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Author Topic: Problems with stress and being upset from dealing with people. How do you?  (Read 78104 times)

Robot Parade Leader

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Damn it. I suck at life and can't seem to get it. For whatever reason, people have their own little ideas about everything and mine don't seem to mean jack, but theirs do.
I'm having some trouble kind of mentally dealing with it. Does not compute or make sense or add up mathematically.

Any ideas?
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Truean

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Please do not quote:
Breathe. Just breathe. As long as you exist, you can make some changes, whatever those may be (big or small).
First question, are you ok to the point you're not in danger now? Long as that answer is "yes, I am ok for the time being," things can work....
Somehow, this just happens to be when I decided to complain about my heater.... Anyhow.....

Does not compute or make sense or add up mathematically.

Are you a mathematical person?
Would you like it explained in a ... quasi mathematical manner?
(I could do it in proofs, but that's cruel and unusual punishment).

If you want, I can get into some more of the stuff I was telling you and why dimensional analysis makes it work. 
Anything I said before help you at all?
Please do not quote:
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The kinda human wreckage that you love

Current Spare Time Fiction Project: (C) 2010 http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=63660.0
Disclaimer: I never take cases online for ethical reasons. If you require an attorney; you need to find one licensed to practice in your jurisdiction. Never take anything online as legal advice, because each case is different and one size does not fit all. Wants nothing at all to do with law.

Please don't quote me.

Robot Parade Leader

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Yeah, please. I guess. Also hi.
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Truean

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Please do not quote:

Hi.

Ok, so quiet PM aside.... You wanted math?

We're all in flatland. Click the spoiler....

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Ants: (If you want the details, click the spoiler for the quasi math stuff. I think it's worth it anyhow).
Imagine an ant living and perceiving its 2D world only length and width, NO HEIGHT. Now we know there is height, but this ant simply can't perceive it. It's the same as not being able to see colors without eyes, hear sound without ears, etc. In our universe that 2-D universe is 3-D & we are ant, we're also in hyperspace (4D, 5D, 6D), but we can't perceive it anymore than the ant can perceive height. That's why we can only think and imagine about the 5th dimension, just as the ant here can't think about height. We already understand 4 dimensions, e.g  when you meet a friend you specify the coordinates in 3 dimensions,  plus the time the meeting will take place. Those CDs or books on the shelf are each a universe as perceived by someone. They can't see any of the dimensions, because they are trapped on one and can't seem to connect to any other.

They're lost in their own little world that revolves around them. They're "the customer," the ______. That's all they can think about, just like the "monarch of point land."

What, why, and how I've been saying things here:

You may have noticed some of the things I said before, about choosing, and certain things like this, " The fool is beneath you and numerous. They feel, and don't think. Think and rise.... Learn to observe the world and perceive it without letting it alter you. This is the key. Understand. Observe. To attain the birds' eye is to turn a blizzard to a breeze." I mean that literally in a mathematical sense but in a way most people may simply can't understand through no fault of their own. Again, we are stuck in flatland.

Read what I wrote again with the above in mind....
TheBiggerFish's z level reference was more spot on than he may have realized.
http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=157225.msg6913620#msg6913620
http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=157225.msg6921395#msg6921395
5th dimensional response. Meditation as alternate choice (imagining stimuli)
6th dimensional response analysis. Taking into account other probabilities beyond self.
5th and 6th dimensional denial don't help. Sadly, people do it; it's bad for everyone.

So, to unify and oversimplify prior statements, without repeating myself more than needed: it's recognizing .... Awareness itself is enormous. That awareness enables different actions. While we may be flowing through time (4D) one way, our ability to perceive it, our probability (5D) and other probabilities (6D), may itself alter how things go by informing our responses and perhaps stimuli (even if only imagined/believed).  I have several lines along my graph of time and probability at the end of the day, but say I've got two: one I stress out over terrible things I have no control over and another where I imagine something far better. I'm laying in bed either way.... Even if the imagining is the only thing I can control, one clearly gives a different outcome than the other, within the restrictions i operate under. That's the perception. Does that help at all?

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The kinda human wreckage that you love

Current Spare Time Fiction Project: (C) 2010 http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=63660.0
Disclaimer: I never take cases online for ethical reasons. If you require an attorney; you need to find one licensed to practice in your jurisdiction. Never take anything online as legal advice, because each case is different and one size does not fit all. Wants nothing at all to do with law.

Please don't quote me.

Robot Parade Leader

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Wow. Kinda.
It's a little amazing and I'm not sure I know exactly how to use that right now though.
Either way it's late right now.
Thanks.
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Ghills

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Wow. Kinda.
It's a little amazing and I'm not sure I know exactly how to use that right now though.
Either way it's late right now.
Thanks.

Eh...it's a lot of stuff that sounds profound but it's just 'be mindful that other people have very different perspectives than you do' and 'don't stress yourself over things you can't do anything about' dressed up fancy and with a dash of added arrogance.

Honestly, it sounds like you're expecting other people to listen to you because you're right, or have good ideas, or have contributed to the company.  You're frustrated when people don't respect reality (as you see it).  You expect your work to speak for itself.

Honestly, that's a little naive.

Other people not only have their own viewpoints from which you may not look right, they also often don't care about what's logically right.  To get your ideas heard, you need to convince people that these ideas are in their best interest. That's just how people work.  They don't care about what's right from your perspective. They care about 1) their best interest, 2) what they from their perspective think is right.  Trying to rely on a logical argument about why your idea is correct will only leave you frustrated and ignored.  You need to start presenting arguments about why your idea is logically in their and the company's best interest. Not just 'This will work and accomplish X' but 'This will accomplish X bringing benefits of Y'.

Your work is inanimate. It can not speak.  And if no one knows you personally, they don't know to trust or listen to you. 

You have 2 choices: You can learn to speak for yourself and show people why your work is good (i.e. promotes their and the company's interests) or you can accept that you will go through life a quiet person whose work gets overlooked right up to the point where you uncover a problem and you suffer consequences.  The first one relies on your skills, the second one relies on tying yourself to a specific person powerful enough to protect you and be your spokesperson.  You have to pick which one will cause you fewest problems and work to succeed with it.  Frankly, in the modern economy the second strategy is pretty much dead and I don't think you can go through life successfully that way any more.

If you have uncovered potential workplace lying you may be a serious threat to other people's best interest. It sounds like those other people are much more secure than you are. Keep trying at work, but be prepared to look for another job.
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I AM POINTY DEATH INCARNATE
Ye know, being an usurper overseer gone mad with power isn't too bad. It's honestly not that different from being a normal overseer.
To summarize:
They do an epic face. If that fails, they beat said object to death with their beard.

Robot Parade Leader

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Wow. Kinda.
It's a little amazing and I'm not sure I know exactly how to use that right now though.
Either way it's late right now.
Thanks.

Eh...it's a lot of stuff that sounds profound but it's just 'be mindful that other people have very different perspectives than you do' and 'don't stress yourself over things you can't do anything about' dressed up fancy and with a dash of added arrogance.

Honestly, it sounds like you're expecting other people to listen to you because you're right, or have good ideas, or have contributed to the company.  You're frustrated when people don't respect reality (as you see it).  You expect your work to speak for itself.

Honestly, that's a little naive.

Other people not only have their own viewpoints from which you may not look right, they also often don't care about what's logically right.  To get your ideas heard, you need to convince people that these ideas are in their best interest. That's just how people work.  They don't care about what's right from your perspective. They care about 1) their best interest, 2) what they from their perspective think is right.  Trying to rely on a logical argument about why your idea is correct will only leave you frustrated and ignored.  You need to start presenting arguments about why your idea is logically in their and the company's best interest. Not just 'This will work and accomplish X' but 'This will accomplish X bringing benefits of Y'.

Your work is inanimate. It can not speak.  And if no one knows you personally, they don't know to trust or listen to you. 

You have 2 choices: You can learn to speak for yourself and show people why your work is good (i.e. promotes their and the company's interests) or you can accept that you will go through life a quiet person whose work gets overlooked right up to the point where you uncover a problem and you suffer consequences.  The first one relies on your skills, the second one relies on tying yourself to a specific person powerful enough to protect you and be your spokesperson.  You have to pick which one will cause you fewest problems and work to succeed with it.  Frankly, in the modern economy the second strategy is pretty much dead and I don't think you can go through life successfully that way any more.

If you have uncovered potential workplace lying you may be a serious threat to other people's best interest. It sounds like those other people are much more secure than you are. Keep trying at work, but be prepared to look for another job.

Is that really all you got out of what she said over the past couple years in this thread? That and her PMs helped me a lot. Anyhow, I liked the part about probability and trying to go for the best thing you can by doing the best input (focusing on stuff you can do instead of letting the stuff you can't control get to you, cause if you do, you'll end up worse off).
« Last Edit: March 23, 2018, 09:14:21 pm by Robot Parade Leader »
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Robot Parade Leader

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Are Tiruin and Truean around? She's not answering.

I'm looking at maybe a transfer to another department or location, which may actually be better, possibly. There are downsides, but yeah.
The company doesn't like individual territorial claims as valid reasons to do interesting things.  I just hope this doesn't blowback on me somehow, even though I didn't do anything other than say something about it.

I'm wondering if I should try to get transferred to another location or not. The higher ups like me, because they were probably wondering what's going on.
« Last Edit: March 29, 2018, 08:23:28 pm by Robot Parade Leader »
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Truean

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[Please do not quote: For some measure of decency].

.... First, calm down.

This is an exception. I am not posting on boards currently, because people aren't nice. It poses a risk to me and they don't care. That stated, I'm the moron who's lost well over $1M and climbing for doing the right thing so far. I'm even more of a moron for having a soft spot for innocent people being exploited through no fault of their own. If outed & harmed for having a conscience, then I suppose that would be the inevitable result of attempting to be decent in an indecent world.

As for the PM, I was busy. You'll be ok if you  kept your hands clean, and properly documented the truth.

Relocation & Remedy: "transfer to another department."
Several factors to consider, department within same building, or different location? Commute, family/social in location, and reporting for possible retaliation (e.g. who do you call both locally and at corporate level if somebody messes with you?) This should be your focus on this issue here for now.

Retaliation: If you have halfway competent HR, and legal departments they will protect your identity for as long as possible, and you yourself after that point.

Referral: Proper referral made.

Breathe. Concerning posting, discretion is the better part of valor.

[Please do not quote:]
« Last Edit: March 29, 2018, 08:47:45 pm by Truean »
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The kinda human wreckage that you love

Current Spare Time Fiction Project: (C) 2010 http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=63660.0
Disclaimer: I never take cases online for ethical reasons. If you require an attorney; you need to find one licensed to practice in your jurisdiction. Never take anything online as legal advice, because each case is different and one size does not fit all. Wants nothing at all to do with law.

Please don't quote me.

Tiruin

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Wow. Kinda.
It's a little amazing and I'm not sure I know exactly how to use that right now though.
Either way it's late right now.
Thanks.

Eh...it's a lot of stuff that sounds profound but it's just 'be mindful that other people have very different perspectives than you do' and 'don't stress yourself over things you can't do anything about' dressed up fancy and with a dash of added arrogance.
There's often a lot more to Truean's words than how they seem minimalized by this response. Often keep in mind, there are 2 major influences to a person's behavior--what you see now, that you respond to, and what had happened that could've affected what you're seeing now. Truean is by far, the last person I'd attach the idea of arrogance to--her tone however, is something subjectively perceived (Also helps to not snip at her, and instead provide constructive criticism in the least). She means well, is the baseline though.

Next point; people aren't fully interested only in their own interests--that idea is only applicable if the persons receiving are strained in their capabilities and must fulfill something before freeing up their priorities. People can read in between the lines, no matter how something is written, based on what meaning is present both by what they know and what they can sense. Everytime I read people saying 'these people don't care', I know that's an impression and expression: Nobody can judge what other people care about, and saying it's not within their 'care' can write the wrong mindset. It's attention that's being talked about, not concern. That's a core notion within presentability, or face value. It can create the idea 'as if this is what this other person is doing' without their communication whatsoever. And in the context of this thread's concerns--it covers the importance of sequencing ideas. All problems at work are contextually bound to work; if people are trying to sabotage you, work with what you have within your workplace that helps you and the general employees. When in doubt, ask the most relevant people there, and communicate with them. Being aware of your own shortcomings or what you may lack currently, helps. It doesn't mean anything belittling; it means you have space for improvement in an area, and there's no wrong in improving and accepting help, feedback, or practice there.

Quote
Meanwhile communications have broken down, because I suck at talking. I'm nice, quiet, don't bother people, that sorta thing.
Communication does not make one a bother. In reality; there is a lack of communication even if there seems to be 'just enough communication', and this is a common thing. Nobody is born with perfection in communication; we learn how to gauge our communication, but it all comes from within first, with us and ourselves.

Do practice with friends, or your colleagues when you have the time. (I'm unsure but doesn't the US employ professionals to aid their workers?) It helps your sense of how you see yourself, and that will help to work with generally other things. How you verse your ideas; how those ideas can be improved, and how to work with your own stressors.
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Ghills

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Wow. Kinda.
It's a little amazing and I'm not sure I know exactly how to use that right now though.
Either way it's late right now.
Thanks.

Eh...it's a lot of stuff that sounds profound but it's just 'be mindful that other people have very different perspectives than you do' and 'don't stress yourself over things you can't do anything about' dressed up fancy and with a dash of added arrogance.

Honestly, it sounds like you're expecting other people to listen to you because you're right, or have good ideas, or have contributed to the company.  You're frustrated when people don't respect reality (as you see it).  You expect your work to speak for itself.

Honestly, that's a little naive.

Other people not only have their own viewpoints from which you may not look right, they also often don't care about what's logically right.  To get your ideas heard, you need to convince people that these ideas are in their best interest. That's just how people work.  They don't care about what's right from your perspective. They care about 1) their best interest, 2) what they from their perspective think is right.  Trying to rely on a logical argument about why your idea is correct will only leave you frustrated and ignored.  You need to start presenting arguments about why your idea is logically in their and the company's best interest. Not just 'This will work and accomplish X' but 'This will accomplish X bringing benefits of Y'.

Your work is inanimate. It can not speak.  And if no one knows you personally, they don't know to trust or listen to you. 

You have 2 choices: You can learn to speak for yourself and show people why your work is good (i.e. promotes their and the company's interests) or you can accept that you will go through life a quiet person whose work gets overlooked right up to the point where you uncover a problem and you suffer consequences.  The first one relies on your skills, the second one relies on tying yourself to a specific person powerful enough to protect you and be your spokesperson.  You have to pick which one will cause you fewest problems and work to succeed with it.  Frankly, in the modern economy the second strategy is pretty much dead and I don't think you can go through life successfully that way any more.

If you have uncovered potential workplace lying you may be a serious threat to other people's best interest. It sounds like those other people are much more secure than you are. Keep trying at work, but be prepared to look for another job.

Is that really all you got out of what she said over the past couple years in this thread? That and her PMs helped me a lot. Anyhow, I liked the part about probability and trying to go for the best thing you can by doing the best input (focusing on stuff you can do instead of letting the stuff you can't control get to you, cause if you do, you'll end up worse off).

I haven't read the whole thread. But out of that post? Yeah, that's pretty much what she said.  Do the best you can do and don't worry about the rest is ancient advice.

If it's helping it's all good, but it's also what my grandma told me when I started kindergarten.
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I AM POINTY DEATH INCARNATE
Ye know, being an usurper overseer gone mad with power isn't too bad. It's honestly not that different from being a normal overseer.
To summarize:
They do an epic face. If that fails, they beat said object to death with their beard.

Robot Parade Leader

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I dunno. I guess I got something a little ... different than what Ghillis did out of it. And, T's gone again. Fantastic.... Well, T helped me quite a bit actually, and if T ever reads this again, thank you. I owe you one. I was going to loose everything. Basically, T knows CYA and covered mine. My one bad boss got fired, like basically booted out for their BS, though I'm still trying to keep a low profile on that one, because she's probably pissed she's caught. Glad Tiruin's still around though. She's usually pretty nice.

I've been kind of somehow managing, thankfully better than some, not as good as I should be. No drugs, no drinking, no sex, few and far between friends (but thankfully a handful of nice ones). I am largely a shut in right now, and have been for years. I read a lot. That's about it. Plus I (sort of thankfully actually) have the possibility to better myself and my situation, maybe.
http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=170856.0
I'm in kind of a nose to the grindstone situation, but it keeps my head above water for now and it's probably a high functioning depression. Loneliness sucks; but it's "safe." It's kinda sad in its own way, but I'm alive and slowly, painfully slowly might climb up hand over hand to somewhere decent?

I don't know. I'm trying not to resort to the common vices: drugs, drinking, whatever, and I actually never have. I understand why people turn to them though, to forget something or deal with stuff. Totally not saying it's a good idea, that's why I avoid it. Even other stuff kinda falls into that though, like food, or mal adaptive behavior. I'm doing a lot better than some in that catagory, but yeah. I've used food to mask pain, and I'm thankful I even had food to do it (something had to give).

I don't know. Am I making any sense?
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Truean

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Re: Problems with stress and being upset from dealing with people. How do you?
« Reply #177 on: August 09, 2018, 10:43:30 pm »

Please do not quote....

she

Thank you; I mean this. Kindness: the only true currency.

Read the last few years of this thread if you like. Guide, method, coping, theory, and application, among others....  It is tolerance of the intolerable, and seeping solace from stupidity. I took something they never had, though I grant you, that's worse. It contains what we all do, where we all are & aren't, and for that I apologize.


You are. You did. I'm not. You owe me nothing. Our system is flawed; its beneficiaries enjoy that. Those they don't scare, they scar, like me. You had no voice and borrowed mine enough to leave stigmata. A better system is needed. Evidence of your boss' actions dictated her downfall. Lack of it and failure to protect witnesses delayed it.

Continue managing, avoiding vices, and knowing the hole you're trying to fill with food or Mal-adaptive behavior. Flawed tools, but better than many others or none at all and sufficient for now, but not forever. One day, replace flawed tools with better ones. Continue avoiding the common vices. Begin creating virtues. Hand over hand eventually works.

Stay low, gradually improve your situation.

Please do not quote....
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The kinda human wreckage that you love

Current Spare Time Fiction Project: (C) 2010 http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=63660.0
Disclaimer: I never take cases online for ethical reasons. If you require an attorney; you need to find one licensed to practice in your jurisdiction. Never take anything online as legal advice, because each case is different and one size does not fit all. Wants nothing at all to do with law.

Please don't quote me.

Truean

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Re: Problems with stress and being upset from dealing with people. How do you?
« Reply #179 on: September 25, 2018, 10:08:21 pm »

Sometimes I try to be, rarer still I manage helping, by sheer accident.

I don't know. For all failings, I have tried my best to control my imperfect mind when possible.
Hopefully, this helps someone somehow. Honestly, it's all we really have. Everything else comes from it.
I've felt imprisoned in my own mind before. Many have. Stress happens. Hopefully luck saves....
You do what you can where you are, with what you have. Physical, mental, etc., it's all tools.
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The kinda human wreckage that you love

Current Spare Time Fiction Project: (C) 2010 http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=63660.0
Disclaimer: I never take cases online for ethical reasons. If you require an attorney; you need to find one licensed to practice in your jurisdiction. Never take anything online as legal advice, because each case is different and one size does not fit all. Wants nothing at all to do with law.

Please don't quote me.
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