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[MrRoboto75]

In the end I'll be left with nothing.

[TD1]

Perhaps this is horribly blunt?

But if that's the case, then that's the case. You're not around your people. Move on with your life until you are around your people.

I'd say that the mentality underlying your statement is the real issue here.

[MrRoboto75]

Never mind then.  Forgot I can't have problems.

[Il Palazzo]

What's your goal here? It's clearly not seeking advice on how to deal with them. Are you looking for sympathy? Do you just want to vent into a void and be otherwise ignored? It's fine either way, just tell us so that we don't offend you trying to help.

[Schmaven]

Never mind then.  Forgot I can't have problems.

I think a lot of us just want to help.  But more often than not, our "helpful advice" is anything but helpful, despite good intentions.  It's totally fine to just vent without seeking a reply.  Since we're humans though, I suspect we all share similar experiences, but each of our own smattering of corolliary circumstances are indeed quite different, and what works for some is in no way guaranteed to work for anyone else.

Feel free to ignore the feedback.

[ChairmanPoo]

Just do it. Don't let your dreams be dreams

[hector13]

Alright Conikecius.

[nenjin]

Never mind then.  Forgot I can't have problems.

Here's a question for you to dwell on. Or not.

Is this how some of your conversations go in real life? If the answer is yes, then you may want to take some responsibility for helping create a negative atmosphere where people feel obligated to talk to you, to listen and try to support you, but in truth want to pull away from the conversation because of the turn its taking.

This is how this conversation just flowed:
+expresses feelings
+constructive feedback provided
-negative hardline absolutist response one-liner
+re-contextualization provided
-defensive-sounding defeatist response one-liner
-confusion, awkwardness and tension felt by others

Because I'm willing to bet if you're capable of interacting with random strangers on the internet like this, you're doing it to some extent in your rl interactions as well.

----

Fuck it, I'll keep going. I've been a curmudgeon most of my life and often times party pooper myself, I feel qualified to talk about this.

Nobody wants to hang out with a debby downer. Someone who is never really happy, at best neutral. Who is always dwelling on their own issues. Who THEN doubts the desire of people to really want to hang out with them. So they're in a worse mood, and their interactions get crappier and more insecure, they worry more that no one wants to hang out with them....It becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy.

It's not about "not having problems." We all got em. It's about being ready to actually start dealing with your problems when you talk to people about them. No one wants to hear about your problems then have you get petulant about it. Which "fine I guess I can't have problems" is a petulant response.

I had to learn to stop being such a pessimistic asshole when hanging out with people. I still have plenty of those moments, particularly if I'm feeling a lot of self pity. But I learned my energy can make or break situations.

You gotta take ownership of that, and honestly acknowledge being defensive and petulant is not helpful in the majority of situations, doesn't make you friends and doesn't endear you to people.

[dragdeler]

Well, yeah but also no.


Is it really "hardline absolutist" to accurately predict a negative outcome? Sure sure, you can affect the outcome to some degree... Still if you tell somebody "it's a bad idea to rely on me for this, because knowing myself the thing we want to avoid is the most likely outcome"; imagine how it would feel to first hear you didn't want it enough, "fail" "inevitably", and then hear you didn't try hard enough... All you could think to yourself in such a situation is: "doesn't seem like you tried to listen at all".


I wish we could finally establish what really constitutes this phenotype, on a neurological level... Like we have those gross oversimplifications: serotonine equals happiness, thus depression is a lack thereof. It's dumb it's not a linear relation, you won't simply get happier the more serotonine you have, absolutely not, but at least it's some attempt at an explanation... If we had something like: yeah autism is an affectation of the gamma-blablatine system, which is largely responsible for how we regulate shifts of focus in attention; which closely relates ASD ("disorder" of executive funtion), to ADHD ("disorder" of regulatory function) and anxiety disorders (amygdalic component). You know something like that that would make it easier to grasp, even if it's not, can not, be entirely accurate (because brains are the most densely ramified organic material that is "known", and also plastic af and also a muscle that is able to compensate for it's own lack of function...).


It's not like anybody could predict how all the different drugs that affect the dopamine system feel, hearing about their functioning in detail kind of makes it sound like they all do more or less the same, which doesn't correspond to our subjective experience of them at all. But try to describe and classify ASD and it keeps slipping from your fingers... "They can't read emotions" - "No actually some excell at it...it's complicated" - "They're solitary" - "No actually if you look closely most rely on some kind of support, it's complicated" - "so they're just shy?" - "you'd think a shy person would have some serious inhibitions to do some of the stuff they do, it's..." - all the "gifted" stereotypes and the inherent ableism associated to the unecessary distinction between the aspergers and the others... Autism is just annoying to put a finger on and if you somehow managed, it probably wouldn't appreciate being touched anyway  .

As it currently stands I have my doubts that a diagnosis has any major benefits, lest you be utterly priviledged. With the crushing pressure to perform any person that isn't free from material concerns, so basically everybody feels nowadays... What margins are there remaining, in which accomodation could realistically happen. What can even be accomodated for? Heh, even in some cockaigne like switzerland, I'd be concerned to let any insurers know about ANY mental deviation, their entire business model is making the coldest bets ever. Dating is a marketplace, what hasn't been commidified? To be realistic about the impact of ASD on quality of life is to acknowledge that you have a competitive disadvantage in general, socially. To say ignorance is bliss is such a clichee, but it can feel like you are surrounded gold-fish, that for some inexplicable reason get to make-up the rules as they go. The real disadvantage isn't that there is more work involved, which I guess on some imaginary checklist substracts you some scorepoints; but that's irrelevant because there are too many surprises and irrational preferences along the way... The real disadvantage is when masking you're basically swimming in their soup, (which can also be navigated (hear mitigated) through intuition), and then when you return to baseline, you get to discover your actual feelings and the problem with that is that your day is also only 24 hours long, just as theirs. The infamous vulnerability to being exploited that is sometimes brought up in discussions about autism. I think that's only a subsection, it can go many ways, and most will have developped coping strategies at ... >an< age. Aaah my goal really isn't to point any fingers, just some general piece of advice before I move on, I would advise refraining from advising to any autist that they make any drastic changes to their social surroundings, difficult to predict the complex loyalty trades that happened up to that point, (since as elaborated from before pure market logic is insufficient), and who's had it up to where, there are legitimate concerns that are just as legitimate to hurl back. I mean realistically a relationship built on long term loyalty and generous quid pro quo, could take a punch, but it might be allready strained.



My current hearing problems reminded me of an episode in my life that should serve as a neat example: as an "adult" I get to indict the other party of being wrong, that is certainly not how it went the last time... My ears are plugged m'kay? You know when you got like water in your ears and you hear what happens inside your skull very loud, like chewing and such, but you hear badly, and escpecially higher frequencies, yeah that... Spend more than a month like that and then tell me you still have high confidence in the volume you're picking to talk... and so since I err towards softspokeness out of precaution, people constantly forget I'm starting to be seriously hearing impaired, which results in some cruel twists of irony... I have to repeat myself more often than they do, BECAUSE I CATEGORICALLY REFUSE TO START EVERY SENTENCE WITH A SUPERFLOUS INTERLOCUTION THAT IS SUPPOSED TO BOOTSTRAP YOUR ATTENTION, "HEY NAME, *insert sentence", yeah no FUCK THAT PAY ATTENTION, DO YOU HAVE THE SLIGHTEST IDEA HOW HARD I AM CURRENTLY TRYING?


And yeah that brings me back to being in kindergarden, ears plugged (otitis and such), and I'm trying to get my kindergarden teacher to speak up and she is too self-absorbed and needs to act performatively like fucking whispering half the story she's reading to us sitting in circle and stuff like that... and then you get accused of not paying attention, and in the end when the doctor clears it all up you don't even get a valid apology. I think that encapsulates it pretty nicely, my stupid life and it's tendancy to keep arcing back to this litterary quality, honestly it sounds made up.



I hope you recognize, senior roberto roboto, that whenever we react, it is usually out of a genuine concern for your well-being.




Just a tiny addition that to me seems hugely important and that a NT would probably reject out of prejudice.

I CATEGORICALLY REFUSE TO START EVERY SENTENCE WITH A SUPERFLOUS INTERLOCUTION THAT IS SUPPOSED TO BOOTSTRAP YOUR ATTENTION, "HEY NAME, *insert sentence"

Why not aren't you making life intentionally hard for yourself?

My sweet child I see you have never been through this: How long before that doesn't suffice anymore either.... Or god forbid the worst possible offense that should be penalized through means of instant lynching: they start mocking you for allways using that same phrase, that you were only using to lubricate the exchange.

[Schmaven]

Well, yeah but also no.
...

It sounds like you're living your life on a few difficulty levels higher than normal.  In most games (not that life is a game, but often it can be like that) playing on a higher difficulty can bring greater rewards.  There can be a sweetness to it that others with easier conditions will never be able to taste.

But agin, I eat my own shoe, and need to refrain from commenting.

Also, if you're able to be just mildly upset about things, that's commendable.

[dragdeler]

Hm it's flattering but I'm not sure it's the best way to put it, what difficulty are the people in the support network playing on then... Because it's a real question, there are conveniences, if you know the personal preferences folks on the spectrum can be very convenient to deal with, but then in the sum of things there allways remains: "Why am I allways the one doing these parts?"


Adulation is also a topic in and of itself, you don't need to be neurodivergant or even just slightly introverted, for your accomplishments to never be noticed. Those achievements that tend to be noticed are the one's that are proclaimed the loudest, as you know advertisement will allways eat up a part of the budget so make your own conclusions about those loudmouths. I still think it's a sound strategy to just let your actions speak for themselves, may the dice fall where they may, and they will fall in unanticipated manners, at least sometimes. Chances are what you think of as your best work isn't the thing that is going to get you the most attention, whereas another thing that might seem as iconsequential as "seemed the obvious thing to do or say" might get you a ton of appraisal, again you don't need to be on the spectrum to experience any of these things.


If you insist I'll give myself a deflated pat on the shoulder for waking up and choosing violence, and then only taking out my anger on the software of a PDA, no yellings were had today.



No I just wanted to provide some perspective, of course I'll come in with the personal stories that's the only way I know how to relate  ... But like, arcing back to paragraph 2: it allways felt worthless, allmost disengenuine when people attempt to describe themselves... Much better to have your mate say: "yeah he's a standup guy", then to declare yourself "I'm a standup guy"... You know what I mean? Of course roboto might think of it as self-insertive and annoying, but oh well I tried, guess I'm working through some stuff myself too.


edit: and nenjin did have some points

edit2: strikethrough apostrophe is cute, eat that convention

[da_nang]

More link rot incoming as Discord makes external file links to Discord content temporary. No more Discord CDN.

I already know one website I frequent that will be hit as creative content gets lost.

[heydude6]

What does that mean exactly? Does that mean stuff posted to a server will eventually get purged or will that simply prevent people from outside the server from viewing content posted inside the server (always thought it was weird that you could just paste discord content URLs to a browser).

[Sirus]

What does that mean exactly? Does that mean stuff posted to a server will eventually get purged or will that simply prevent people from outside the server from viewing content posted inside the server (always thought it was weird that you could just paste discord content URLs to a browser).

The latter. Files within a server will remain indefinitely and can be viewed by anyone in said server, but any links posted to services outside of Discord will only work for a short time.

Essentially, they are taking steps to keep people from using their servers as free file hosting.

[MaxTheFox]

Welp, rip convenient image hosting. But it's understandable given how much space it must have taken up.