font of charisma, but at least I did return her smiles so I wasn't totally anti-social.
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Catmeat

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Re: misko27 asks: What is this whole "flirting" thing you speak of.
« Reply #22 on: October 12, 2016, 12:45:43 am »

In my country we get drunk, fuck and if we enjoy eachothers company or get pregnant we have a relationship.
Sad but true, so my dating advice is terrible.

Follow your gut mate, if you think shes flirting approach her! You have a far higher chance to develop something!
Also when you are trying after a specific person you can easily look past the hoards of people chasing you. Ive done it (sorry Rhiannon)
So ignore Sophia or whoever you sit next to.
Look out for these signs.
When she looks at you but looks away when you look. This is kinda a person seeing if you see them (personaly I love it when the other keeps staring, its very dominant)
Have you ever had a random girl just appear like a ninja near you? This is another notice me tactic. It fails alot though cause people are oblivious and far to busy in their own heads.
Ive tried the ninja tactic and i failed, but my second girlfriend did it to me and it worked. Ahh such a sweet thing she was
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Insanegame27

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Re: misko27 asks: What is this whole "flirting" thing you speak of.
« Reply #23 on: October 12, 2016, 05:30:55 am »

Sorry if part/some/most/all of this post comes off as creepy, and I'm hardly qualified with women, but I can offer you a few body language and mentalism tricks.
1: When you want her to agree with you, if at all possible, get the request into HER RIGHT ear. It doubles the chance of her agreeing if you're asking her to do something.
1.1: On the other end of the scale, some manipulation can be done by getting her to disagree with you. Things you would prefer to be denied, ask her in HER LEFT ear.
1.2: Similarly to (1), look her in HER RIGHT eye when you want her to agree. LEFT eye for disagreement.
2: Another agreeing trick is to touch her lightly on the arm when asking for something you want her to agree to. This is a 'dominance is sexy' thing that society has, and works even if the subject identifies as dominant and the user of this technique as submissive.
2.1: However, if this fails, it fails horribly. And if YOU fail, you fail horribly. If you misjudge this (touch her too hard or if she ends up disagreeing anyway), she will remember you as 'the creep who tried to touch her'. I recommend only doing this once most of the other techniques listed here pass. This contact must pass as PLATONIC
3: When you want her to agree with you, nod your head. This exerts confidence and dominance (Yes, it's ANOTHER one of those subliminal 'dominance is sexy' things society has) and she will be inclined to agree with you.
3.1: See 1.1, but for the technique mentioned in 2.
4: If you can, try and teach her how to play a game. A person who is willing to let you teach them how to play a game places great trust in you and this is not missed by your subconscious. This works with any unfamiliar game, be it trading cards or D&D, so long as they don't know it beforehand.
5: BODY LANGUAGE! For a male, head up slightly, but not so much as to be looking down your nose at the other; chin out and up slightly. This gives you a more prominent jaw which indicates testosterone and makes you seem more dominant (there are a lot of these dominance is sexy things here, aren't there?). For girls, head down and chin tucked in gives your face an angled and more beautiful appearance (unlike males, this has nothing to do with hormones, just aesthetics).
5.1: Pay attention (but don't stare) at her feet. People tend to stand and sit with their feet pointed (somewhat) to the object currently occupying their attention. If the feet are angled out, she is not paying attention - a poor time to utilise many of these tricks
5.2: Pay attention to what you and her are holding! People are more serious when they are holding something heavy, and less serious when holding something light. Adjust your banter accordingly.
5.2.1: Speaking of banter, NAMES. Repeat her name frequently, but don't overdo it. "So, Sophia, what do you like to ..." as opposed to 'So, what do you like to do..." It makes them like you more and is one of the more foolproof methods here
6: If going for any physical contact, make sure the body part is warm. If (for example) your hand is cold and you shake hands, her subconscious goes 'oh, hey, cold hands. I don't like that.' The opposite is true for warm hands.
7: If you suspect she isn't saying everything about a situation or is edging around it, yet you must know the answer: Look at her best friend, who will usually give the subject's actual feelings about a topic away with her body language.
7.e: This needs an example to be clear. If you ask her whether she likes coffee (a good lead up into MANIPULATION tactic 1), and she seems to skirt the question, look at her best friend (if present). Her best friend will subconsciously give her away with a nod or shake of the head when the question is asked - it is easy to miss, and looking away from your target while asking isn't a great idea.


OUTRIGHT MANIPULATION:
1: Get her a drink of coffee. Just like the right-ear/eye trick above, this increases your chances of her agreeing with you - but if she disagrees, it will be more of a disagreement than if she hadn't had a coffee.
2: Horror movies: My personal favourite manipulative tactic. There is a reason couples often start relationships at the movies, doubly so if said movie is a horror movie. At first, this seems counter-intuitive; however, think about this: When you get a fright, or other effect of a horror movie such as adrenaline reactions, your heart starts beating FAST. This makes your brain spin into overdrive and your brain rationalises this fear into an attraction to your partner/date. Your partner will have the same reaction. This method usually never fails unless the movie was incredibly poor (and even then you can laugh it off and increase the relationship). The hardest part is convincing her to see a horror movie
3: People in shock are more susceptible to manipulation tactics. This is my least favourite manipulation tactic; it feels cheap to take advantage of shock.
3.1: In the same vein, people are less resistant to manipulation when waking up or about to fall asleep.
4: If you want her to elaborate on a point, simply remain silent and before long she will elaborate or change the topic.




DEDUCTION:
1: If you're in a group and she sneezes or yawns, she will sneeze or yawn away from the person she considers most important (Ideally, you)
2: If, while holding a conversation with her, she is biting her bottom lip, it is a sign she is attracted to you. Same applies if you're biting yours.
3: If you think she's lying to you about something, check if she's reacting to an adrenaline rush. When someone lies, the lie is accompanied by an adrenaline rush. The most common sign is an itchy nose, but this is not the be-all and eld-all.
4: Look at her handwriting. Large and neat handwriting is a sign of someone who wants attention, large and messy is just a sign that they have difficulty writing. Small writing indicates a shy character, although if it's messy it could just be a sign of trying to cram as much as possible onto the page, which indicates their mood at the time it was written.


More to come if requested.
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Insanegame27

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Re: misko27 asks: What is this whole "flirting" thing you speak of.
« Reply #24 on: October 12, 2016, 05:46:36 am »

Insanegame27: I don't have any issue with it, but experience would lead me to believe that someone will be along shortly to flip their shit about at least some portion of your post. Maybe not though, we'll see.

Also 6 is bad news for the people with poor circulation.
It is sad, but not unexpected.
Re, 6: I will add that later, but it is bed4me right now. Exam in the morning.
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Quote from: Second Amendment
A militia cannot function properly without arms, therefore the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.
The military cannot function without tanks and warplanes, therefore the right of the people to keep and bear tanks and warplanes, shall not be infringed.
The military cannot function without ICBMs, therefore the right of the people to keep and bear ICBMs, shall not be infringed.

Catmeat

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Re: misko27 asks: What is this whole "flirting" thing you speak of.
« Reply #25 on: October 12, 2016, 08:58:23 am »

More to come if requested.
Im going to learn this Gung fu.
You are my new master.
Im going to start attempting every one of these and noting results
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misko27

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Re: misko27 asks: What is this whole "flirting" thing you speak of.
« Reply #26 on: October 12, 2016, 12:33:34 pm »

In my country we get drunk
I was going to do a mini-rant here, but really it just suffices to say I don't drink, and I don't go to parties. I know I know it's downright heretical to admit you don't drink, but honestly, I'm not really comfortable drinking more than token amounts of alcohol.
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Follow your gut mate, if you think she's flirting approach her! You have a far higher chance to develop something!
If I see her again I will. It's a decent reminder that I could theoretically do quite well if I just had good reasons to be out and about and socialize. I don't really, but I might attract a lot more interest if I changed that.
Have you ever had a random girl just appear like a ninja near you? This is another notice me tactic. It fails alot though cause people are oblivious and far to busy in their own heads.
That is definitely a thing. I've been pissed off my face, standing against a wall waiting for my mate to come back from the toilet, and girls have suddenly appeared out of nowhere like they're Houdini, to start chatting at me. And girls are like raptors or something, for every one that you see, there are half a dozen more that you don't.
I've never noticed that. It is true that girls travel in packs generally, but I don't really recall a tendency for girls to just pop out of nowhere. Maybe I just have better situational awareness then you guys.
-BREVITY FOR THE BREVITY GOD, SNIPS FOR THE SNIP THRONE-
Well that's a lot of advice, some parts of it more useful to me than others.
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2: Horror movies: My personal favourite manipulative tactic. There is a reason couples often start relationships at the movies, doubly so if said movie is a horror movie. At first, this seems counter-intuitive; however, think about this: When you get a fright, or other effect of a horror movie such as adrenaline reactions, your heart starts beating FAST. This makes your brain spin into overdrive and your brain rationalises this fear into an attraction to your partner/date. Your partner will have the same reaction. This method usually never fails unless the movie was incredibly poor (and even then you can laugh it off and increase the relationship). The hardest part is convincing her to see a horror movie
You know, you aren't the first time I've heard this. It isn't helpful to me in the immediate term, but I'll continue to bear it in mind.
Also 6 is bad news for the people with poor circulation.
What? Oh, I must have missed that one. That's actually a bit of a problem for me. My hands (and feet) get much colder than the rest of my body.
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Solifuge

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Re: misko27 asks: What is this whole "flirting" thing you speak of.
« Reply #27 on: October 12, 2016, 01:00:39 pm »

uniterested,
Well that's the whole point of this topic
OUTRIGHT MANIPULATION:

Rather than manipulating people into being interested in you, my advice would be to build yourself up into someone more interesting. Think about what abstract traits you find attractive, or which you've heard other people find attractive, and cultivate them in yourself. Develop a fun and interesting hobby. Groom yourself better, if you don't know how. Learn useful skills. Develop a sense of humor. Find the courage to be honest and genuine about yourself, and your feelings. Develop your openness and self-awareness. Develop your empathy. Find things you're passionate about doing, and do them. Go seek out new experiences, and enrich your life with stories you can share.

The people who are most attractive to me are the sort of people I want to be around. People who bring something new or interesting or otherwise valuable to my life. People who know who they are, and genuinely like themselves. People who demonstrate the capacity to care, and work, and treat others fairly, and improve themselves.

What about you? What do you find attractive? Can you say some of those things about yourself? What are your selling points, with respect to others? (P.S. This is a rhetorical question)
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misko27

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misko27 has no questions.
« Reply #28 on: October 12, 2016, 10:09:46 pm »

Just editing this to point people who look at this thread back to the first post in this topic. Go there.

« Last Edit: October 28, 2016, 07:05:47 pm by misko27 »
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Insanegame27

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Re: misko27 has no questions.
« Reply #29 on: October 12, 2016, 10:18:23 pm »

Ease up, I wasn't trying to suggest that you manipulate her.
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TL;DR: I have a crush on a super busy girl who sits next to me in class and who I chat with all the time (but only in class). I want to ask her out, but I don't know how. I'm very shy
In the long version, you mentioned something about thinking that Sophia could like you, hence the deduction segment of my post. At no point did I think you were someone out to manipulate people into bed with you, and I wouldn't have posted the mentalism tips if I thought that. The deduction tips were to verify that she does consider you significant, before you ask her out.


So with regards to the original question/statement/request: Just go to her and ask if she wants to go see a movie or something.
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Power/metagaming RL since Birth/Born to do it.
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