God do I just obsess over stupid things. I have a coworker at work who is a 60 yr old grandma (in fact all my coworkers are older women that could be my mom or grandma in age), and because our job leaves us with a lot of empty time, I'm trying to recount a story idea I had, both to fill time and also because I'm desperate to get my ideas out of my head because they bounce around endlessly leaving me with no clue if they're even sane ideas or not. Perhaps I'm just being too self-conscious, and perhaps because I'm always too emotionally invested in my own ideas, but I feel all I was doing we being an obnoxious bore. It's not like my puerile story idea would be even vaguely interesting to someone who's older and world-weary anyway, I just can't get it out of my head that I was just being very selfish in that conversation.
It's just one of those weeks where I feel overly sensitive and introspective, and me being so rapt in my thoughts means I'm even more awkward and air-headed, which leads to me beating myself up over it and retreating even further into my introspection and becoming even more sensitive.
It's also my sister's birthday, I'm because of my sleep schedule, I'm just too tired to go to her party, but it's probably for the best, being tired will just make me even further irritable, and noone (barring my sister) will be there that I like, and in fact only tolerate. It's for the best, I'll just be a burden and a liability to the festivity. Though that doesn't stop my mom from guilt tripping me about it, because she needs to borrow my car, but I don't want to even let her touch it because her personal judgment is shit at best, the roads are still slippery, and I *NEED* my car, on pain of death I need it, so letting anything happen to it worries me sick. I gave some money to my Sis, enough to grab a taxi so she can traverse about town and go where she wants to go for her birthday, but I'm still upset about it.
Can't I go for any length of time without just emotionally falling apart?