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[IronyOwl]

((Sorry for the delay!))

Spoiler: Edith McKenzie (click to show/hide)

YourNameHere; Yoga Belt: Red
Mind: 3/3
Body: 2/2
Flexterity: 2/2
Moves:
Hatha: The Deep Breath;
Iyengar: Tree Pose;
Ashtanga: The Basic Splits;

[lawastooshort]

A YOGA DOJO IN A SMALL TOWN IN LATE TWENTIETH CENTURY AMERICA…

Turn 1.1

”So, dudes! Yeah. Right. So, being into Yoga means learning, right – but it also means questing. That's the ancient term for generally going out into the world and testing your abilities on it. Some of you might have heard of, like, those roleplay games, where you adventure and stuff. But Yoga isn't a game, dudes – it's more spiritual than that. This is more like the samurai of ancient Japan, who went on swordquests up and down the country to learn new moves and generally be pretty sweet.”

Sensei walks over to his belts cupboard, on the wall, and takes out a handful of red yoga belts before carrying on.

”But of course, Yoga is also about kicking ass, and standing up for yourself – which is probably why some of you are here, right? It's not all about the spirituality, and in any case, kicking ass is pretty spiritual. The dalai lama taught me that. I've never been arm-wrestled so hard, but that's another story.”

He goes along the line of standing students, solemnly handing each one a red belt in turn.

”Now, the Way of Yoga requires discipline. You can't just learn any old thing. You travel along the different paths, the Hatha of the Death Shaman, the Iyengar of the Immovable Rock, and the Ashtanga of the Sharpened Sword. You can technically learn any moves that are at or below your belt level, but you have to learn the moves below that first. So, you see, I guess you kind of specialise in one path of Yoga to begin with, or learn a whole bunch of low level but still useful moves – and then when you're a black belt you can start learning all of the Yoga. Yeah.”

Sensei takes a breath and stands in a curious posture, which, as he finishes it, seems to send shockwaves of awesome into the students' faces. Jarvis Palkin falls to the floor clutching his groin in stunned pain.

”Yeah – this is a Hatha move, dudes. It's call Peacock Pose. If you do it hard enough it can distract and even stun your enemy. It's named after the fact that Peacocks like to pose.”

Next he drops to the floor.

”Heh – I like this one, it's pretty restful. It's called Plank Pose, and it's a really good Iyengic defensive manoeuvre. Here, come and try to punch my head in, Richard.”

[6vs6+5] Richard looks about himself a bit nervously, wondering if he's going to be able to walk in 30 seconds' time, but one of the other students prods him in the back a bit, and he moves forward.

”Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiyaah!?”

”Yeah! Nice punch, dude! Huhh! But you see, you just couldn't reach me, 'cause I'm on the floor, right? And totally imbued with Yogic power. Anyway. Here's another Iyengar move. Phhhhhhiyap!”

[5vs1] Sensei swiftly gets up and then lunges forward quicker than the eye can see, and suddenly Richard is on the floor, curled in a ball and clutching his groin in stunned pain.

”That's Horse Rider's Pose – one of the hardest basic strikes to defend against. Now, the next two moves are Ashtanga moves, and I'm not going to demonstrate them on you directly, they're too dangerous.”

Sensei seems to tense his hands into a particularly violent looking shape.

”So this isn't really about the pose or the shape, but it's about focusing your mind during combat, and keeping it focused. If you can reach this level of concentration, you can deliver what we call a Yogic Critical, which means that many blows are far more deadly. And then this one,”

He kind of straightens and turns so his arms and legs seem to be at a right angle and airpunches in front of him.

”This one is what we in the west tend to call Extended Side Angle Pose, but the Shaolin usually just call it the Yogic Slap. You can put most of your mental force into totally beating the crap out of your enemy in a single blow.”

Sensei stands up straight before you and tightens his belt.

”So. Wear your new red belt with pride, and think about one of those moves to learn. All of them are useful, in their way.”

”Now. The questing part. This is about being righteous, as well as violent, and defending the poor. Kind of like Robin Hood, but wearing generally grey leggings instead of green. And not usually robbing so much. Or using archery. Anyway, so, who knows what a quest is, cla-”

Just then the dojo doors burst open, and a smaller kid that some of the students recognise runs in, tears streaming down his cheeks.

”Help! Sensei, help! There's a bunch of older kids beating up Ricky outside! He's trying to hold them off so I could get help, but I think he's wet himself and they're stealing his shoes and stuff... Help...”

Sensei walks to him and kneels, putting his hand on the boy's shoulder before turning to the four new students.

”Dudes. It's almost like fate. Gary, how many older kids are there, son?”

”Five, sensei. They... they came out of nowhere... we couldn't do anything...”

”That's okay Gary, it's okay. These here new students are gonna go save Ricky, right?”


This is a moment of destiny. Will you fight evil? Will you join evil? Or will you quiver in fear for the rest of your lives?

Also, what Yoga Move will you learn on the way outside? Pick one Red Belt move.

Library of Yogic Moves
(all Yoga moves take 1 Mind Point to perform, unless they say otherwise, and unless they are above your Yoga level, in which case they take an extra Mind Point for every level above yours)
(all moves have been hastily reconstructed from the fading memories of millennia old Yoga instruction manuals, and as such are liable to clarification and indeed balancing)

Spoiler: Hatha Yoga: the Yoga of the Death Shaman (click to show/hide)

Beginner Moves:
- The Deep Breath – You sit down and breath very deeply, adding +2 to your defence roll when Defending - FREE to use.
Red Belt Moves:
- Peacock Pose – You take up Peacock Pose, which impresses all enemy in range so much they suffer -1 to initiative rolls next turn AND have to pass an opposing Yogic Mana Check to avoid being stunned (-1 penalty next action).

Spoiler: Iyengar Yoga: The Yoga of the Immovable Object (click to show/hide)

Beginner Moves:
- Tree Pose – Striking a mighty Tree Pose, you can counter-attack two enemies at once.
Red Belt Moves:
- Plank Pose – You assume Plank Pose, which makes it quite difficult for the enemy to bend down and hit you. You can add x Mind Points to your melee defence to receive a defence bonus of +x.
  - Horse Rider’s Pose – You lunge forward with lightning speed. A Yogic attack on the enemy’s groin. Counts as a standard melee attack except the enemy gains no benefit from Defending AND it stuns the enemy for the next turn if it hits (-1 to all rolls).

Spoiler: Ashtanga Yoga: The Yoga of the Sword (click to show/hide)

Beginner Moves:
- The Basic Splits – You do the splits, and can melee attack two opponents at once.
Red Belt Moves:
- Yogic Critical – An attack roll of 6 when you melee gives double the damage. Needs one Mind Point available, automatic use.
- Extended Side Angle Pose – Filling your fists or even feet with Yogic Power, you can add x Mind Points to your melee attack to receive a bonus of +x to hit. Sometimes known as the Yogic Slap.

Spoiler: Jarvis “Teal boy” Palkin, Harry Baldman (click to show/hide)

Jarvis Palkin; Red Belt
Mind: 3/3
Body: 2/2
Flexterity: 2/2
Moves: Deep Breath; Basic Splits; Tree Pose

Spoiler: Richard “Tomato boy” Wensley, Pancaek (click to show/hide)

Richard Wensley; Red Belt
Mind: 3/3
Body: 3/3
Flexterity: 1/1
Moves: Deep Breath; Basic Splits; Tree Pose

Spoiler: Fisk “Limegreen boy” Black, Sosoku234 (click to show/hide)

Fisk Balck; Red Belt
Mind: 4/4
Body: 2/2
Flexterity: 1/1
Moves: Deep Breath; Basic Splits; Tree Pose

Spoiler: Edith “Violet girl” McKenzie, IronyOwl (click to show/hide)

Edit McKenzie; Red belt
Mind: 3/3
Body: 2/2
Flexterity: 2/2
Moves: Deep Breath; Basic Splits; Tree Pose

[Pancaek]

Richard stands up, rubbing his crotch.

"Ouch. Yeah, we'll save Ricky, right guys? I bet those other kids are hippies. Or worse, communists. What kind of red blooded American beats up other Americans for fun? Savages.

By the way, Sensei. When I was humming  the songs of my fathers back there I felt quite some power. What was that about? And can I replicate it?"

Choose the peacock pose as the red belt move to learn. Also ask Sensei the above questions. Follow my fellow red belts outside if they go this turn

[Sosoku234]

Let's go kick some ass and give them a stern talking to.

Choose the Yogic Slap as my red belt move.

[Harry Baldman]

"Whoa dude," Jarvis whimpers out as he struggles to regain balance. "Like, whoa. And, like, ow. Dude."

He thinks a moment on the moves presented.

Yogic Critical sounds like a perfectly explosive one to absorb.

"So now I guess we... go kick ass, yeah! Boom!"

Take a moment to appreciate my new mastery. Follow these other righteous dudes (and, uh, honorary dudes for the purpose of this conversation) outside once they're ready to kick ass too.

[IronyOwl]

Edith whimpers a bit, but bravely sideshuffles outside to get a better look.

Yogic Critical. Head outside, mostly.

[lawastooshort]

A YOGA DOJO IN A SMALL TOWN IN LATE TWENTIETH CENTURY AMERICA…

Turn 1.2

As one, the four new students turn towards the door, ready to rush to the rescue! They fear no man! Or rather 10 year old boy!

But first, like a good student should, Richard has an interesting question, and turns to sensei as he rushes.

"By the way, Sensei. When I was humming  the songs of my fathers back there I felt quite some power. What was that about? And can I replicate it?"

”Well, Richard. That was kind of two things at once, you know? On the one hand, it was an aid to breathing deeply – somewhat like Buddhist monks do, the peaceful ones – humming focuses the mind and the body. So in that sense, yes, you can always access some of that power by just using humming as a Yogic aid when breathing. Indeed, you can, at quite a low level, too, use humming as a method of focusing your breath hard enough that you regenerate your Yogic power, and of course, you can combine that with the traditional Deep Breath for some really hard and powerful defending.”

Sensei holds open the door for the four youngsters.

”And then on the other hand, by humming the songs of our fathers, you were kind of accessing their deep storage of hidden Yogic Force, you know? If you're really into humming, then this is totally a part of the Hatha tradition we can follow – it can be pretty powerful. I mean, this isn't even an American example, but there's the famous story of a British Indian soldier on D-Day knocking out a German panzer just by humming God Save the Queen – you can really focus this stuff, you see?”

Richard, Jarvis, Fisk and then Edith step outside into the sunlight, and see the gang of older kids on the other side of the parking lot. The bullies stop tying Ricky's shoes to his ears, and turn to the dojo doorway.

”Haha!” says the obvious ringleader, in the middle. ”Look boys, more Yoghurt leotards! Let's take their shoes too, huh? Or you gonna run inside and cry to your mommy like some kind of leotard? Geddit? Huh? Leotard? Like you're... leotarded, or something. Yeah!”

One of them bends down and pulls the shoe attached to Ricky's ear a bit.

Ricky whimpers and the ringleader kicks him.

”Well? You gonna do some Yoghurt at us or something? Buttmunches.”

Spoiler: Map of Combat (click to show/hide)

The maps aren't going to get any better than this. This is about Yoga, not five foot steps.

Space1a   Space1b   Prone Ricky   Space1d   Space1e

Bully 1    Bully 2   Chief Bully   Bully 4   Bully 5

Space3a   Space3b   Space3c   Space3d   Space3e

Richard   Jarvis   Edith   Fisk   Space4e

Wall   Wall   Door   Wall   Wall

Spoiler: Jarvis “Teal boy” Palkin, Harry Baldman (click to show/hide)

Jarvis Palkin; Red Belt
Mind: 3/3
Body: 2/2
Flexterity: 2/2
Moves: Deep Breath; Basic Splits; Tree Pose; Yogic Critical

Spoiler: Richard “Tomato boy” Wensley, Pancaek (click to show/hide)

Richard Wensley; Red Belt
Mind: 3/3
Body: 3/3
Flexterity: 1/1
Moves: Deep Breath; Basic Splits; Tree Pose; Peacock Pose

Spoiler: Fisk “Limegreen boy” Black, Sosoku234 (click to show/hide)

Fisk Balck; Red Belt
Mind: 4/4
Body: 2/2
Flexterity: 1/1
Moves: Deep Breath; Basic Splits; Tree Pose; Yogic Slap

Spoiler: Edith “Violet girl” McKenzie, IronyOwl (click to show/hide)

Edit McKenzie; Red belt
Mind: 3/3
Body: 2/2
Flexterity: 2/2
Moves: Deep Breath; Basic Splits; Tree Pose; Yogic Critical

Spoiler: Bullies 1, 2, 4, 5 (click to show/hide)

Mind: 0/0
Body: 3/3
Flexterity: 1/1

Spoiler: note (click to show/hide)

I can put the library of moves back if you prefer, or indeed possibly change anything in particular in response to constructive feedback and/or reasonable requests.

[Sosoku234]

Charge to space 3c and Yogic Slap the leader.

"Bullying is wrong. You should instead be talking to a professional about your problems."

[Harry Baldman]

It occurs to Jarvis that he totally caved in a little boy's skull with his splits today. Can he do the same again?

Moment of truth! Boom! Bring out the Basic Splits! Smack the leftmost turdbros in their faces. Feel the yogic power! Taste the explosions!

[Pancaek]

"Leotarded, really? You must some special kind of stupid to make puns like that. I'd say your parents must be dissapointed in you, but I bet they vote democrat like the filthy communists they are. How does it feel to be a traitor to you nation, scum?"

Take up the Peacock Pose while humming The Yellow Rose of Texas.

[IronyOwl]

Edith gulps. "Leotarded" is pretty good, but she can't back down now.

"Your face is leotarded!" she whimpers, feeling a little like throwing up.

But also like moving to space 3c and punching the Chief Bully in his leotarded face.

[lawastooshort]

A SMALL TOWN IN LATE TWENTIETH CENTURY AMERICA…

Turn 1.3

"Leotarded, really? You must some special kind of stupid to make puns like that. I'd say your parents must be disappointed in you, but I bet they vote democrat like the filthy communists they are. How does it feel to be a traitor to you nation, scum?"

Take up the Peacock Pose while humming The Yellow Rose of Texas.

”Bu- ya- uh – your momma votes democrat! Arrhh!!”

[1] Just then Richard “The Patriot Hummer” Wensley extends one arm in slightly the wrong direction, and falls over, managing to elbow himself in the groin and hurt his knee.

He looks stunned!

His hum is interrupted by groaning!

”Haha!”

Edith gulps. "Leotarded" is pretty good, but she can't back down now.

"Your face is leotarded!" she whimpers, feeling a little like throwing up.

But also like moving to space 3c and punching the Chief Bully in his leotarded face.

”Yeah, well, uh... your momma's face is leotarded! Ye-arggggg!”

[6+2vs4+2: Yogic Critical Activated!] Just then Edith overcomes her fear, and punches the Chief Bully's leotarded face right in! Blood pours from his nose as he turns sideways in slow motion and crashes to the hard hard floor, totally unconscious.

[1] Edith doesn't quite manage to entirely overcome her fear though, and blushes bright pink with shame as the throws up on her defeated foe. She tries to maintain a fierce combat stance whilst searching her pockets for a hopeful tissue to wipe her mouth.

It occurs to Jarvis that he totally caved in a little boy's skull with his splits today. Can he do the same again?

Moment of truth! Boom! Bring out the Basic Splits! Smack the leftmost turdbros in their faces. Feel the yogic power! Taste the explosions!

The rest of the four bullies, shorn of their strategic numbers advantage and faced with a hideous foe who desecrates the fallen, turn demoralised to confront Jarvis, who is jogging menacingly across Space 3a towards them.

[2] [2+2vs1+1; 4+2vs4+1] He executes a perfectly adequate splits at the leftmost pair, striking one in the ear and the other in the cheek! One falls to his knee, his hands trying to stop the ringing noise, and kind of waddles at Jarvis, [1+1vs2+2] falling flat on his face as he tries to bite the Yogaka's leg; the other is made of sterner stuff and [6+1vs3+2] punches Jarvis in the eye, knocking him out cold! Luckily he's only unconscious – that wasn't the explosive start to Yogic Power he'd been hoping for!

Charge to space 3c and Yogic Slap the leader.

[6+1+2vs6+1] Seeing the Chief Bully cut down by Angry Edith, and erstwhile enemy Jarvis cut down by Angry Bully #2, Fisk hurriedly changes his action and intervenes to save Jarvis's life, filling his palm with the force of Yoga and slapping Angry Bully #2 several times back and forth across the cheeks.

"Bullying is wrong,” he advises as he slaps, “You should instead be talking to a professional about your problems!"

But Angry Bully #2's face is too imbued with Yogic Power for him to be able to hear, and he falls to the ground unconscious, and bleeding from the left cheek!

Bully #4 comes at Fisk, looking worried but realising he has perhaps the best chance he'll ever get of ascending to the position of Chief Bully. [3+1vs2+1] He punches Fisk in the chest, moderately bruising the young boy! Fisk looks pretty winded, and is therefore totally happy to see Bully #5 also try to usurp the position of Chief Bully by saving his leader from a girl.

[1+1vs2+1] But the weak-stomached and weak-willed pathetic excuse of a child comes closer, and sees the blood flowing from the Chief Bully's head, and his miserable shaken attempt at a punch doesn't even reach far enough to strike the brave Edith.

It's three vs three! The bullies' morale is all but shattered!

Spoiler: Map of Combat (click to show/hide)

The maps aren't going to get any better than this. This is about Yoga, not five foot steps.

Space1a   Space1b   Prone Ricky   Space1d   Space1e

Bully 1    Bully 2   Space 2c   Bully 4   Bully 5

Space3a   Space3b   Space3c   Space3d   Space3e

Richard   KOJarvisKO   Edith   Fisk   Space4e

Wall   Wall   Door   Wall   Wall

Spoiler: Jarvis “Teal boy” Palkin, Harry Baldman - KO'd (click to show/hide)

Jarvis Palkin; Red Belt
Mind: 2/3
Body: 0/2
Flexterity: 2/2
Moves: Deep Breath; Basic Splits; Tree Pose; Yogic Critical

Spoiler: Richard “Tomato boy” Wensley, Pancaek - STUNNED (click to show/hide)

Richard Wensley; Red Belt
Mind: 3/3
Body: 3/3
Flexterity: 1/1
Moves: Deep Breath; Basic Splits; Tree Pose; Peacock Pose

Spoiler: Fisk “Limegreen boy” Black, Sosoku234 (click to show/hide)

Fisk Balck; Red Belt
Mind: 3/4
Body: 1/2
Flexterity: 1/1
Moves: Deep Breath; Basic Splits; Tree Pose; Yogic Slap

Spoiler: Edith “Violet girl” McKenzie, IronyOwl (click to show/hide)

Edit McKenzie; Red belt
Mind: 3/3
Body: 2/2
Flexterity: 2/2
Moves: Deep Breath; Basic Splits; Tree Pose; Yogic Critical

Spoiler: Bullies 1, 2, 4, 5 (click to show/hide)

Mind: 0/0
Body: 1/3; 0/3; 3/3; 3/3
Flexterity: 1/1

Spoiler: note (click to show/hide)

Green moves are mastered and will work as intended on a roll of 2-5. As hinted at previously, they are mastered by not failing them in battle.

Sosoku – apologies, it wasn't clear I guess but you need to specify how much Mind you want to put into your Yogic Slap. Here I just assumed 2 because it was convenient.

Stunned just gives -1 to initiative next turn.

OPTIONAL RULE DISCUSSION
I realised I needed a new awesome rule to reflect the traditional healing power of Yoga. Being reduced to 0HP will just be a KO, which recovers at the end of the fight OR when a fellow student expends all their Mind points in a Touch of Yogic Resurrection, which counts as a free move. -1HP will be death.

OR, did I need it? – if more people object to this silly rule than don't object, then next time someone hits 0HP they're dead, man. Simpler like that, and nicer for the waitlisters.

I don't think I want to put an actual vote on the thread though since I don't think you can get rid of them?

[Harry Baldman]

((As somebody who's just been reduced to 0 HP, I'd really prefer the KO rules to be in effect. Those 2 points of Body don't take me anywhere near far enough in this cruel world.))

[Sosoku234]

((I feel that.))

Initiate yogic defense. Say, "This won't do."

[Pancaek]

move in front of Jarvis and assume the Tree Pose