"Er. Well. My name is Thomas Minstep, an insurance agent. I was climbing the ridge on my way to Elizabeth, and there was a dreadful rockslide or two. Found myself stuck on a ledge, where there a cavern leading inward. I tried it out, there may have been another rockslide, and I found myself in a room in your caverns. I took the stairs out and here I am. I don't mean to intrude; if you point me in the right direction I'll be on my way."
Stand and explain; make no moves, aggressive or otherwise.
[How Did I Get Here: 4]
You took the stairs, the sharpest one of the three camouflaged fellows says. The ones over yonder, he points at the tunnel.
You nod amiably - is there some kind of problem? The fellow motions with his head for one of his assistants to head down and check. There is a muttering as they take a bit to agree on the exact chain of command here, and eventually the sharper one just goes down himself, leaving you up here under the guard of his two ghillie-suited associates.
You attempt to make conversation over the next couple minutes, but the remaining two only point their spears at you when you do. The woman ambles off urgently, and the boy follows, looking back at you and waving as he walks off without a care in the world.
The third man comes back. He stares at you with an expression of horror on his face. What did you do, he asks. What did you do?
It's like you said, you begin, you were climbing the ridge on your way to Elizabeth and there was a dreadful rockslide or two, and then you-
What happened to them, he yells at you and you begin to realize he's probably meaning this rhetorically. The other two look at him very worriedly. What did you do, he continues to shout, clutching his spear to his chest in a white-knuckled grip, seemingly more for his own protection than as a threat to you.
Maybe he needs to lie down, one of his associates says. Er, better take him to his tent, the other one suggests and starts leading the panicked man away.
The sole remaining guard turns to you. Right, he says. This hasn't happened before, strictly speaking, at least not on his own shift, but he's pretty sure you're going back down the cliff that you came up by. By any means necessary, he says and brandishes his spear menacingly.
"I suck at music." Stop the music. "But I love music, so why would I suck at it?" Ponder about this mismatch of love and ability. Drink my sorrows away. And try to remember why we are drinking in first place.
You kill the music and a breath of relief washes over most of the room. An atmosphere of merriment, however, does not return as the man with the ball quietly contemplates as to whether this cave moonshine wouldn't serve his friends better than it would you.
[The Party's Tired Now: 5]
As the stillborn festivities drag on and Bruce continues to dance even without any kind of music to accompany him, you sit there and drink. He's got a certain drunken mesmerism to his movements, you gotta hand it to the boy. Sloppy, but he's got a good deal of spirits in him so it doesn't matter. The lamplighter urges him on periodically, chuckling to herself as she watches him make a complete mess of himself. The elder messes around with his robe for a moment and pulls out a little chunk of what looks like solid pitch, popping it into his mouth and starting to chew it resolutely as he watches young Bruce with faint amusement.
You get the weird feeling that there was something you were supposed to be doing, you say as you down another round of hard liquor. The lamplighter looks your way. You were looking for something, she's pretty sure. Yeah, Earnest says on your other side, the little guy said something about, uh... a box, right?
Right, you shout and suddenly get up. There was that! It's all coming back to you!
There was some kind of party planned to find it, Earnest continues to relate from memory, and getting drunk was apparently a, er, vital part of the investigation according to the dancing guy. Wait, he says with a sudden look of disappointed realization, does that make this a search party?
Bruce bursts into sudden laughter, but is otherwise of absolutely no help.
The lamplighter furrows her brow. So you were... retracing your steps... to check where you might have lost this box thing. Sounds like it, Earnest says, though maybe you should have got a little less drunk before, you know, starting to investigate. Nonsense, the lamplighter retorts, if anything there's not been enough alcohol to make sense of this.
You didn't lose it, you correct. Lee did. After you entrusted it to her, too!
Is that why she looks different, Earnest asks. She did look, er, out of sorts. Plus she was wearing... somebody else's robe, he notes with a bit of sadness. The lamplighter hoots with laughter. Hah! She always thought there was a beast in that girl, let her tell you. Something in the eyes, you know! The kind of girl you get a few drinks into and then anything can happen.
Heheheh, she continues. Shame she can't really remember much of last night. She'd pay to see our Lee getting down with her bad self. The few bits and pieces left in her mind are downright tantalizing.
Daniels chuckles. "I've never been one to refuse a gift when it's offered."
Yeah, why not, have a few drinks with the guy. Emphasis on 'a few', don't let myself get anything past moderately buzzed as far as drunkness goes. Offer the excuse of 'I have to corral Rainbow's apprentices soon' if he objects to my moderation. Being drunk around minders seems like a bad idea, no matter how alien my subconscious is.
He's not exactly offering you to get completely shitfaced with him, more just a few toasts - to excellent decisions, to good judgment, to the Vault and her delightful captain! A more beautiful bastard to spend the century with he surely could not name.
The rum, as you've come to expect from most of the things in the sailors' possession, is really quite great. Probably ranks among the best you've ever had, and after you've had a few you feel a nice warmth build up in you.
Dipper, pleased as he is, takes a moment to inquire about how you've been finding the Vault - you answer in a friendly, but not overly informative fashion as the two of you while away the time in the office. He's missed home, you know. El really is quite something else. Every time you think you've seen what it has to offer, it goes and changes up on you again. To the land of the eternal spring, resting on the shore of a missing sea. El, where flowers bud forever, and all fruits ripen as you pluck them! Dipper raises his glass one last time, and you have one for the road before he excuses himself (you're a little glad after the fact, the rum he's got is the kind that you can't help but want to come back to).
In any case, you both head out of the office lightly buzzed and quite cheery, and Dipper locks the door leading in before bidding you adieu - got the final preparations to make for the farewell feast, and they'll leave on the morrow! He laughs to the skies and heads down the main street whistling before disappearing down a side passage a little unsteadily.
You scratch your head. Suppose you should find the minder apprentices.
[Last Orders: 3]
You go over to check where you last saw them, which is to say on that roof that they were standing on apparently until further notice. You are pleased when two of them are still there, trying their hardest to balance there and not pay attention to their surroundings. Seems like they're not informed. Probably somebody thought it would be funnier that way.
Stop, close eyes, deep breath, open eyes. When this inevitably fails to resolve confusion, shrug it off and have a closer look at any available books.
[Fair Brokerage: 3]
You close your eyes and take a deep breath. A gentle, moist breeze rises up around you, leaving a faint chill as you open your eyes and find that things have remained nominally the same.
Which is to say that you happen to still be in the same pawn shop, albeit now there are two rows of display cases, one on either side of you, running either way as far as the eye can see. Each display case, though clearly large enough to hold something up to and including the size of a halberd, appears to contain exactly one book.
[Literature For The Masses: 3]
The titles, you figure from walking along the rows for a bit, appear to be quite eclectic. "Old, Unhappy, Terrible Things: A Rank Amateur's Primer On Advanced Necromancy" (pressed in gold leaf upon a human leather binding), "The Collected Works Of The Regrettably Short-Lived Publishing House Of Their Shining Scales Gleaming In The Midday Sun" (filling the entire cover of something no thicker than a comic book in a large font), "The Miraculous Musical Masterpieces Of Master Grumble And Where Exactly He Found Them" (bits of sheet music tucked between mismatched pages of a three-ring binder) and "My Diary" (author sadly unnamed) are but a few of them, and they only seem to get increasingly obscure, but also strangely more elaborate as you walk along the aisle.
I approach Oggie and attempt to introduce some strategy into her plan "Hey, so I've been thinking about the best way to take revenge on the stoatmen. I wandered that way... two days ago, I think? Maybe three. Anyway, all I saw were unimportant commoners and footsoldiers. It'll probably be tempting to take your vengeance out on them, but I think we'd only draw attention to ourselves. If we wait to find someone important before we start any violence, I think we could do a lot more damage and stop the stoats from doing the same thing to anyone else."
[Delay For Maximum Effect: 3]
Unimportant, you say? Good, Oggie responds. Unimportant ones no one will miss. Good practice, too.
But she sees what you mean. She will leave a few alive. There is no time to get them all. Must get to important places. Have more important people to break.
You look at the doctor as you come to this sort of agreement. She gives you a tentative thumbs up, hoping you'll maybe return the gesture.
Leif Erikson, Miner and Lush
- Half-basket of apple-like mushrooms (hallucinogenic)
- Paper party crown (worn)
- Moth-robe (worn)
- Itchy Woolen Britches (worn)
- A Word: INEVITABLE
- A Word: APOCALYPSE
- A Word: DRINK
- Body Count: 228
- Mead of Poetry (4 shining revelations remaining)
- Enders' Friend: The Grave of Red Clouds Parting
- Inscribed Wooden Stylus
- Iron spear
- 1.03 gp
- The Box: ?
- Induced Lucidity: A Map of Things Real and Imagined
- Compatibility: Minding
- Tricks of the Mind: Perception, Memory
- Tricks of the Mind: Engagement, Negation, Abstraction, Prestige
- Tricks of the Mind: the Self, the Other
- Gods of the Underground: Did You Just What
- A Visit From The Stork: Is What You Yes
- The Voracious Dark: Two Deals Made
- The Voracious Dark: The Promised Sixth
- Moth's Flight: Honorary Clansman
- A Night That Burns Forever: Let's Drink, Drink
- The Miracle of Life: Wayward Rabbit
Eileen Minett, Vinyl Collector
- Wounds: 1
- Traces of Mischief: Plasma Scars
- Distilled alcohol (in flask)
- Spirits of salt (in clay jar)
- Soaps of elk, bear, bat and snake
- 4 flasks of lamp oil
- Oil lamp (lit)
- Linen stoat shirt (worn, plasma-scorched)
- Stoat trousers (worn)
- Comfy slippers (worn)
- Never-made scimitar (blackened, slightly dull)
- Tooth-handled hunting knife
- Black leather boots
- An assemblage of amber and amethysts
- Silver thread-necklace
- Onyx spiral earrings
- 2 oaken rings
- Rusty, bloodstained knife
- A Word: HUNGER
- A Word: SYNTHESIS
- A Weapon: Explosive Cysts
- Grenade Jumping: A Solid Technique
- The Good Doctor: Secret Histories
- Sword of the Sand People: Cleaning Supplies
- Sword of the Sand People: The Services of a Minder
- Higher Tonight: There And Back Again
- The Old Mistress: Like A House On Fire
Jack Daniels, Karate Man
- Red and gold vest and breeches combo (worn)
- Leather boots (worn)
- Rubber mattress (filled with water)
- 14033 gp (in sack)
- Poor Unfortunate Soul: Forever Captive
- The Queen's Guard: Actual Asset
- Powers of the Beyond: Gardener of Thoughts
- Garden of Thoughts: the Stoat-Magistrate
- Dusty Wooden Speaking-Trumpet
- Crossbow Bolt (in throat)
- A Word: REND
- A Word: SILENCE
- A Word: EXECRABLE
- A Weapon: Murder-Thought
- Uncoupled: Strength
- Wooden Door
- The Winding Path of Inspiration: Run Like Hell
- Induced Lucidity: The Silent Garden
- Elongated Affairs: Enemy of the New State
- A Place In History: Vastly Unreliable
- 2 rats, crushed
- 1 rat, strangled
- 1 rat, live
- Travels In The Fourth Dimension: Sunday ± 2 Days
- Doomstones: So High Up But Such A Bitter View
- The Majordomo: A Great Divide Between Us Now
- The Voracious Dark: Decreasing Demand
- The Voracious Dark: More Specific Requests
- The Vault of Heavens: Special Treatment
- Scars of Time: Practiced Acquaintance
- The Night Sky: A Useful Fellow Is He
- Body Count: 3
Thomas Minstep, Insurance Agent
- Wounds: 2
- A Word: ABSENCE
- A Word: GOODBYE
- A Word: WORM
- A Weapon: The Sword They Fear
- Insurance contracts, signed in triplicate: 13
- Gamble
- Nobody Cares
- Helen Clampitt
- Lily
- Undine and Prosper Eke
- Silver
- Tabernacle, treefisher scout
- Treefisher elder
- 4 treefishers
- Make A Man Out Of You: Battle-Tested
- The Grip of Tharn: Insurance Against The Storm
- Ranging fork
- 2 feet of sinew-thread
- Tooth-needle
- A Bowl, Black and Knobby
- Tight Leather Pants (worn)
- Incredibly Tight Blue Dress (worn, mutilated, mildly provocative)
- Travels In The Fourth Dimension: Sunday, July 25th, 409 S.D.
- The Queen's Guard: A Reward Well Earned
- The New Queen: Lasting Gratitude
- The Box: Absolutely Delightful
- Bloody Well Kicked Off: An Existential Threat
- Body Count: 2
Oscar Wilde, Chemistry Teacher
- A Word: REVELATION
- The Wicked King's Missive On Economic Reform (in massive silver scroll case)
- Wounds: 1
- Traces of Mischief: Glowing Facial Rift
- The Serpent's Egg: Dissemination
- Body Count: 4
- Cornerstone Helm (worn, collecting light)
- Time-ender's measure (wrapped, processing? stopping?)
- 10 m of rope
- Half a candle
- 1 rat, skinless and smoked
- 6 gp
- Poor Misshapen Dice
- Lock of Hair (unidentified)
- Iron nail, unused
- An Inauspicious Key
- Burlap Foot Wrappings (worn)
- Burlap Hand Wrappings (worn)
- Moth-Eaten Hat (worn)
- Respectable Brown Skirt (worn)
- Old Brown Waistcoat (worn)
- Bright Yellow Tunic (worn)
- A Wealth of Burlap Ribbons
- The Winding Path of Inspiration: The Less Dangerous Friend
- The King's Court: The Greatest Gift of All
- The King's Court: The North Wind's Gift
- The King's Court: The East Wind's Gift
- The King's Court: The South Wind's Gift
- The King's Court: The West Wind's Gift
- The King's Court: A Gift For The Wicked King
- Wizzards Bargins: A Spool of Copper Wire
- Wizzards Bargins: A Roll of Your Finest Sticky Tape
- Wizzards Bargins: A Hunk of Exquisite Graphite