This is the second-best RTD I've ever read.
SECOND ONLY TO GM'S LONG-LOST MAGNUM OPUS, YES?
Dropkick the GM until he updates!
YOU SHOULD REALLY KNOW BETTER.
YOU LUCKY YOU A FAMILY MAN, OR I WOULD DROPKICK YOU OFF BUS (ALSO YOUR DEMON WIFE PROBABLY TRY TO EAT MY SOUL IDK)
Put my tragically revealed superpower to good use! MORE DRUM SOLOS TO BUST THE GUTS OF ALL THAT WOULD STAND BEFORE US!
[1] OH GODS, YOU THINK YOU PULLED A MUSCLE FROM DRUMMING... WAIT, NO, YOU'RE JUST SO AWESOME YOU BUSTED YOUR
OWN GUT
OUCH
Injury Gained: Busted Gut!
Item Lost: Stomach Contents! Have my baby spider minions work the gears for me, then continue driving.
YOU SHOUT AT BABY SPIDERS TO MAKE THEMSELVES USEFUL AND WORK THE
GEARS. [5]
SURPRISINGLY ENOUGH, THAT WORKS. THEY SCURRY INTO SHATTERED GEARBOX AND, SHORTLY, BUS IS CLUNKING ITS WAY THROUGH GEARS RIGHT WHEN YOU NEED IT TO. ...MAYBE THEY THINK YOU THEIR MOTHER OR SOMETHING, LIKE SOME CHEESY 90S CARTOON INVOLVING DINOSAURS OR W/E?
COULD ALMOST SAY YOU'RE PLAYING WITH SPIDERS... MAKE GOOD PROGRESS. YOU SEE CUTE RUSTIC WOODEN SIGN SAYING "WELCOME TO NORMVILLE" ON SIDE OF ROAD. FINALLY.
THEN SOME DUDE BURSTS OUT FROM THE ENGINE ALL OF A SUDDEN AND BEGINS PLAYING SOME SICK RIFFS ON A GUITAR. THAT'S PRETTY COOL, AND YOU CAN'T HELP BUT SPEED UP IN RESPONSE. IT WOULD PROBABLY BE SAFER IF YOU COULD SEE THE ROAD, THOUGH...
Ability Gained: Spider Whisperer!
Followers Gained: Assload of Tiny Baby Spiders! (YES, HOWEVER MANY YOU CAN FIT IN YOUR ASS, GM NOT BOTHERING TO COUNT THEM.)
Temporary Buff Gained: Additional Acceleration! stitch that shit up. Become grizly doctor of Doom. Hire that hot fucking demon chick as lead singer.
PUT ON THE BLACK ALBUM FOR GOD'S SAKE!
GM HAS NEVER ACTUALLY LISTENED TO BLACK ALBUM. GM WILL FORM OWN OPINION INSTEAD OF PARROTING THOSE OF OTHERS.
HERE, GM GIVES YOU CD AND YOU PUT IT ON, CASTING ASIDE LESSER NON-THRASH CD THAT WAS IN THERE.
[1] YOU TEAR OUT YOUR STOMACH, ALONG WITH MOST OF YOUR UPPER INTESTINE, AND HURL IT OUT THE WINDOW.
THAT'S WHAT IT GETS FOR SHOWING SUCH
WEAKNESS.
[2] YOU DON'T THINK YOU VERY GOOD AT DOCTORING. AND THERE'S NO DOOM PLAYING RIGHT NOW. MOSTLY YOU JUST FEELING FAINT
[6] AT LEAST HOT DEMON BABE SEEMS IMPRESSED BY YOUR ACTIONS. IN FACT, SHE EVEN GIVES YOU A SEXY SMILE FROM ACROSS THE BUS. UNFORTUNATELY THAT SHIFTING OF BLOODFLOW IS TOO MUCH FOR YOUR HORRIBLY-INJURED FORM, AND YOU COLLAPSE
Injury 'Healed': Busted Gut!
Injury Gained: Torn-Out Stomach/Intestines (flapping in wind outside window)!
Item Gained: Demon Boner!
Item Lost: Consciousness! CONTINUE VOCAL MOTIVATION TO GTFO OUT OF FOREST. BEGIN WRITING LYRICS FOR 'THE TALE OF LSP'.
[6] YOU FEEL LIKE YOU GETTING BETTER AT THIS 'VOCALS' STUFF, BUT YOU ALSO FEELING PRETTY HOARSE
SCREAMING IS HARD WORK
Item Lost: Voice! GET MY SHIT TOGETHER! DO A BUNCH OF AWESOME TRICKS ON MY FLYING GUITAR WHILE PLAYING EPIC THRASH METAL WITH MY FEET. Then land on the roof of the bus and don't hit the town.
[3+1(ELECTRIC GUITAR WARRIOR BONUS)] FORTUNATELY FOR ALL INVOLVED, YOU MANAGED TO REGAIN CONSCIOUSNESS AND CONTROL OF FLYING GUITAR. YOU SPIRAL DOWNWARDS, SPOT BUS SPEEDING ALONG BELOW YOU.
AT THIS MOMENT YOU REALISE THERE IS SOME SORT OF FIREBALL HURTLING TOWARDS YOU FROM DIRECTION OF TOWN
OH SHIT
FORTUNATELY, YOU ARE NO ORDINARY GUITARIST, BUT AN
ELECTRIC GUITAR WARRIOR! NO SHITTY RURAL TOWN'S ANTI-AIR DEFENCE SYSTEM IS GONNA TAKE YOU DOWN THAT EASILY! YOU BUST OUT A SERIES OF ACROBATIC, CROWD-PLEASING LOOP-DE-LOOPS, BARREL ROLLS AND FLIPS, AND... WIND UP CRASHING YOUR GUITAR INTO THE ROOF OF THE BUS. WHOOPS.
AT LEAST YOU DODGED THE FIREBALL.
PHEW.
Item Acquired: Consciousness!
State Left: Flying Towards Normville on Giant Guitar!
Item (re)Acquired: Normal-Sized Guitar (Lodged in roof of bus)! WE INTERRUPT THIS PROGRAM FOR NO GOOD REASON REALLY, SHUT UP.PUT ON THE BLACK ALBUM FOR GOD'S SAKE!
MAN, THIS SHIT IS LAME.
GM CANNOT WRITE TO THIS! SO SLOW AND BORING IS PUTTING GM TO SLEEP.
IF WE'RE GOING TO LISTEN TO OLD THRASH LET'S LISTEN TO SOME
GOOD OLD THRASH! THAT'S MORE LIKE IT.
ANYWAY, WHERE WAS I? "I'm working on it, dammit! darling! Hey, how 'bout the kids play with me, eh?"
Introduce demonic children slave love labor so that they do some chorus singing. Also try to not get murdered by sexy demon wife. Just to keep the spirits, piss on the driver.
Hire that hot fucking demon chick as lead singer.
nonoonooonononononNOONONONOONNOONONOOOOOOOOOOOOOHELL'SNAW
[6] YOUR WIFE NOT LOOK OVERLY ENTHUSED BY THIS IDEA, IN FACT SHE ROLLS HER EYES, BUT YOUR KIDS IMMEDIATELY BEGIN HOPPING UP AND DOWN WITH AN EXCITED CHORUS OF
"MUMMY MUMMY! PLEASE? PLEASE CAN WE BE IN DADDY'S BAND?! PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAASE?!" SHE RUBS HER TEMPLES AND YELLS AT THEM TO BE QUIET BEFORE SIGHING AT SAYING TO YOU,
"ALRIGHT, FINE. THEY CAN SPEND TIME WITH YOU AND YOUR SHITTY BAND. BUT YOU DAMN WELL BETTER TAKE CARE OF THEM! MAKE SURE THEY EAT WELL AND GO TO BED BEFORE 11!" SHE GLARES AROUND THE BUS, STARING DOWN OTHER BAND MEMBERS.
"THAT GOES FOR ALL OF YOU. IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO MY KIDS, IF THEY COME HOME WITH ANY BAD HABITS, I WILL TRACK YOU DOWN AND EAT YOUR FUCKING SOULS!"WITH THAT, SHE GIVES HER BROOD OF CHILDREN ONE QUICK HUG AND KISS ON THE HEAD EACH, SHOOTS ONE LAST WITHERING GLARE AT YOU, THEN SPREADS HER BAT-LIKE WINGS AND FLIES OUT THE WINDOW OF THE BUS INTO THE SHADOWS, PAUSING ONLY TO KICK SOME GUY IN THE HEAD FOR STARING AT HER TOO BLATANTLY.
JUST ABOUT EVERYONE ON BUS CRANES THEIR NECKS FOR A BETTER LOOK AT HER LEATHER-CLAD BUT AS SHE FLIES OFF.
"DADDY DADDY DADDY! CAN WE START SINGING NOW? DO WE GET INSTRUMENTS?? WHERE'S THE FUCKING RIDER?!"Item Gained: Small, Annoying Demon-Child x4! ROLL DRUNKENLY OUT OF THE GLOVEBOX
[3] YOU ROLL HEAVILY OUT OF GLOVEBOX ALONG WITH A BUNCH OF EMPTY BEER CANS, CRUSHING A BUNCH OF BABY SPIDERS AS YOU LAND HEAVILY ON THE FLOOR. YOUR HEAD FEELS LIKE SATAN ATE A BAD BURRITO, TORE OPEN THE TOP OF YOUR SKULL AND TOOK A DUMP IN THERE. OOOOOWWW.
ALSO SOME MORE BABY SPIDERS SEEM TO BE CLIMBING ALL OVER YOU
HOPEFULLY THEY NOT TRYING TO AVENGE THEIR BRETHREN
Item Gained: Satanic Hangover!
Item Gained: Spider Goop (Coating most of upper body)!
Item Gained: Angry Baby Spiders (x20)! START SINGING DEATH METAL USING ALL THE SOUND OF THE CHAOS ON THE BUS AROUND AS THE MUSIC! EVERYTHING WILL BE EPIC!
[1] WHUH... WHAT? WUZZAT? DEATH METAL? SINGING?
YOU'RE TOO BUSY STARING AT THAT DROP-DEAD GORGEOUS DEMON BABE. NOT PARTICULARLY SUBTLE, EITHER. YOU LIKE THE WOLF FROM THAT 'RED HOT RIDING HOOD' CARTOON, YOUR EYEBALLS BUG OUT, YOUR TONGUE UNFURLS ACROSS THE FLOOR LIKE A SLIMY HALLRUNNER, AND STEAM BEGINS TO POUR FROM YOUR EARS AS YOU LEER AT HER.
SHE CAN'T HELP BUT NOTICE YOUR ATTENTION, AND AS SHE MAKES HER EXIT THROUGH THE BUS WINDOW SHE KICKS YOU IN THE FACE. HARD. WITH A HIGH-HEEL BOOT. ITS SPIKE TAKES OUT ONE OF YOUR EYES AND YOU FLY BACKWARDS AND SLAM INTO WALL OF BUS UNCONSCIOUS
Item Gained: Demon Boner!
Item Lost: Consciousness!
Item Lost: Eye!
MAKE HAT OUT OF PANTIES.
[2] YOU STICK THE PANTIES ON YOUR HEAD.
SOMEHOW,
SOMEHOW, YOU MANAGE TO TANGLE THEM AROUND YOUR NECK.
YOU BEGIN TO CHOKE.
Item Equipped: Large Soiled Panties (Wrapped around neck)!
State Entered: Asphyxiating! BE THE BOOZE
[4] YOU AWAKEN IN BACK OF BUS, WEARING T-SHIRT DECORATED WITH POPULAR BEER LOGO
JUST AS WELL YOU NOT ACTUALLY A BOOZE... THE BOOZE PRETTY MUCH ALL DIED LAST NIGHT
Item Acquired: [Beer Brand] Logo T-shirt! Deactivate stealth and hit the bus with a METAL AMBUSH.
YOU CHARGE OUT FROM THE UNDERGROWTH, READY TO MAKE AN
ACT OF WAR! [2] IN SOVIET RUSSIA, BUS HIT
YOU! YOU RUN OVER BY SPEEDING BUS, BECOME HORRIBLY INJURED AND TRAPPED IN WHEEL ARCH
Injury Gained: Moderately Mangled!
State Entered: Stuck In Bottom of Bus!
TAKE GLUE, TAKE MAGIC BOTTLE CAP, TAKE DRUM-STICK (THE ONE FOR PLAYING DRUMS) GLUE CAP TO DRUMSTICK TO MAKE A ROCK GOD POWERED DRUM-STICK.
PLAY SWEET DRUMS.
FNIFF IS BUSY BEING DOUBLED OVER IN PAIN, SO YOU QUICKLY SNAFFLE ONE OF HIS DRUMSTICKS
[3] YOU HAVE A BIT OF STICKY TAPE, MANAGE TO GET BOTTLE CAP MORE-OR-LESS STUCK ONTO STICK
NOT MAKE VERY COOL SOUND WHEN YOU HIT THE DRUM, THOUGH. MAYBE THIS IDEA NEEDS WORK.
Item Acquired: Drumstick With Bottle Cap Attachment! REMEMBER THAT I DID NOT GO TO SOME SISSY PANSY SECRET AGENT SCHOOL! I WAS A COMMANDO BEFORE MY PROMOTION TO GENERAL!
THEN USE THE STRING I HAVE TO PULL THE CLARINET AWAY FROM THE MAN!
[1] YOU DON'T REMEMBER SHIT
THIS MERCILESS TAUNTING IS SO HARMFUL TO YOUR FRAGILE, HIGHLY-STRUNG PSYCHE THAT YOU LAPSE INTO COMA
...OR MAYBE THAT'S THE 'BEING DRAGGED ALONG BEHIND THE BUS AT HIGH SPEEDS.
(I AM SO GLAD YOU ROLLED A ONE THERE AHAHAHA)
Item Lost: Consciousness!
State Entered: Comatose! be in town, face palm repeatedly, then shoot fireball at the guitar that's going to hit us.
[5] YOU ARE THE WITCH/WARLOCK [DELETE AS APPROPRIATE] OF NORMVILLE
YOU LIVE IN SMALL CREEPY COTTAGE A LITTLE WAYS OUT OF TOWN IN OUTSKIRTS OF FOREST ON A HILL
HAVING DIVINED THE APPROACH OF THESE TROUBLESOME TROUBADOURS IN THE INTESTINES OF A GOAT SEVERAL DAYS AGO, YOU ARE WELL PREPARED FOR THEIR ARRIVAL... WITH A HANDY FIREBALL SPELL. YOU HUCK IT TOWARDS THE AIRBORNE GUITAR.
OPPOSED ROLLS TIME WOO WOO [4] VS [6] HMM.
NAV MANAGES TO AVOID FIREBALL THROUGH LIBERAL USE OF AERIAL ACROBATICS, BUT IN THE PROCESS FUCKS UP THE LANDING
HIS GUITAR IS NOW LODGED IN ROOF OF BUS
CLOSE ENOUGH I GUESS
BURST FROM ENGINE (WITHOUT DESTROYING ENGINE) WITH FLAMING FLYING V IN HAND. PLUG INTO ELEPHANT PARADE AND SHRED A MELODY OF SPEED WHILE STANDING ON HOOD, THAT WE MAY ARRIVE SOONER.
[6] YOU LEAP FORTH FROM THE ENGINE, YOUR FLAMING V ABOVE YOUR HEAD AS YOU PLANT YOUR FEET WIDE ON THE HOOD
YOU RAISE YOUR STRUMMING HAND HIGH, LEAVE A DRAMATIC PAUSE, THEN BRING IT DOWN ONTO THE STRINGS, LAUNCHING INTO A HIGH-SPEED BURST OF BADASS RIFFAGE. HELGO CANNOT HELP BUT PUT PEDAL TO THE METAL AS HE HEARS SUCH INSPIRING BRUTALITY.
UNFORTUNATELY, YOU STANDING ON HOOD ALSO RATHER OBSCURES HIS VISION.
ROAD SLOWLY BENDS AS YOU COME INTO NORMVILLE, YOU ARE NOW HURTLING AT DANGEROUS SPEEDS TOWARDS GAS/SERVICE STATION ON OUTSKIRTS OF TOWN... UH OH...
Item Gained: Flame-patterned Flying V Guitar (wielded)!
Skill Increased: Riffage!
Ability Gained: Musical Acceleration Buff!
WELL, YOU'RE ALMOST THERE, AND IT LOOKS LIKE THE TOWN ISN'T ABOUT TO BE DESTROYED BY FLYING GUITARIST.
BUT NOW YOUR DRIVER IS TOO BUSY HEADBANGING/BEING DISTRACTED TO STEER, AND IT LOOKS LIKE YOU ABOUT TO CRASH.
ALSO YOU GOTTA BABYSIT FOR A BUNCH OF BRATTY DEMON KIDS, YOUR DRUMMER IS INCAPACITATED AND THE TOWN SEEMS TO BE SLINGIN' FIREBALLS AT YOU. TOUR LIFE IS HARD, HUH? IT'S TIME TO DO OR DIE.
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Topic: ROLL TO THRASH (Read 16673 times)