Reading the new Ultimate Intrigue book for Pathfinder. There are rules for Verbal Duels.
You can literally Rap Battle someone.
Thats awesome!
Had another session today. It was a short one since the DM had stuff to do. We ended up finishing up some business in the first town and during a night of rest, two people (neither one of them me or my familiar who's supposed to be keeping watch) and they wake me up to find the source of the noise. Since I fumbled my perception roll, I played the whole thing off as they were crazy and went around saying "look, its nothing". I sent my raven to go find the source of the noise who found a guy dragging his leg and moving towards the inn we were staying at. I went outside after describing him, and by now, the bard is terrified and the cleric is putting on his armor, so I keep telling them its nothing, only to walk outside and see the figure and, after another perception check, its the dead guy who the bard had to look for in case he died. This lead to the bard telling me, and me checking if its hostile by putting an illusion of the bard screaming next to the now undead guy, and he swung at my illusion. The bard tried over and over to persuade him to stop, slowly freaking out more and more, and then he draws this magical sword that, despite taking the time to study it and a couple of arcana checks, gave me minimal information. The zombie starts to look at the sword and looks drawn to it, slowly shambling towards him, causing him to panic more and the cleric tries to get outside not even fully armored.
Carver doesn't freak out. Carver needs to keep his resolve if he is to be anything like his teacher. So he casts Chromatic orb and burns a hole straight through the guy as he crits him with it dealing radiant damage and defeating the zombie. The bard freaks out, knowing his new lady friend (the one who was looking for this guy who we now killed a second time) is not going to be happy with this. The cleric suggests we burn the body, but I'm out of spells, no one has spark and no one has a tinderbox. So we had to go inside and say we found a zombie and to prevent it from returning, we need a soruce of fire. So he hands the guy a torch and a tinderbox and, without hesitation or worry, just says "do what you gotta do". So we burn the body in the street, no one bats an eye, and we rest up for the rest of the night.
We prepare ourselves to leave, and the woman comes in with a big smile on her face, saying she saw her friend the night before and Dragg the bard has a hard time trying to tell her the news. Wilneas the cleric tries too and fails, and so they try to play it off that he's alive. Carver, not happy with the happy lies, walks up to the lady, sits at her table, puts his hands together like a negotiator and says "Listen, my lady. I'm going to be fully honest with you. We found your friend dead. We buried him right outside the cave we found him. He showed up last night outside the tavern as a zombie." To which the cleric interrupts and says we killed him and burned him... Quite enthusiastically I might add. She denies it, and Carver just gets up, says good day to her and walks off as Dragg and Wilneas try to comfort her and she storms off crying.
So we head out after that and down the road on the first day, we see smoke from a campfire and hear someone grunting while posing. The cleric, for once, succeeds in sneaking and when the bard hears them, he proceeds to shout out loud "DAMN IT, ITS THEM!" and they all get up after I show up, facepalming and see the guys from before and point to the cleric who say HE'S Wally now. Carver facepalms again and tells them they got the wrong guy again. The group isn't prepared for us this time and isn't carrying any armor as they were just resting for the day. I try to convince him before casting spells and the guy, again, ignores our pleas. I try to cast a spell stealthily since I'm behind some bushes and the man shouts out loud "AHA! YOUR MAGIC WILL NOT WORK ON ME THIS TIME!" and I cast sleep on him, which causes him to immediately pass out after that. I rolled a 6 total on an intimidate check as Carver shouts "I HAVE DEFEATED YOUR LEADER! SURRENDER!" and they immediately do in their confusion. Dragg then offers them money to get them to leave us alone, and they demand 500 gold. Dragg rolls 22 on intimidate and says "make it 5 gold" and they freak out and take the money and run, dragging their leader with them. Another successful dodge of this group.
So we camp, continue and on the second night, the bird-watch (as I call him as a joke since Carver hates his familiar and due to story reasons, his raven keeps coming back no matter how many times he summons and dismisses it) awakens everyone and we have more zombies chasing us. I cast an illusion and tell the cleric and the bard to let the zombies get close to it and swing at it, as it shows a screaming version of the bard (and since I'm an illusion wizard, I can use it with sound, which means it DOES scream). What happens? The bard and the cleric move up, and they get attacked by the zombies. Since I couldn't do what I wanted on my first turn (i used the illusion earlier to scare them away/lure them out, my turn was a readied burning hands) because my teammates got swarmed by undead, I had to use magic missile to soften the enemy up. The goblin lackey uses his bow and takes one out, but the bard goes down and the cleric drops to 7/14. I cast chromatic orb and decimate the zombie with an almost max damage radiant attack, which killed him and he gave a face of relief. Cleric drops down to 2hp trying to spare the dying on the bard, and I crush the last zombie too with another orb.
We ended there because next session is going to be a lot of scattered crap, mostly buying stuff, side jobs, and a few other things before we finally go to where Carver has been trying to get to since he made landfall: Brumwax Manor.
Overall, good session. Little more serious but still some humor thrown in. I felt like a dick, but I felt good that I'm playing my character like he's supposed to be (plus, I'm not OVERLY mean to people).