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[Kagus]

But this sounds like you have the opportunity to take some time to breathe and care for yourself completely, and not have to worry about another person? Loneliness is a real killer though, I feel that. I hope things with this girl conclude with the least amount of hurt.

I hope so too, and I'm believing less and less that it's going to go particularly well. Guess we'll just have to see come Sunday.


As for caring for myself, well... That's something I really, really don't like doing. I'm trying, but I hate every moment of it. I really don't think that I deserve it.

Anyways, hairdresser appointment today, going to make some big changes.

EDIT: Wait, wait, I've got an image saved that describes some of how I've been feeling the past few weeks. Lemme just... Ah, there it is.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

EDIT2: In other news, I'm required to inform the social system of any changes to my living arrangements, so I told them about my moving out from my ex's place and into a new address where I'd be living alone. I figured that living alone might mean that I'd get a slightly higher amount in disability, since I'm not splitting the rent with anyone.

Apparently, the social system thought I was living alone and was paying me accordingly. So now they're "increasing" my amount to what I've been getting the whole time, and then going to send me a bill for how much they overpaid me the rest of the year.

[Gentlefish]

...Wut? "We know you're relying on disability alone but here's this bill for the disability you could hardly live on even when you were splitting rent" that makes sense.

I guess bureaucracy is terrible everywhere.

As for myself, my grandmother passed last week, which I guess should belong in the sad thread proper but I'm not too torn up about it. She was old and had bad lungs, I was prepared. The rest of my family however... They're a mess proper and I'm more concerned with their well-being than the fact my grandmother passed.

[Grim Portent]

Been riding a mood boost since I adjusted to my higher medication dosage. Now I'm starting to flag and lose what motivation and focus it was giving me. Still better than I was before the increased dosage, but it's looming in my head how close I am to just curling up and shutting myself off again.

[Kagus]

Been riding a mood boost since I adjusted to my higher medication dosage. Now I'm starting to flag and lose what motivation and focus it was giving me. Still better than I was before the increased dosage, but it's looming in my head how close I am to just curling up and shutting myself off again.

The change is always a bit funky, but the important thing to remember is that while you may be experiencing similarly dark thoughts you are more equipped to tackle them. It's not just how surmountable or insurmountable the obstacle before you seems, it's also the strength you have available to overcome that obstacle. And if you pay attention, you will notice a difference.

It's worrying you just how close you are to falling back... But that in itself should be encouragement. You didn't get the chance to worry before, you just fell before you knew what was happening. Now you're in a different position.

[methylatedspirit]

I drank a cup of coffee 2 hours ago (didn't sleep enough last night), and now I'm anxious about my own future. It's not even coherent anxiety, it's just this constant feeling of existential dread. Hundreds of thoughts racing through my head, all of them about how I'm gonna 'fail'. I don't know what, all I know is that I'm 'failing', whatever the fuck that means.

I swear to God, I should really avoid coffee next time.

[dragdeler]

-

[Yoink]

Was in a good mood yesterday, got some stuff done, talked to some people and it seemed as though nothing could get me down.
Today I was supposed to go over to some friends' (friends plural) place to catch up and all that, but I've spent the day feeling horrifically unmotivated instead. It looks doubtful whether I will go over there at all.

Part of this is no doubt thanks to the hangover I accrued last night after my housemate suggested going to a gig, as well as the depressing fact that I managed to doze off and miss my stop no less than three bloody times on my w way home this morning. Shameful.


I can't remember where I was going with this post. Just file it under whinging, I guess.

[Iduno]

I drank a cup of coffee 2 hours ago (didn't sleep enough last night), and now I'm anxious about my own future. It's not even coherent anxiety, it's just this constant feeling of existential dread. Hundreds of thoughts racing through my head, all of them about how I'm gonna 'fail'. I don't know what, all I know is that I'm 'failing', whatever the fuck that means.

I swear to God, I should really avoid coffee next time.

I forgot anxiety can be coherent. I'm used to daily "everything is going to die, I'm about to die, I need to fight, I need to run away"-type stuff running in my head constantly.

Meds are great, because you can just feel nothing. It's very peaceful.

[TamerVirus]

More meme related sadness this week as Grumpy Cat died today

[Eric Blank]

Well fuck. Poor grumpy cat

[methylatedspirit]

Meds are great, because you can just feel nothing. It's very peaceful.

The meds you're taking are the exact opposite of the meds I'm taking. They make me more attentive, but it's stressful. I have to convince myself on weekdays, during breakfast, that taking these pills is for my own good. The manufacturers have the balls to claim that this shit is "habit-forming". I wish it were habit-forming, then I wouldn't have to do this cost-benefit analysis on a bunch of pills!

I don't like taking stimulants, is what I'm saying.

[Iduno]

I think that's why my insurance quit letting me have my medications. They cost a non-zero amount of money, and insurance is a scam are potentially habit-forming because not freaking the fuck out at everything is a habit many people have.

And agreed that stimulants are awful.

[Hanslanda]

Depressed. Think I've been depressed for a month or more. Probably the longest consecutive series of depressed days I've had yet.

It's exhausting.

[Yoink]

I'm supposed to go do this stupid fucking voting bullshit again today.
As usual, finding actual information on all the turds you're expected to number in order of preference (because having a normal voting system would be far too sensible for this backwater country) is a colossal pain in the arse.

[Iduno]

So I'm guessing you don't get a write-in vote for "execute them all"?