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Voting closed: October 08, 2015, 10:25:56 pm

[SQman]

WHY IS THERE A NAKED GORLAK CHAINED TO YOUR COFFIN

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) you'd like to know, wouldn't you? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

[Bearskie]

...

Btw, the miners weren't included in the Total Armament Project; they were lethal enough with their pickaxes as it was. Problem is they mostly have other labors enabled, so you'll probably need to do max priority mining if you want results stat.

PSA:It's fps hell down there due to all the animals (so many animals), and the rapidly-drying moat.

Spoiler: Quasar (click to show/hide)

Pretty snazzy room eh?


With roaches beside your bead when you wake up

[QuQuasar]

Ooh, megaproject. I think I know where this is heading, although I could be completely wrong and you might just be planning on making a giant vanity statue.

You're completely wrong then. I'm no mega-architect, and definitely not someone who'd make statues when there's so much to do. That's just something to ensure that dwarves and traders (especially traders) are safer.

         
No no, walls are in fact exactly what I was expecting. Walling off that much of the surface is a pretty big project requiring lots of blocks, as well as a reasonably sensible solution to the moat problem. It's not exactly "just turn the pump back on" levels of sensible, but it's way more dwarfy.
         
Besides, we can always increase it to 3-tiles thick, 5 z-levels high and topped with fortifications, ballista and magma cannons in the future, so it might well be the start of a megaproject.
         

With roaches beside your bead when you wake up

It serves as Quasar's daily reminder that the bug people are, in fact, coming to kill us all. Nothing like waking up every morning to an iron image of yourself covered in bugs to keep you vigilant.
         
I've got my eye on you, thrips people. Don't think I don't see you up there, scaring our livestock, shaking dat ass. Watching us. Waiting for the perfect moment to strike and/or get eaten by our dogs. It's all part of the hivemind's plan.
         

WHY IS THERE A NAKED GORLAK CHAINED TO YOUR COFFIN

You know how sometimes people are like "you don't want to know" and you're like "yes, I do want to know, that's why I asked"?
         
This is not one of those times.
         
And you thought human fetishes were weird.

[QuQuasar]

This is a parchment envelope. It is stamped with the seal of The Old Nets, in blue dimple dye wax. On the item are the words "Gwolfski Uristirtir of Imarust" in charcoal lettering.

To Duke Gwolfski Uristirtir, "Daggerdangles" of Imarust, "Breadbowl"
- from the pen of Fath Likotoslan, Outpost Liason
- on behalf of His Highness, King Sibrek Logemtad, Low King of The Old Nets,

His highness, King Sibrek Logemtad of The Old Nets, would like to thank the dwarves of Imarust, "Breadbowl", for their hard and obedient toil this past year.

He is especially grateful to see that they have taken his request from last year to heart and, under the guidance of Overseer SQman, produced 2688 rations of food: 378% of last years production! That's more than ten months worth of high quality food for the entire kingdom. Rest assured I have gone to some lengths to emphasize the impressiveness of this achievement to His Highness.

On the subject of your reduced alcohol output, however... while he recognises that increasing your food production no doubt took labour away from drink production, his highness would like me to impress upon you that a mere 1151 drinks, 32% of last year, is not acceptable as it represents no more than two months of the Old Net's total alcohol requirements. While the other fortresses can obviously supplement this with locally-produced dwarven wine, this is by no means an ideal solution.

The king has asked me to communicate the following:
 
"If that pile of worthless sunbathers don't get off their lazy arses and produce some decent booze, I will personally go out there and see every one of them drowned in their idiotic little moat and then hammered, just like those bloody humans! And you tell 'em I said that!"
 
Please see to it that future caravans deliver a reasonable quantity of drink.
 
Yours,
Fath Likotoslan,
On behalf of His Highness, King Sibrek Logemtad
 
PS: the members of the human caravan were briefly imprisoned awaiting trial for Violation of Production Order. The tall ones said something about "nearly being drowned" before they were locked up.

Sadly, before the trial itself could be held and dwarven justice delivered, some traitor released the humans from their cells. They proceeded to flee the fortress, and have not been seen since.
 
Please give Quasar my regards,
Fath

[Taupe]

What happens when we produce more yearly than the total world population consumes?

[Bearskie]

I see you've added the gorlak quote to the OP. It was inevitable, but perhaps you should have quoted SQman's response as well. Let him share the dubious honour of a front page mention

Spoiler: Total Export Value (click to show/hide)

Also, while SQman didn't provide the Urists count for our total exports, we can get a rough estimate by comparing the export values between his and my save. So:

End of Turn 4 = 524961
End of Turn 3 = 327232

Estimated Exports = 524961-327232 = 197729 Urists

[Vortex]

What happens when we produce more yearly than the total world population consumes?

Start serving meals to megabeasts?  Invite the clowns up from hell for food? 

[Urist McVoyager]

Then the entire world declares the farm the Kings of the entire fucking planet and the Demons come up from Hell to contest this in a cook-off?

[Sanctume]

PTW.  Interesting that prepared meals are > drinks.  Are drinks set to be cooked in this case?

[Galena]

This fort would get interesting if the world economy was implemented.


Also, I've never experimented with offering a ton of stuff to humans and elves; you should try seeing how much it takes before the human law-giver moves to your fort.

[QuQuasar]

Does anyone want to be dwarfed? Our undorfed include a legendary armoursmith and weaponsmith, a pile of legendary and near-legendary militia dwarves (including one with a very nice silver mace), and it seems like the goblins aren't going to have any trouble finding us in the future.

[Sanctume]

Does anyone want to be dwarfed? Our undorfed include a legendary armoursmith and weaponsmith, a pile of legendary and near-legendary militia dwarves (including one with a very nice silver mace), and it seems like the goblins aren't going to have any trouble finding us in the future.

I would like to volunteer to be a mace wielding dwarf, "Sanctume"

[Vortex]

Sure, I'll take one of the dwarves - just call them Vortex.

[faiy eyebrow]

ill take a dwarfing, any dwarf ill do but one set to die a particularly heinous death is preferable "Fairybrow" for a name

[QuQuasar]

Okay, since HiddenLeafGuy hasn't responded yet, I took the liberty of dorfing Sanctume, Vortex and Fairybrow, as well as cleaning up the save a little and initiating some strategies to help improve FPS.

Took care of the stockpile cancellation spam and forbid seeds from all the food stockpiles, which should help fix the seed cancellation spam. The biggest change I made is that I marked a load of animals for butchery, making sure to keep one breeding pair of each alive.

I didn't actually unpause it: it'll still be the first of Granite when the next turn starts.

Uploading the save now.

Spoiler: "Sanctume - Expert Macedwarf & Wielder of Alaknikot, 'The Ace Actions'" (click to show/hide)

Spoiler: "Vortex - Legendary Axedwarf, Captain of the Earthen Assaults" (click to show/hide)

Spoiler: "Fairybrow - Competent Axedwarf" (click to show/hide)

As requested, the militia dwarf most likely to die heinously due to lack of training and proper equipment

Other notes I made while I was in there include...




Turns out the symbol of our civilisation is a pine. Long live King Pinehead! (don't tell him I said that)

And the symbol of the Farm of Hammers is an animal trap, which seems wonderfully fitting.

The pine image is in Psychoangels occupied tomb, by the way, alongside another Pine and an engraving of Lychee tree's. Three images of tree's in a dwarven tomb? Odd, but at least he's already dead so the King won't have us hammer him for being an elven spy.




Apparently Duke Gwolfski liked Atis Inethast's Quasar Covered In Large Roaches so much, he had a duplicate commissioned in gold and installed in his office. Given their mutual grudge, seeing it every day probably cheers him right up.


So, not only does SQMan have a Gorlak chained to his coffin... but it's crying.

No, really.



I was half expecting the engraved images in SQman's tomb to be some sort of freakish panorama of dwarf-on-gorlak bondage porn, but they are actually surprisingly vanilla: the foundation of Breadbowl, the election of Quasar, and the creation of Splatterstroke (the artifact coati leather hood).


But it seems SQman's not the only one with weird fetishes. May, for example, likes her some good old fashioned elf-on-elf murder.



While this kobold-on-human statue was found in Gwolfski's tomb...



There's also an engraving of a similar kobold-on-human scene in Quasar's tomb, which serves as an eternal reminder that the bug people are, in fact, coming.

Too much sunlight does some seriously weird shit to a dwarf's brain.


As creepy as all that is, however, it pales in comparison to SQman's greatest crime as overseer. I almost missed it, for it is subtle, but in the long run it will surely doom the entire fort.

Rurast take us all. We thought we could control them... train them. Our very minds have been infiltrated, and now the wheels are turning. Wheels within wheels.



Wheels within hamster wheels.

The downfall of Breadbowl has begun, ladies and gentlemen.