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[Greiger]

Blast! After posting I realized I forgot the "Where the Wild things Are" clause.  But figured it would be cheating to edit it...

After all that AD&D Wish spell training.  I still failed.

[Diablous]

Granted. Your pet dragon catches it's own food: you. It also dies immediately after eating you.

I wish I had a genie.

Granted, but it is a genie who does not have to obey you, or need someone to make a wish to use his powers. He seals you in his lamp, and makes it so you can never get out.

I wish my science teacher didn't assign so many projects.

[dragnar]

Granted. Instead he assigns genies. Like the one I just got.

I wish that I had not wished for a genie.

[Huesoo]

Granted you wished for a T-rex, that eats you later.

Granted I wish that this thread wont be locked like the Youre Banned thread.

[Diablous]

Granted. Toady and ThreeToe die of heart attacks, and DF is abandoned.

I wish Toady had more donations.

[Lord Dakoth]

Granted. The reason for these donations is that he drank too much alcohol and couldn't afford a new liver. Scamps escapes from the apartment when Toady is in rehab, eats his fill, grows to a full-sized megabeast, and trashes every metropolis in the midwest.

I wish that my lab work was done.

[SiN.Daeus]

I wish that my lab work was done.

You accidentally stumble upon an epic discovery that would change every facet of life as we know it. You would become literally world famous overnight, saving the lives of millions. Wars would never be fought again, diseases would never plague people and even cancer and AIDS disapeared. You would be remembered in the annals of history for all time - Lord Dakoth would become the new household name. Children would be named after you. Monuments constructed in your honour.
But you accidentally flush the data down the toilet.

I wish that I would stop procrastinating.

[blah28722]

Granted. No one will expect anything from you. You die a cold and unfulfilled life.

I wish to transfer my throat infection to another person.

[Tradanbattlan]

Granted. But they also transfer THEIRS to you.

I wish that Cave Story's Hell level wasnt so damn hard

[BKWM]

Granted. The change makes the game boring and just not worth playing.

I wish I had an artifact adamantium broadsword irl.

[Phantom]

Granted, but for some reason, a wimpy looking man throws a pebble at you the moment you pick up the sword. The pebble pierces your skull. You die.

I wish CnC 4 never existed.

[Nirur Torir]

Granted, Tiberian Sun was the last in the main C&C series. Red alert 5 was nearly the same as C&C 4, but it doesn't have Kane. EA is now up to Red Alert 6. It takes place in World War 4. There is a unit cap of ten, but you have to constantly hunt to maintain it, and it's nearly impossible to hunt without losing men. Good luck defeating your enemies in this post-historic stone age.

Actually, that sounds sorta fun.

I wish there was a rougelike/strategy RPG game taking place in a hunter/gatherer era.

[IronyOwl]

Granted, the hot new strategy RPG is out now, based on the movie! Not surprisingly, it's about as deep and fulfilling as watching TV. Reality TV.

...I wish I had a pony.

[Cheddarius]

Granted. It goes berserk and kills your entire family. "Well," you think to yourself, "things aren't so bad. At least I've got this great waterfall in my dining room."
Then it destroys one of the pumps.
IronyOwl cancels Work: Melancholy

I wish watching Reality TV was deep and fulfilling.

[Phantom]

Granted. It also burns your eyes though.

I wish for games that don't let you survive by taking a hail of bullet wounds, taking cover, and magically healing.