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[hector13]

Baby steps, dude. You’ve just got out a relationship and got your own space. Allow yourself the time to heal, enjoy the space you have to yourself. Then worry about what you can do with it, not what you can’t.

[Dunamisdeos]

I can't play guitar in my APT at all. The sound would wake someone up. Also I'm goddam terrible at it.

You're not performing anything for anyone anymore. What you can do is good enough, and noone can tell you otherwise. That's your space now.

[Arx]

The national elections were a bit less than a week ago. There's a party that's had some minor (but significant) popularity here, the Economic Freedom Fighters (EFF). They are, in fairly simplistic terms, a black nationalist type of party, which (almost entirely black) people vote for because they're ticked off with the current government.

I don't mind that. I wouldn't want the EFF in power, but that's unlikely, and it's good to have the pressure of a party pulling ~10% of the current ruling party's demographic. It might push them to do more constructive things.

The trouble is, on the other hand there's another party, the Vryheid Front (Freedom Front). They are, in fairly simplistic terms, a white nationalist type of party (...in the current political climate, that makes them sound like literal Nazis. They're not that bad, unless they're hiding it well). They went up from having a basically negligible portion of the vote in 2014 to a still small, but much more appreciable, portion this year.

Repeat the paragraph before that, except instead of pulling from the ruling party's demographic it's a clear expression that something is ticking off some white people (probably the EFF).

The real crunch is that I have a bad feeling this is instead of leading to, you know, reasonable compromise and clear-headed discussion, leading to the EFF going "look at those white nationalists! They want to reinstate apartheid!" and the VF going "look at those black nationalists! They want to steal your property just because you're white!"

It's just ugly. I doubt it'll be big enough to be a major divisive issue, but it leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

[Yoink]

Going home tomorrow. On top of all the general airport stress I'll probably have to catch a yuba or some shit on the other end because nobody there cares enough to drop everything and come get me, and I didn't get around to guilting anyone with a car into doing so.

Oh, wait, I mean today. It's 4am.

[Telgin]

One of our network engineers quit today, and between the two that were hired last year he was hands down the better.  I'm not part of the engineering team, but I'm still sad to see him go and expect a ton of frayed nerves in the coming months as our company goes into its busy season without him and with another of the engineers out on paternity leave.  The fact that the company chose to not hire any new engineers despite working all of them almost to death last year is why he decided to quit in the first place, so this is going to be pretty bad for those that are left.

[itisnotlogical]

I played Overwatch today. I was hoping for some teamwork, somebody to chat with, anything.

Nope, today on OW everybody just feels like playing Halo and doing their own thing. After getting steamrolled by the most basic strategies and comps, I'm starting to question why I even own this game. At least Halo and Battlefront don't even pretend that there's teamwork involved.

[Yoink]

I am sitting in an airport feeling most discombobulated.

I actually planned on writing a whole post following on from this and explaining my mood and situation, but my phone was flat and I wound up just scribbling down an even more disjointed version on the back of a receipt.
Better than nothing, I suppose. Maybe I'll edit it in here later on when I'm less on-edge.


Edit: also my flight was delayed and I have over three hours still to wait. Jeez.

[TamerVirus]

YTMND is now defunct.
So ends yet another aspect of mid-2000s meme culture.

[JoshuaFH]

But how will I ever know who's the man now dog?

[Kagus]

I am again reminded of how I am never quite as finished with feelings as I think I am, and how it is still just as painful/uncomfortable as ever to try and do the right thing.

[Gentlefish]

I am again reminded of how I am never quite as finished with feelings as I think I am, and how it is still just as painful/uncomfortable as ever to try and do the right thing.

Doing the right thing is hardly easy, but you made it out of your old place. That's a huge step forward.

I saw on the last page that you're working through maths through Khan academy. I'm a CompSci major and I've been told I'm alright at tutoring. If you run into any sort of mental block I'm more than happy to try and help you work through it.

I'm also just like, generally available. PMs are always open. Don't feel obligated tho, I kinda feel like I'm pushing bounds by just offering

I played Overwatch today. I was hoping for some teamwork, somebody to chat with, anything.

Nope, today on OW everybody just feels like playing Halo and doing their own thing. After getting steamrolled by the most basic strategies and comps, I'm starting to question why I even own this game. At least Halo and Battlefront don't even pretend that there's teamwork involved.

Heh. I feel that. I haven't touched OW since the last event because of that. I always wondered if it was more fun with a team but I never have the energy to pull one together and maintain it.

[Kagus]

I am again reminded of how I am never quite as finished with feelings as I think I am, and how it is still just as painful/uncomfortable as ever to try and do the right thing.

Doing the right thing is hardly easy, but you made it out of your old place. That's a huge step forward.

It's not even that though, the situation with my ex is what it is and I'm more or less at ease with it. The big cherry on top of my unfinished business sundae is the gal I fell in love with while I was still together with my ex, who I explained my feelings to back in April after something came out about her banging her roommate and I couldn't keep a brave face anymore, and who ghosted me for three weeks after I made my confession. We're talking again, more or less, and have agreed to meet up and clear the air on the 19th.

Except today she had a big oral math exam, one she'd failed twice before, and she was kinda freaking out about it. So I talked with her, let her vent a bit, tried to calm her down and support her... Even though it hurts to talk with her. Then I congratulated her afterwards when she said she'd passed, even though that hurt too since the roommate was first in line to provide congratulations.

Then later on today we were both part of a welcoming party to say hi to a bartender who's been on sick leave and tending to his dying (now dead) father for the past few months. I figured "Alright, we can just keep our distance and I'll be fine. A good friend is gonna be there as well, I can just talk to her instead".

Except that the object of my desire also felt the need to have a couple side conversations within eavesdropping range about her roommate apparently wanting something more than just a fuckbuddy arrangement, and how she "Kinda wants to be in a relationship, but also kinda just wants to suck some dick". That was nice to hear. Then there was the other conversation about the roomie giving her the silent treatment "When she comes home with different people". Also lots of fun to listen to, when you've previously been getting all these little reminders that you're not quite as finished with your feelings for this girl as you'd thought and/or hoped.

So that's been my day. I've done absolutely nothing useful or constructive with the apartment, other than "testing out" the shower. Shower works.

I saw on the last page that you're working through maths through Khan academy. I'm a CompSci major and I've been told I'm alright at tutoring. If you run into any sort of mental block I'm more than happy to try and help you work through it.

Don't bother; I don't think you realize just how far behind I am in regards to curriculum. I'm 29 years old, and Khan is currently helping me come to terms with nested fractions.

Kind of happens when you grew up with 0 organized education. So for all of my "Staring at science's ass while it passes by", I'm a fucking ignorant shithead who has no knowledge of any actual disciplines and can't hold his own in a discussion about... Well, much of anything, really. Which sucks, since I have no other skills or experience to offer up either.


No job, no education, no passion, no car, no anything... No fucking wonder nobody wants me. Can't blame them.

[Iduno]

I am again reminded of how I am never quite as finished with feelings as I think I am, and how it is still just as painful/uncomfortable as ever to try and do the right thing.

Doing the right thing is hardly easy, but you made it out of your old place. That's a huge step forward.

It's not even that though, the situation with my ex is what it is and I'm more or less at ease with it. The big cherry on top of my unfinished business sundae is the gal I fell in love with while I was still together with my ex, who I explained my feelings to back in April after something came out about her banging her roommate and I couldn't keep a brave face anymore, and who ghosted me for three weeks after I made my confession. We're talking again, more or less, and have agreed to meet up and clear the air on the 19th.

Except today she had a big oral math exam, one she'd failed twice before, and she was kinda freaking out about it. So I talked with her, let her vent a bit, tried to calm her down and support her... Even though it hurts to talk with her. Then I congratulated her afterwards when she said she'd passed, even though that hurt too since the roommate was first in line to provide congratulations.

Then later on today we were both part of a welcoming party to say hi to a bartender who's been on sick leave and tending to his dying (now dead) father for the past few months. I figured "Alright, we can just keep our distance and I'll be fine. A good friend is gonna be there as well, I can just talk to her instead".

Except that the object of my desire also felt the need to have a couple side conversations within eavesdropping range about her roommate apparently wanting something more than just a fuckbuddy arrangement, and how she "Kinda wants to be in a relationship, but also kinda just wants to suck some dick". That was nice to hear. Then there was the other conversation about the roomie giving her the silent treatment "When she comes home with different people". Also lots of fun to listen to, when you've previously been getting all these little reminders that you're not quite as finished with your feelings for this girl as you'd thought and/or hoped.

At least you can take solace in the idea that she would have been stressful to date, so you at least dodged that.

[Kagus]

I am trying. I am trying really hard.

It's not working that well.

EDIT: I mean it does help, to some extent, but... Yeah, no, way too many hangups to just let it go without getting hurt by it.

[Gentlefish]

Doesn't bother me how far behind you are, tbh. There's a lot of "simple" math I never really got the hang of myself, mostly in algebra. But the offer's open so long my inbox exists.

But this sounds like you have the opportunity to take some time to breathe and care for yourself completely, and not have to worry about another person? Loneliness is a real killer though, I feel that. I hope things with this girl conclude with the least amount of hurt.