The Cave Swallow and the Farmer, a play in one act
wherein: a beast learns not to interrupt important work, a military learns nothing, a man smacks his face with his palm
Curtain opens on a small farm plot near a well in the caverns, Summer of the first year of Atastgusil. A cave swallow flies up the well.
Cave Swallow: CHEEP! CHEEP! CHEEP!
Urist McFarmerninja: 'e's after me plump helmets! Bastard!
Urist produces a crossbow he has no reason to be carrying
*twang twang twang twang twang*
Urist empties his quiver into the beast, severely wounding it to the point of unconsciousness
Cave Swallow: CHEEP! OW! CHEEP! OW! CHEEP! FUCK!
Urist: Ah, me mushies be safe now!
returns to farming
Me: Oh, crap, combat spam. Better go check on the farmer. Er, well, he's fine. Where's that bird?
pulls up the unit list
Me: Er, wow, that thing's in bad shape.
checks combat log
Me: Holy crap, Urist! Well, I suppose the military will finish it off.
Drafts his highly skilled hammerdwarf and two woodcutters, orders them to kill the beast
Asob McMilitaryCommander: That's the alarm boys! On my mark! DROP YER WEAPONS!
all military dwarves comply
Asob: Excellent! OFF TO WRESTLE!
All military dwarves die
Cave Swallow: I'm out of here!
Flies back into the caverns
facepalm
Urist McFarmerninja, singing to himself: Oh, mushies, I likes me mushies, nobody better come after me mushies, la la la.