I like mine better becasue it seems more flexible, it makes clear that we can negotiate exact terms and sounds a bit.....comforting.......
Also it implies that if they say no we will let the make that choice, this makes them more open minded and more likely to join us with as little resistance as posible.
I tryed to focus on the safety that comes with joining us, and did not give as much mention to what we wanted, leaving the fact that we want something in return as almost an after thought. So they focus more on the positives.
If we want we can add in a line like
"the crops you Grow will sustain both yourselves and other dynasty planets less equipped for farming. This insures that we will remain stable, and thus be able to provide you with your needs already mentioned."
Let's put my message up and we alter it until we have a satisfactory message
don't mention the H.E.L.L. bombardments
-hold on a sec, need to pull some stuff from the logs-"Greeting citizens, we are the dynasty, the ancient civilization. We have returned to this land after all this time, and you will find that we have eliminated the FWA ships for you. You are confused, this is understandable. Due to unforeseen circumstances we had to abandon some areas of space. we have returned now and would like to lead you into a new age of prosperity. The dynasty claimed this land so long ago, we treat or citizens well, and we do consider you something of a subject. We would like you to return to the dynasty's control.
You will receive technology, food, shelter, safety. We will provide. However we also need something.
In return we ask for loyalty and crops."the crops you Grow will sustain both yourselves and other dynasty planets less equipped for farming. This insures that we will remain stable, and thus be able to provide you with your needs.
If you have any misgivings please contact us, we will make time to disscuss the terms before we ask your Decision."
-begin discussing my friends-