Yesterday, we played deendee again.
We started off with me in the woods being chased by dire squirrels (don't ask). Meanwhile , the party assassinated the local blacksmith (the rogue being reduced to 0hp three times in the process) and looted his shop. The rogue critically failed his search roll and tripped into a pile of blades, and was reduced to 0hp a fourth time.
Meanwhile, having killed the dire squirrels, I arrived back in town, just as they finished hiding the evidence by dumping the blacksmith's body in the forge. At this point, the rogue rolls a 1 again and goes back down to 0hp. I Lay On Hands him back to mostly-healed-ville, and we head out (Paladin none the wiser that they murdered a guy.)
The next town over, following a treasure map, the party makes a beeline for the general store. A bunch of party members get thrown out, and then a gigantic brawl breaks out between the shopkeeper and his bodyguard, and the rest of the party (I think he was trying to cheat us on prices?). The guard went down to sneak attack and being hit in the face, and I leaped the table screaming "REPENT MOTHERFUCKER" and smote the shopkeeper with a mace. He survived, actually, or at least until the dragonborn rogue got bored and just breathed acid over the both of us, melting the shopkeeper and making my magic armor unpleasantly scarred.
The 7 intelligence barbarian then bluffed the town guard that the burning-down shop had been attacked by mystery assailants who weren't us, and we sent them chasing back to the town we came from.
After this, the barbarian picked up a girlfriend at the bar and we went looking for the treasure. We found it buried underneath the tree, and found that the treaure chest contained a safe. We dealt with this by smashing it open and hoping.
Inside was a bunch of money and a necklace. The barbarian gave the necklace to his girlfriend, at which point she started acting by gollum. He tried to use his 16 strength to remove it, but apparently it was unbreakable or something and that ended messily.
We went back to town bar and considered our options while the barbarian and the cleric went to pick up more girls.
While they were doing that I kicked down the door and shouted "COME WITH ME IF YOU WANT TO LIVE" in order to attract a squire (having hit 3rd level and become an actual paladin)
I rolled 20 on the charisma check and a guy with a sword leaped up and pledged alleigance to me on the spot.
then the fucking rogue stuck his head in the bar and breathed acid on all the other patrons.
We ended it there.