Ye. No worries here! My goal is just to share a few tricks that I've picked up recently, as somebody who had gone unarmed against anxiety for a long time. I'll go ahead an spoiler it for space's sake.
Alright. This I ended up picking up from a book on charisma. Good book and I'd recommend it if you'd like, but what I benefited most from was the tips about building a better headspace when dealing with people and situations. The author gave a small checklist of things you can do when it feels like things are going out of control, which I'll try to explain in the best ways that I can.
First, take a deep breath and make sure that nothing is physically bothering you. Our mind reflect the physical state. If we're tensed, tired, and hungry, there is no way that we'll actually be able to fully take care of the situation with an even keel mind. So, it's helpful to have to blame sometimes when things are a bit rough. Bad interaction with a coworker? Well of course it went bad, it's 1:00PM and I still haven't gotten lunch and my coffee wore off hours ago. Next time, when I'm a bit more fueled up, I'm sure that we'll get back on the right foot.
The second is to dedramatize, and remind yourself that you are the sum of your electronic parts and wires put together. We feel deep, physical sensations because we're simply wired that way. Identify the response and take a step back to remind yourself that you are one person sitting in a room with a complex series of chemical reactions that are causing this response and detach a little. Ah yes. This sensation! I know what it is. Behold annoyance, because they have just started rambling on about religion again.
Third can follow up closely with the second, as it is destigmatization. Once the source of anxiety identified, remind yourself that 'ok, I'm annoyed, but a lot of people would be. I'm not really alone in this. There are thousands of others who are in the same boat as me. They get stressed too. Heroes get stuck in traffic jams if they have to drive on the freeway.
Fourth step is neutralization. I'll quote the book in this section as 'There have been many times when you've been certain that a client was disappointed, only to discover the opposite was true.' Our thoughts aren't necessarily reality; just our perception. A valuable perception, but ultimately one that is subject to flaws. Maybe it isn't that bad. Hell, maybe it isn't bad at all, just a necessary step towards getting towards finality.
Fifth and final would be to consider alternate realities. Yeah, that person seems annoyed. But perhaps he's also just tired, or had a bad run-in on the road. Maybe he came in from a bad meeting, maybe he's just having an off day. Mitigate the situation by presenting alternatives that provide some sort of explanation as to why the stressful situation was bound to occur and how you are sure to endure. Say you are going down the road and come up to red light. You're already late to work, tired, and frustrated. But if you hadn't of stopped, you might ended up getting slammed by that truck that just bored through the lane. By the virtue of that red light, you avoided a disaster. What was bad, isn't. Just a stroke of good luck.
Our brains our remarkably good at accepting alternate realities as reality; which is why anxiety can quickly spiral out of control sometimes. You feel it, and your brain begins to work through the changes to make that situation 'real'; even if the actual threat is long and gone. But the opposite is also true. We can believe things that aren't maybe true, but favorable, and our brains tend to start to rewrite themselves to accept that as our new reality. As an exercise, if you ever get frustrated by a person and want to confront them, write down on a piece of paper every grievance you have against them as how you would like to say it. Flip the paper over and then write a response from their perspective capitulating and apologizing for their behavior. The result is... Oddly therapeutic. Even though you know that they didn't apologize in the slightest, you brain still accepts that an apology has occurred. With that, forgiving them of their grievance and forgetting about it becomes a little easier.
Anyways. I probably ended up butchering some of the concepts. Long and tiring day at work and I need to read that book again to make sure I actually understood what it was suggesting. But! If you're able to take anything from that list that might help, then mission accomplished!
Also, hey. It takes energy to be nice sometimes. If people are nice, then I think deep down, you've earned a bit of that niceness, and that means you are a cooler dude than you think my man. Might not be always easy to think that, but it's true. Keep up your good work; you'll have that chip here soon before you know it!
That's actually pretty helpful and kind of a bit like what T said. One of the difficulties I have is not imagining people out to screw me over sometimes. Not always, but.... It's just that it's happened before..... I tend to get stuck on past issues and fear of their repetition. Bad stuff happened before....
Thank you. It helps. Just.... fruistratingly slowly with my life. T did say it wouldn't be an overnight thing, and it's like a drill bit, little bg little.
There are some people who are weirdly not cool with me. I mostly keep to myself and don't cause trouble.
These two things are probably related, depending on the extent you “keep to yourself”. I once had an immediate superior not like me because I didn’t really talk with her, which she apparently took to mean I disliked her as opposed to just being disinterested.
Never underestimate the power of idle conversation. A quick “hello, how are you, lovely/awful weather we’re having” at least makes you seem personable, and is a foundation for further relationship should you do wish it.
Yeah. I just go for under the radar. I figure if I can just not piss anybody off while being productive I might be ok. I mean you hear stories of people telling an off center joke at work and HR smacking somebody for it. I'd rather not have that happen. I don't think I would be that person. But I have no idea anymore, the HR powerpoint training scares me, and shutting up seems safe?
Maybe very mild small talk might be ok. Nobody can get pissed off at me about the weather. I mean, I didn't do that one.
Another thing is my lack of a life. Other people have one and they talk about it. I don't have other things in my life, or not good ones. T and Tiruin kind of said stuff on this like being polite and asking people to talk about themselves by showing interest and asking about their stuff without being weird. T gave the example of a lady at work whose kid does ballet. Its kind of not earth shattering, but she clearly cares about it and talks about it a lot. So, T seem to listen politely and "gently encourage her" to continue. Like, "I bet that took some doing, or "sounds like your daughter put a lot of work into that," or like, "that sounds competitive." I just have not mastered BSing like that yet, I guess. Knowing my luck, I'd choose the exact wrong thing to say about some coworker's kid and HR would have a fit.
This is harder than I thought.
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Topic: Problems with stress and being upset from dealing with people. How do you? (Read 78110 times)