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Author Topic: Struggling with Gender Identity???  (Read 8064 times)

spümpkin

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Struggling with Gender Identity???
« on: May 02, 2016, 02:01:51 pm »

Okay, so this has been affecting me for a while now, but I've only really felt comfortable talking about it now. So, I've been struggling with my gender identity (hence the title) for a little over 2 years now. I'm kind of still genderfluid, but I think I'm more on the female side of things. Which is the problem, as I'm biologically male. So, this has made me think about going into hormonal therapy. I feel like this is what I want to do, but I still worry about what people will think of me afterwards, etc., etc. I am also still in school, and people... can be jerks. So, I really just don't know what to do. It's confusing me, and I'm already pretty nihilistic, so it's not really helping me see the point of existence.

Yeah, I dunno, it's early, and I'll probably regret all of this later, but I just wanted any advice. Anything at all.
« Last Edit: May 14, 2016, 04:36:53 pm by DigitalDemon »
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Sonlirain

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Re: Struggling with Gender Identity???
« Reply #1 on: May 02, 2016, 07:36:48 pm »

Personally? I kinda got to the point i don't feel attached to either gender but will use male pronouns because... well i'm biologically male and not a tumblr dweller who needs to invent extra pronouns to feel special about himself.

Then again i'm an asexual antisocial weirdo with the sexual drive of a fossil so i'm probably not the most qualified person to give advice...

But have some generic advice anyway!

1 - Be sure if being female is what you want. Maybe you'd feel better as a more effeminate male? Being male does not mean you have to be a lumberjack. And being well groomed and pretty does not mean you have to be female.

2 - Check your surroundings. Ask your parents or roommates about trans people. Preferably hidden in a casual conversation topic like "Hey did you know that transsexuals have a higher than average suicide rate?" You can usually get an idea if the person you speak to is transphobic or not based on their answer.

Really tho this is a hard topic and if you are still in school then you have plenty of time to ponder it.
« Last Edit: May 02, 2016, 07:41:37 pm by Sonlirain »
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NullForceOmega

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Re: Struggling with Gender Identity???
« Reply #2 on: May 02, 2016, 09:15:11 pm »

*The following advice is not being given because there is something wrong with you, it is being given because it can be very difficult to sort out one's own feelings.

Before deciding to do something extreme (and gender re-assignment is extreme) you should have some serious talks with a psychologist, if only to help you really look at your feelings.

Other than that, I hope you find happiness whatever you choose.
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TheBiggerFish

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Re: Struggling with Gender Identity???
« Reply #3 on: May 02, 2016, 09:19:40 pm »

I'm just posting to provide moral support.  I'm absolutely clueless about this.

But yeah, what NullForceOmega said, you should really be sure about this kind of stuff.

Jerks are going to be jerks no matter what, though.

But yeah, I hope you can figure this out and be more comfortable with yourself.
« Last Edit: May 02, 2016, 09:21:16 pm by TheBiggerFish »
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spümpkin

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Re: Struggling with Gender Identity???
« Reply #4 on: May 02, 2016, 11:04:56 pm »

Personally? I kinda got to the point i don't feel attached to either gender but will use male pronouns because... well i'm biologically male and not a tumblr dweller who needs to invent extra pronouns to feel special about himself.

Then again i'm an asexual antisocial weirdo with the sexual drive of a fossil so i'm probably not the most qualified person to give advice...

But have some generic advice anyway!

1 - Be sure if being female is what you want. Maybe you'd feel better as a more effeminate male? Being male does not mean you have to be a lumberjack. And being well groomed and pretty does not mean you have to be female.

2 - Check your surroundings. Ask your parents or roommates about trans people. Preferably hidden in a casual conversation topic like "Hey did you know that transsexuals have a higher than average suicide rate?" You can usually get an idea if the person you speak to is transphobic or not based on their answer.

Really tho this is a hard topic and if you are still in school then you have plenty of time to ponder it.

*The following advice is not being given because there is something wrong with you, it is being given because it can be very difficult to sort out one's own feelings.

Before deciding to do something extreme (and gender re-assignment is extreme) you should have some serious talks with a psychologist, if only to help you really look at your feelings.

Other than that, I hope you find happiness whatever you choose.

Thanks, guys. I have, actually, seen some therapists about it in the past, and this youth support group thing, and I think???? I've made up my mind. Like I said, I feel like I want this, and it feels really... I dunno, right? That's the only way I can put it, really. I also think my parents will be okay with it (since they're the ones who took me to the therapists etc.) But some of my other family members may not be, (i.e. my Granddad) because he is quite.... old-fashioned? I mean, he struggled with my sister coming out as lesbian, so I think he may have a problem with it. No disrespect to him, he's a great guy.

But yeah, thanks guys. I am definitely still thinking about it, so anyone who has experience in such matters would be greatly appreciated.
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penguinofhonor

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Re: Struggling with Gender Identity???
« Reply #5 on: May 03, 2016, 12:15:31 am »

Hey, I'm a trans woman, though I'm not the most experienced. I can still give a little advice at least.

If you want to get hormones, try to talk to other trans people in your area to get an idea of doctors' reputations. There's an endocrinologist in my area known for sexually assaulting trans patients. While that's extreme, there are plenty who don't know about trans people or have their own personal standards for hormone treatment that are much higher than what's commonly accepted. Recommendations can help you avoid that.

Also, don't feel forced take any steps in transitioning. There are plenty of narratives and assumptions about what you need to do to your body to transition, but you should make decisions on what feels right for you.
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Madmachine

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Re: Struggling with Gender Identity???
« Reply #6 on: May 03, 2016, 08:36:47 pm »

Identity is just a label you apply to yourself. It's none of my business what label you choose to apply to yourself, but my advice is that you don't label yourself at all. I don't mean "no gender label" in the "agender" sense or anything like that, because ultimately, "agender", too, is a label. I am fortunate enough to have no discomfort whatsoever as to the label I am saddled with, so perhaps I am speaking out of ignorance here, but I'd suggest that, before you think about this any further, ask yourself what gender means to you, and how meaningful that meaning is.

Just be yourself. You can't be anyone else. No matter what you call yourself, you're still you. What's more important to you; what you are or who you are? Whoever you are, you seem like an alright kid to me.
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Re: Struggling with Gender Identity???
« Reply #7 on: May 03, 2016, 10:26:56 pm »

I really don't know what to say, other than consider all of your options, make a sound decision while acknowledging that it will be a permanent one. The same goes for many other issues you'll hit in life.

Apologies for the little advice I have to offer for you; I don't have any experience in this area, unfortunately  ;D


Seriously, I hope things go well for you. Best of luck!
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hops

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Re: Struggling with Gender Identity???
« Reply #8 on: May 03, 2016, 11:55:54 pm »

I've said this on the chat but while I can't exactly offer you anything on decision-making, I can offer you my personal experience.

Not getting HRT is shit. You'll end up with ugly man bones and if you undergo HRT later in life you'll still have ugly man bones. Though this might not exactly apply to you since the gender I identify as is individual that attract males.
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Re: Struggling with Gender Identity???
« Reply #9 on: May 04, 2016, 05:10:48 pm »

Please be advised that puberty blockers are a thing that exists. They are medicines which prevent the onset of puberty. If you take them, you can indefinitely defer the choice of male puberty vs female puberty until you know exactly which you'd prefer. Its also completely reversible: as soon as you stop taking the puberty blockers, your biologically indicated puberty will begin as normal.

As far as figuring out if you're transgender or what, there's a few easy questions to ask yourself:

1. If you found a magical potion would permanently switch you to being biologically female when you drank it, and you accidentally drank it and were permanently transformed (but in a way that nobody would blame you or call you weird over), would you be distressed by this, or look for a cure?
2. Can you imagine yourself in your 40s as a grown woman, living a normal life? What would that life involve?
3. Assume you're not transgender. Why do you feel the desire to transition, then? Is it something about being biologically male that you dislike, or something about being biologically female that you think you would enjoy? Both, neither?

But, as a general rule cis people don't want to change their sex to a different one on a permanent basis. Its either never considered, or only a "Well, that might be interesting for a day, like in that one movie, but I'd want to switch back." sort of thing. If you find yourself wanting to switch and stay switched, you're probably trans and should probably speak with an endocrinologist.

As far as the actual transitioning process goes, you have basically 3 options:
  • Informed Consent: This is what I'm using for myself. In essence, you find a doctor willing to treat you on an informed consent basis and affirm to them that you are of sound mind and body, that you understand the risks and probable results of HRT and that with that knowledge in mind you would like to begin taking hormones. Pros: Doesn't require therapist involvement so you can start right away. Is very safe, as your doctor will supervise your treatment. Cons: You need to be a legal adult and need to know of an informed consent endocrinologist in your area. If you are not yet a legal adult, puberty blockers can delay puberty until you are one, but that may be too long of a wait for you.
  • Therapy & Letters: Most endocrinologists are not willing to treat gender identity disorder on an informed consent basis. They will instead insist that you speak with a therapist who will work with you to help resolve any issues and then eventually give you a letter to take back to the endocrinologist saying that HRT is medically necessary and that you should be prescribed hormones as such. Pros: You don't need to be a legal adult, your guardian can initiate this process on your behalf. Is just as safe as Informed Consent. You get therapy to help you with your feelings and emotions before transitioning instead of after or during. Cons: Therapy is expensive and takes a long time, possibly months or years. You may also find it difficult to open up to a therapist who is also the gatekeeper between you and HRT.
  • Do It Yourself Hormone Therapy: Basically you order HRT medicines online and take them. This is extremely unwise (you are not a doctor) and probably illegal where you live (again, you are not a doctor). Not only could your self-medication be ineffective, it could actually kill you. Pros: You can start right now without telling anyone or going to a doctor. Cons: It probably won't work right. It's probably illegal. You might die. You might lose a limb, destroy your liver or suffer brain damage from unsupervised use of HRT medication. Never do this unless there is literally no other choice and you've done extensive research.
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spümpkin

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Re: Struggling with Gender Identity???
« Reply #10 on: May 05, 2016, 12:54:23 am »

Thanks again, you guys.

I think I've come to a more definitive decision now. I really, do want to become female, and that is that.

Now, my problem is just sorting out what to do about that.
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dont call me a shitposter, call me a spirit one with the shitpost atman
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TheBiggerFish

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Re: Struggling with Gender Identity???
« Reply #11 on: May 05, 2016, 12:55:43 am »

*hesitantly points at Grek's post*

Good luck.
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Trapezohedron

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Re: Struggling with Gender Identity???
« Reply #12 on: May 05, 2016, 02:47:29 pm »

Well, I wish you luck, DD. I assume you've taken the necessary thinking if you really "want" to be female, not in a measure where you think being female is preferable, but more on the measure that being female is who you really are. Saying more here would just mean me reiterating what already has been said here, so yeah, once again good luck.

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Tiruin

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Re: Struggling with Gender Identity???
« Reply #13 on: May 05, 2016, 11:29:56 pm »

Eep :-[ I saw this thread a few days ago while offline and only got online now.

I'll...just send my post via PM instead. I guess? ._.; It's concerned with the theme of introspection, the theoretical and conceptual background of knowing one's self from an external definition, and the general medical professional in the field of working with gender identity.

Sorry for lateness D: I did receive your PM however, OP.
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TheBiggerFish

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Re: Struggling with Gender Identity???
« Reply #14 on: May 06, 2016, 04:32:39 am »

@Tiruin:You could just put it here anyway?  I must admit I'm kind of interested in what you have to say.
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