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[Monitor Lisard]

SLUM FORTRESS

This place is hospitable, isn't it?

No matter how hard they tried, they failed. And they decided to try no more.

Basically, this fortress is intended to be as messy as succession fortresses can be. It is a succession fortress, but the host can play through infinite anount of years if there are no volunteers.

Rules:

PRINCIPLE ONE: All rooms are to be modest at maximum, any tools or furniture - well-made or of worse, exept for situations described down below. The latter one is more-or-less optional, just don't use artifacts/masterwork items.
PRINCIPLE TWO: Jobs cannot be changed exept for some adjustments, like turning off cleaning and such.
PRINCIPLE THREE: Each of the initial seven must have only one novice-level skill.
PRINCIPLE FOUR: All the living quarters, workshops, stockpiles and else must be situated outside. Mining for materials or caverns is acceptable, though. Also, make use of what you have - make the rooms as tiny as possible. You may also build slum towers instead of expanding your town.
PRINCIPLE FIVE: Lava forges and adamantine are banned from use. Same thing for alloys, exept for they can be obtained through trade. Try processing less stone, we aren't building a castle here.
PRINCIPLE SIX: No full-time militia and training. Individual drills are ok, though. Anyway, if the situation demands, you may conscript any dwarf of any military skill, and equip them as you like (with individual weapon of choise, of course). A small amount of traps can also be implemented, and some siege engines (if you come over a siege engineer),
PRINCIPLE SEVEN: All corpses (including friendly) should be dumped into the Pit. Do not engrave slabs. Disregard ghosts. Live dwarves (or captured enemies) may also be dumped into the Pit.
PRINCIPLE EIGHT: Each working family (artisans, namely) should have a tiny dwelling to call their own. It must contain a bed, at very least, and a corresponding workshop. Only the artist can use said workshop.  All other dwarves... Well, same, but without workshops. If you're unable to provide all the dwaves with homes, that's fine, you shouldn't really care. Also, the dwarves can have high-quality items in their homes, but only if they prodused said items themselves. Like, skilled woodworkers can have superior-quality beds and so on.
PRINCIPLE NINE: All animals must be available as pets.
PRINCIPLE TEN: The only acceptable noble is a mayor. Other nobles (bookkeeper, manager, CMO, militia commanders) should not be appointed (militia commander must be demoted as soon as the squad is disbanded). Ignore demands, mandates and such.
PRINCIPLE ELEVEN: All high-quality goods and aritifacts must be stockpiled in a special stockpile rather then used.
PRINCIPLE TWELVE. Do not dump trash or clean up blood. Welcome to the town of filthy bums.

In case those aren't enough, some rules can be added, inluding no beds, no inner doors, no tables, no chairs, no whatsoever. Let's run this shit into the ground.

Map:



Climate:



Turns:

1. Monitor Lisard
2. Fniff
3. Nickolai Don Bonavitch
4. Gwolfski
5. ...

Dwarfing list

Dwarves:

Sewer Gator the Tired One. (Monitor Lisard)

Fath Akrulular the Escaped Mental Patient. (Nickolai Don Bonavitch)

Mr Frog the Washed-Up Musician. (Mr Frog)

Leonora the Blind Architect (QuQuasar)

Fuaki Loarc the Unruly Recruit (Lidku)

[Mr Frog]

Please dorf me as Mr Frog, male; don't care which profession

[Fniff]

You know what? Sign me up as an overseer.
Note: I know only the basics of setting up a fortress. Of course, this is hardly meant to be a paragon of fortresses.

[Nickolai Don Bonavitch]

Requesting a Dorf.

Fath Akrulular, Escaped Mental Patient.

[Mr Frog]

May I have my dwarf's title be "Washed-Up Musician"? Thank you.

[Monitor Lisard]

This is a leather-bound journal. All craftsdwarfship is of the lowest quality. It menaces with spikes of grease and is covered in mud and bleak ink stains. Although the handwriting shows that the author did attend a common school, grammar and spelling are poor nonetheless.

2nd Granite, 125
 
Enough!

A mere couple o' weeks ago, I was sittin' in me humble home, sipping beer and watchin' em naughty engravings of fine maidens, not thinking about shit like workin' for em moneys, but lil' did I know that the mayor was totally bent on management! So, she grabbed me by me sorry buns and enquired if I was gon' do anything or not. I told 'eh to calm 'er tits down and to think over the fact I had no orders at that exact moment, so I could have fun and no shit. Insted of letting me go, she enquired me more, like "why wasn't I buildin' em walls" an' shit. Why should I, even? 'Em gobbos don' pay much attention to them walls, they climb over like, no sweat, so I offered her to bully mechanics instead so they would move their buttocks an' build us a kickass bridge or trap corridor. She mayor gal didn' like me answer, she whacked me on me face and sent for em' bobbies. Put me in a cell, and I was all like, "Fine, whatever", and then the baron himself appeared in front of me, askin' if I was gonna pay me rent. I went like "Heyya, chill out, brother, no cash on me", and he told me he was gonna send me somwhere to "chill out", and I was friggin' glad, I told em' "That's the right talk, mate". He didn't seem very pleased, and them bobbies put me in a tiny wagon with two dwarves already in it. One of them was twitchin' like crazy, and the other one looked like one of em sophisticated lads. I greeted them, and they told me I was goin' somwhere to the southern part of the country! So, I couldn't care less, I was all like "Fuck 'em fortress guards", and the crazy guy nodded multiply, and the smart guy (Mr Fog or somethin' like that) went on rambling about how "this nation of lowly peasants had completely lost it's taste and perseption of obscure music aethtetics", and how "that filthy plebs did not listen to his funky rhymes anymore". Whatever floats his boat, mate. Shortly afterwards, four more dwarves came, and we've embarked on our journey.



So, after two weeks of rollin' in the middle of nowhere, we've arrived. Arrived to the friggin' southern wild tundra!



I mean, look at this shit. Everything's covered in snow, no trees around, a few patches of stone around... Man, fuck this place. And, apparently, I am the leader of this backwater... Something.



The crazy guy went straight for that choppy-choppy axe, so I nearly shat meself, told him he was a lumberjack no more. So, he's our only mechanic now. Mr Frog guy has to stick with being a carpenter, though.



So, um, it was cold as a frost giant's arse ourside, so I sent miner do gather some claystone for us. As I was the only guy present with masonry skills, I was to fancy some claystone blocks, and others became builders.



Told the expedition leader guy to make some farm plots underground. We aren't going to starve here in the nearest future, I hope.



The ground had started to melt, so I told 'em bums to gather their shit and start working.



What a useless waste of food. Expedition guy, you're a fucking useless prick.



Migrants! A farmer, a crossbow soldier, a child. Well, move ye backsides and help us out!



An architect had finished a Depot, and the traders came to check if we were still alive! Well, fuck them, I am stiil broke and shit. Although I'd like to buy some stuff for this shithole... Whatever.




Welcome to Whipgates! I hope ye peeps love sleeping in piles of snow. Anyway, I have no idea how do the wall physics work, and I'm a bit afraid of the early arrival of zombies. Any advice?

(Also, I've played through summer and autmn, and... Well, that's for the next update).

[Mr Frog]

I don't know much about 40x, but I'm pretty sure that climbers can't climb across ceilings, so an overhang over the outer walls might keep them out. Also, they obviously can't get through roofs, although I'm not sure whether that would be within the rules.

[Monitor Lisard]

I don't know much about 40x, but I'm pretty sure that climbers can't climb across ceilings, so an overhang over the outer walls might keep them out. Also, they obviously can't get through roofs, although I'm not sure whether that would be within the rules.

The building on the picture now looks like a pile of blocks with multiple overhanging storeys, so yeah, overhanging walls is it. Also, 'em pesky zombies don't jump on roofs, I found that empirically.

[Monitor Lisard]

So, uhm, had to meet that outpost lizard dude or something. Told 'em I had a shitton of bling to pay wit', yeah. Asked them peeps to bring more booze to da party, and wood for em beds.



He was all like, "ayy kid what are your offerings", and I was like "me friendship, brotha", and then he laughed an' told me we were to make some "solid friendship" for them doughboys. I said whatever, I can probably find a bum who knows thing about sharp objects.



The crazy dude got stuck on that tiny ledge up there somehow... I tell ya, winds blowin' here ain't shit, but this dude refused to climb his way down... Was probably scared of some shit. Come on, I ain't go full day for this!



Mr Frog's making some cots for us... No more sleeping in snow!



More of them smelly flea hotels! We're up to 17 beards now.



AWW SHIT!



Oh mate, I nearly shat meself again! That fockin' bridge, lads. At least, everyone's fine.



...Aww shit, we're soo screwed!



Five zombies, all armed with some shanks. Whoa, that's no good.



WHAT THE FUCK YE'R DOIN', DUDE? DROP THAT FRIGGIN' STONE!



He made it! We're under lockdown now.




So, yeah, we're besieged by a small group of zambies. They're all armed with bronze/iron weapons. What shall we do? We are good on food and drinks (unless them beadlings left any barrels in the wagon), and we literally have no weapons. Two war dogs are probably not enough to deal with this, so we can butcher 'em and make crossbows, or try to make a tiny trap corridor, or drop some floors on them undead dudes, or wait for a caravan to bail us out. Any thoughts?

[Mr Frog]

Well, you have wood (...right?) and can dig down to get stone, and I think it's possible to carve fortifications out of contructed walls, so you might be able to make a catapult for zombie-busting. Dunno how effective stone projectiles are in 40xx, though.

[Monitor Lisard]

Well, you have wood (...right?) and can dig down to get stone, and I think it's possible to carve fortifications out of contructed walls, so you might be able to make a catapult for zombie-busting. Dunno how effective stone projectiles are in 40xx, though.

We might have no wood at the moment (I should check it again, but if I remember correctly, I'd spent everything on beds). And aquifier. I haven't done much prospecting, tho. Also, I have no actual experience with catapults. Anyway, spring's almost there, so I could probably leave it for Fniff (psychotic laughter).

[Fniff]

Huh, I am suddenly filled with dread... Wonder why.

[Mr Frog]

Alternately, would it be possible to just... like... drop the zombies into a giant pit with a drawbridge trap and forget about them? Who says we need to kill them?

[Nickolai Don Bonavitch]

Can i get in the turn list? Its one year in-game, one week RL time, right?

[QuQuasar]

Can I get a dwarf? I'll take Astesh Mistemtekkud the Architect.

Name: 'Leonard' (or 'Leonora' if Astesh is female)
Profession: 'Blind Architect'.