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[BodyGripper]

Except maybe kobolds.

[SurfinShroom]

Shhh :L
I have my hunting dog sentries for those.

Yay... second artifact made of iron and studded with iron.. woohoo...

[Saetar33]

'Bolds are annoying.  They are like....the bane of one of my fort's existences.  >.<

[Jacob/Lee]

A crocodile just gave birth and it's hatchlings fell down a 10 z-level waterfall and died immediately.

[Savolainen5]

More spammy dwarfiness from Craftedplain.  Rogue troglodytes killed a couple of workers who wandered into the second layer cavern, and then 7 more who came to collect the bodies, including my head clothsmith and three steelsmiths.  Just then, a wave of migrants spawned on the map RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE of a herd of elephants.  Three died, as well as two military dwarves I'd scrambled.  The current dwarf count stands at 75, with an additional 40 in coffins.  I expect there to be more dead than living in Craftedplain within the year.

Of those 75, 20 are in the military, and none are yet better trained than meatshields.  I NEED THAT MAGMA!

[Urist Imiknorris]

On the First Day of Dwarfmas, Dwarf Fortress gave to me
A site with a river and trees.

On the Second Day of Dwarfmas, my fortress gave to me
Two magma pools
And a great and vast magma sea.

On the Third Day of Dwarfmas, my fortress gave to me
Three masons
Two carpenters
And a weaponsmith whose name escapes me.

On the Fourth Day of Dwarfmas, my fortress gave to me
Four steel axes
Three mail shirts
Two pairs of greaves
And the makings of a military.

On the Fifth Day of Dwarfmas, my embark gave to me
ADAMANTINE
Four shining gems
Three gold veins
Two silver ores
And a diamond clear as can be.

On the Sixth Day of Dwarfmas, my fortress gave to me
Six soldiers armed with
ADAMANTINE
Four ambushes
Three snatchers
Two titans
And a breeding pair of megabeasts.

On the Seventh Day of Dwarfmas, the elves all brought to me
Seven giant eagles
Six giant tigers
FIVE GRIZZLY BEARS
Four unicorns
Three lions
Two tigermen
And a bunch of useless crap I don't need.

On the Eighth Day of Dwarfmas, migration gave to me
Eight useless haulers
Seven various farmers
Six future masons
FIVE ARMORERS
Four mechanics
Three miners
Two glassmakers
And a dwarf who was named after me.

On the Ninth Day of Dwarfmas, my fortress gave to me
Nine children chatting
Eight masons building
Seven miners digging
Six smiths a-smithing
MORE ADAMANTINE
Four forgeworkers
Three haulers
Two woodcutters
And a five-squad goblin siege.

On the Tenth Day of Dwarfmas, my idiots gave to me
Ten mason's workshops
Nine magma smelters
Eight glass furnaces
Seven craftsdwarfs' workshops
Six magma forges
FIVE ARTIFACTS
Four Forgotten Beasts
Three dragons
Two plains titans
And some soldiers in adamantine.

On the Eleventh Day of Dwarfmas, my site did give to me
Eleven gold deposits
Ten yellow diamonds
Nine hematite veins
Eight hundred opals
Seven thousand flux stones
Sixty strands of precious
ADAMANTINE
Four idiots
Three morons
Two nincompoops
And the sound of otherworldly screams.

On the Last Day of Dwarfmas, I load my game to see:
Twelve throwing tantrums
Eleven miserable
Ten guardsmen beating
Nine dwarves berserking
Eight suicidal
Seven stark raving mad
Six dead because of
HIDDEN FUN STUFF
Four demons for
Each dwarf left
In the fortress
And a cat swimming in the magma sea.

[Saetar33]

On the First Day of Dwarfmas, Dwarf Fortress gave to me
A site with a river and trees.

On the Second Day of Dwarfmas, my fortress gave to me
Two magma pools
And a great and vast magma sea.

On the Third Day of Dwarfmas, my fortress gave to me
Three masons
Two carpenters
And a weaponsmith whose name escapes me.

On the Fourth Day of Dwarfmas, my fortress gave to me
Four steel axes
Three mail shirts
Two pairs of greaves
And the makings of a military.

On the Fifth Day of Dwarfmas, my embark gave to me
ADAMANTINE
Four shining gems
Three gold veins
Two silver ores
And a diamond clear as can be.

On the Sixth Day of Dwarfmas, my fortress gave to me
Six soldiers armed with
ADAMANTINE
Four ambushes
Three snatchers
Two titans
And a breeding pair of megabeasts.

On the Seventh Day of Dwarfmas, the elves all brought to me
Seven giant eagles
Six giant tigers
FIVE GRIZZLY BEARS
Four unicorns
Three lions
Two tigermen
And a bunch of useless crap I don't need.

On the Eighth Day of Dwarfmas, migration gave to me
Eight useless haulers
Seven various farmers
Six future masons
FIVE ARMORERS
Four mechanics
Three miners
Two glassmakers
And a dwarf who was named after me.

On the Ninth Day of Dwarfmas, my fortress gave to me
Nine children chatting
Eight masons building
Seven miners digging
Six smiths a-smithing
MORE ADAMANTINE
Four forgeworkers
Three haulers
Two woodcutters
And a five-squad goblin siege.

On the Tenth Day of Dwarfmas, my idiots gave to me
Ten mason's workshops
Nine magma smelters
Eight glass furnaces
Seven craftsdwarfs' workshops
Six magma forges
FIVE ARTIFACTS
Four Forgotten Beasts
Three dragons
Two plains titans
And some soldiers in adamantine.

On the Eleventh Day of Dwarfmas, my site did give to me
Eleven gold deposits
Ten yellow diamonds
Nine hematite veins
Eight hundred opals
Seven thousand flux stones
Sixty strands of precious
ADAMANTINE
Four idiots
Three morons
Two nincompoops
And the sound of otherworldly screams.

On the Last Day of Dwarfmas, I load my game to see:
Twelve throwing tantrums
Eleven miserable
Ten guardsmen beating
Nine dwarves berserking
Eight suicidal
Seven stark raving mad
Six dead because of
HIDDEN FUN STUFF
Four demons for
Each dwarf left
In the fortress
And a cat swimming in the magma sea.

F**K YEAH.
That's what I'm talkin about.

[Jacob/Lee]

BRAVO.

[Urist Imiknorris]

*bows*

[Hydrall]

THAT WAS AMAZING.

Someone show this to the Toady One!

[JacenHanLovesLegos]

The last line was the best.

[iyaerP]

Very nice.



I just had the lovely experiance of dwarven failure at its finest.

A goblin snatcher somehow managed to get past no fewer than two rows of cage traps, 4 guard war bears, and a constant stream of dorfs going in and out of my front gate to steal the baby of my queen.

But rather than steal the baby outright, he decided that the best way to steal it was first to shank it in the heart causing massive hemorrhaging, and THEN make off with it. My military (who have been known to run almost twice as fast as horses) managed to run down the goblin and dispence justice via torture, but not before the queen's baby had bled to death.

"Oh well" sez I. while alternating between laughter at the failure on the part of the goblin and rage at the failure on the part of my fortress defences.

And I go back to working on whatever I was doing. And then like 3 minutes later after the queen has got back to the fort (she had fled OUT of the fort almost to map edge away from goblin kidnapper), I get an infinite announcement spam: Queen cancels smelt crap: Seeking Infant.  Queen cancels seek infant: something about inaccessability. The game slows to a halt of 0 fps until I figure out what it causing it and remove the queen from her burrow.

Turns out the goblin dragged the dead baby body out of the queen's assigned burrow and so she flipped her shit. Soon as I released her from burrow, she races out of the fortress, still seeking infant, goes to the goblin corpse and then just returns to her normal affairs. Didn't pick up the baby corpse. looking at her, her inventory, the goblin's body, the goblin's bag, none of it revealed the dead baby.

Then fortress went back to normal. Was really wierd.

[Samuel]

That's a little bit too long to sig, Imiknorris.

Anyway, so my platform over the volcano designed to kill the elven traders in the most dwarfy way possible has been destroyed. The development of a way to safely stun and cage merchants superceded the desire to kill them. Unfortunately, nobody was keeping an eye on the militia commander's kid, and he got a magma bath. I'm hoping the militia commander doesn't flip out because with my current population, nobody's expendable.

[monk12]

"and a cat swimming in the magma sea!"

I lol'd.

[CapnUrist]

So my fortress Gemspike is in it's fourth year, 160 dwarves under a new baron, pump stack just got finished so now the reservoir is full and real projects can begin. Suddenly, a vile force of darkness appears! The dwarves aren't impressed, this is the third siege the goblins have attempted. But what's this blinking pink-n-purple goblin now?

Båx Atuomngo, Master.

Well, damn, this should be interesting. Prepare the defenses, man the ballistae, get the marksdwarves in the roost and check the dogbombs! Let's get a count of the goblins... wait, the master doesn't show up here now... Where did he go? Check where he spawned...

And there lay his corpse. Checking the combat log reveals this:

The master attacks The Goblin Maceman but He jumps away!
The Goblin misses The Goblin Maceman!
The Goblin Maceman bashes The Goblin in the left lower arm with his ({copper morningstar}), fracturing the bone and shattering the left elbow's bone through the ({giant cave spider silk cloak})!
Melbil •nuliden, Milker cancels Store Item in Stockpile: Item inaccessible.
The Goblin Maceman bashes The Goblin in the left hand with his ({copper morningstar}), fracturing the bone through the ({cave spider silk left glove})!
A ligament has been torn and a tendon has been torn!
The Goblin gives in to pain.
The Goblin Maceman bashes The Goblin in the head with his ({copper morningstar}), tearing the muscle and tearing the upper spine's nervous tissue through the ({cave spider silk hood})!
A tendon in the upper spine has been torn!
The Goblin Maceman bashes The Goblin in the head with her ({copper flail}), bruising the muscle, jamming the skull through the brain and tearing the brain!

It would appear that the master, upon entering the fortress region, turn to one of his followers and, without even carrying a weapon, went to attack him, to which the offended maceman beat him around for a while before another goblin brained the former Master in one shot.

That's all fine by me, but there are still 77 goblins, 9 trolls and 16 elk birds heading for my little 4.6-million dwarfbuck hole in the ground. Let's hope this goes my way.

EDIT: Counted too early, didn't see them all yet.