(All information in this article has been reviewed and verified as absolute truth on behalf of His Gaudiness by the Royal Archivist.)
The Spawn of Holistic
These blasphemous parodies of the sacred dwarven form make their foul, squalorous hives deep in the blackest nooks and crannies of forsaken mountains, in a ghastly mockery of our own majestic halls; there they lurk, their very twisted existence a travesty against Armok's holy designs. Their ways are base and animalistic, indeed making such primitive life-forms such as the elves appear civilised by comparison; though they are capable of basic feats of mining and construction, tool use and sophisticated edifices are entirely beyond these mindless monsters, who live in a state of mad, bloodthirsty chaos given only the slightest semblance of direction by a local hive king or queen which appears to have a great deal of influence over the other fiends' movements, although this only stretches as far as which innocent settlement will be consumed by their tide of darkness next, as any greater degree of coordination is entirely beyond their intellectual capacity. Much like a beast, a Spawn of Holistic exists only to kill, eat, and multiply, with all other functions being secondary at best.
The Spawn of Holistic resemble us greatly in proportion and internal arrangements; there are thus persistent rumours that these fiends are somehow derived from dwarves, but the Royal Archivist would like to caution our citizens against spreading such unsubstantiable gossip.
Holistic Spawn differ anatomically from dwarves primarily in three ways. The first and most-critical is a grotesque, snapping maw which takes the form of a long gash lined with razor-sharp teeth running vertically from the Spawn's lower jaw to their sternum; this maw is capable of biting with enough force to pulverise iron gauntlets and is known to harbor numerous transmissible diseases. The Spawn use this maw to feed instead of what remains of their true mouths. The second anatomical difference is also quite obvious; in place of our dextrous arms and hands, the Spawn possess long, misshapen claws of bare bone and sinew, quite useless for fine craftwork but deadly-efficient at rending the flesh and bone of the living. The third difference is internal; despite possessing most of the internal organs of a dwarf, these organs largely do not in fact serve the Spawn in any useful capacity -- they need not draw breath, can continue living without a brain or even their entire heads, and blood does not course through their withered veins. Most notably, in place of a flesh-and-blood heart, a chunk of pure obsidian set with strange, angular patterns is embedded into the flesh of their chests; this chunk appears to be the seat of the Spawn's unholy essence, as should it be damaged in any capacity, the Spawn will immediately cease movement. This can be considered a weakness. Besides these practical differences, the skin of a Holistic Spawn is ashen and leathery -- more befitting a corpse than a living being -- and their eyes empty and unseeing. Their flesh also appears to be quite resistant to heat; there are confirmed reports of Holistic Spawn being immersed in magma for several minutes only to emerge unscathed, albeit ruinously-hot to the touch. As such, fortress overseers are advised that defensive contrivances relying on magma are of little practical use against the Spawn, though the beasts do retain their instinctive fear of heat and will refuse to enter magma if at all possible.
Psychologically, quite unlike ourselves, the Spawn are mindless monsters with little capacity for higher reasoning, let alone language or art. There are tall tales of some Spawn successfully integrating into dwarven society as productive citizens, but these are sadly pure fiction; attempts at rehabilitating these monsters into civilisation as anything other than trained labor animals have been woefully-unsuccessful and should not be attempted. Despite this mental deficiency, the Spawn do possess a certain animal cunning and are capable of foiling most floor traps and locked doors, although mechanised floor spikes are still capable of taking them by surprise.
Despite their unearthly form and functioning, the Royal Archivist would like to state that the Spawn of Holistic are most definitely living beings and that any rumours that they are 'cursed' or otherwise undead dwarves are unsubstantiated by science.
It is unknown exactly from whence the Spawn came; what is known is that, approximately 220 years ago, the barbaric dwarves of the southern continent suddenly lost contact with almost all of their inner settlements, and that the Spawn were discovered in earnest shortly afterwards when they devoured their capital city in a single night, at least according to thirdhand accounts from refugees which were preserved over the ages. It was these barbarians which gave the monsters their name, as their appearance was reminiscent of a central figure from one of their heathen folk-stories, although the first Royal Archivist long ago confirmed that their fabled "Holistic_Detective" is entirely the stuff of wild fantasy. It should not have to be explained why the very idea of a dwarven heroine routing waves of invaders with naught but a backpack full of snacks is patently-ridiculous.
Though the primitive southern civilisation was lost -- owing to their pitiful military prowess, a far cry from our glorious royal legion -- our ancestors successfully held the inner mountain range against their hordes, and for the last 200 years, we have enjoyed a hard-earned peace from their attacks, their hive kings and queens long since cowed into acquiescence by our military might; indeed, the entire northern continent owes us a massive debt for continuing to deter their hordes from expanding further. Though we are still of course subject to occasional raids by rogue swarms, the Royal Archivist would like to state definitively that any reports of frequent large-scale Spawn attacks against our outposts are entirely-fabricated and that any who spread such disturbing lies are to be reported to the nearest lawmaker for immediate and severe disciplinary action.
Despite their well-founded fear of open conflict with us, Holistic Spawn are still extremely dangerous, owing to their resilient anatomy and vicious teeth and claws, and any Spawn sighted near a settlement are to be destroyed with all possible haste before they can harm dwarven citizens. Any civilians who witness any number of Spawn anywhere near dwarven habitation are urged to report the sighting to the nearest lawmaker or military personnel; similarly, any soldiers or lawdwarves who spot even a solitary Spawn while on patrol are strongly advised to not attempt to engage the Spawn in single combat and to report the sighting to the local captain of the guard or militia commander so that coordinated defensive measures may be enacted.
Additionally, any dwarves -- civilian or military -- whose blood is drawn by a Spawn's bite are commanded to immediately report the injury to the local chief medical officer and to stand by for temporary quarantining and observation, as their filthy maws are known to harbour numerous contagious pathogens and ill humours. However, any reports of the Spawn of Holistic's bites transforming dwarves into one of them are entirely the stuff of myth and folktales and those attempting to present such fanciful tales as the truth are to be dealt with as the liars and fearmongerers that they are.
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Topic: (34.11 Succession) Clobbermountains -- The End(?) (Read 401256 times)