HOLD ONTO YOUR BUTTS MOTHERLOVERS 'CAUSE THIS SHIT IS GETTIN' REVIVED
IT'S A TOTAL FUCKING NECRO(YEAH, EXPECT ME TO LINK THAT SONG A LOT IF THE UNDEAD BECOME INVOLVED AT ANY POINT)OPPOSED ROLLS TIME LALALA [6] V [2] ...OH SHIT
HELGO BEATS THE ABSOLUTE
SHIT OUT OF POOR WILFRED
AND EVERYTHING AROUND HIM, TOO
BREAKS THE BUS'S GEARSTICK, SMASHES THE DRIVER'S SIDE WINDOW, AND SETS OFF AIRBAG
ALSO GLOVE COMPARTMENT BREAKS OPEN, SHITLOADS OF SCARY-ASS SPIDERS BEGIN POURING OUT EVERYWHERE
NICE GOING HELGO
YOU START DRIVING ANYWAYS
MAKE SOME GOOD PROGRESS. ALSO YOU RAN OVER A DONKEY, WHERE THE HELL DID THAT COME FROM?
Smash the usurper's skull in with my rock. Assume my rightful position as driver again.
Eat silicate, motherfucker.
[6]
Item Gained: Baby Spiders (crawling over body)!
State Gained: Driving!
Position Reclaimed: Driver's Seat (bloodstained and tattered)!
Get the shit out of this spooky-ass forest while keeping rock-boy at bay. Also, try to get a knife into the end of my peg leg so i can use it as a weapon in emergencies.
[2]
State Gained: UnconsciousComatose!
Item Gained: BRaNe DAmidGE!
State Gained: Grotesquely Injured! FIND JETPACK POWERED BY THE SCREAMING SOULS OF A THOUSAND DEAD ROCK STARS, FROM PAST AND FUTURE.
[3] YOU FIND... A LARGE PAIR OF SOILED WHITE PANTIES.
MAYBE YOU COULD USE THIS AS MAKESHIFT GLIDER/PARACHUTE? IF OWNER DOESN'T TRY TO RECLAIM THEM, AT LEAST
USE CORDLESS DRILL TO ESCAPE AND JUMP AT THE GUY PLAYING BAD JAZZ AT ME. YOU CAN'T DO JAZZ WITH AN ELECTRIC GUITAR YA KNOW?
HE CAN DO JAZZ WITH WHATEVER THE HECK HE WANTS, THIS IS ROLL TO
THRASH, NOT ROLL TO JAZZ!
ANYWAY...
[4] YOU MANAGE TO FREE YOURSELF WITH BIT OF EFFORT
KINDA NOISY THOUGH
THEN YOU LUNGE AT POOR CLARINET DUDE WITH YOUR DRILL.
MORE OPPOSED ROLLS LA LA LA [2] VS [5]
BWAAAA-WAAA-WAAAAA-WAA, BWAAA-WAAAA-WAAA-WAA
BOMBIDDIDY-BOM-BOMDOMBOM BOMBIDDIDY-BOM-DOM-BADUM, BOM-DIBIDDY-OM-BOMDOBOM, BOMBIDDY-BOM-DOMDOM
DA-DAAAH, DA-DA-DAHH!
(THAT'S HOW IT GOES RIGHT?)
POKETWO IS REDUCED TO TEARS BY YOUR CRUEL MOCKERY
ALL THROUGH SPECIAL AGENT SCHOOL HIS MORE-COMPETENT CLASSMATES WOULD TEASE HIM WITH THAT VERY TUNE
HE FALLS TO HIS KNEES, DROPS THE DRILL, AND CRIES.
HAHAHAHA WHAT A NERD
USE CORDLESS DRILL TO ESCAPE AND JUMP AT THE GUY PLAYING BAD JAZZ AT ME. YOU CAN'T DO JAZZ WITH AN ELECTRIC GUITAR YA KNOW?
State Gained: Incredibly Sad!
Item Gained: Tears of Shame! (worn on face) If you're talking about me, I have a clarinet.
PLAY THE JAMES BOND THEME AT HIM
Skill Increased: Perform(Clarinet)!
Ability Gained: Clarinet-based Mockery! DRINK THAT POTION WHILE CONTINUING TO SIMULTANEOUSLY GYRATE AND HIP THRUST ON THE SPOT.
ACTUALLY, DON'T, JUST REALISED WHAT I ACTUALLY GOT.
ANYWAY, CONTINUE INSULTING THE FOREST SPIRITS ANY WAY I CAN.
[2] EHH, YOU CAN'T REALLY THINK OF ANY JUICY INSULTS RIGHT NOW. TOO HUNGOVER.
NEITHER CAN GM, REALLY, SO FOREST SPIRITS REMAIN SILENT FOR NOW
EVEN WHEN YOU CALL THEM A BUNCH OF BUTTS
Acquire spell "Amplify Noise" by listening to magical cassettes.
DASH COMPARTMENT CURRENTLY FULL OF SPIDERS, BUT YOU FIND SOMETHING UNDER THE SEAT...
YEAH THAT OUGHTA DO IT
YOU SLIDE IT INTO TAPE PLAYER (TRYING NOT TO GET SPIDERS ON YOU) AND CRANK THAT SHIT
[6] SHORTLY YOU HAVE GAINED THE POWER OF AMPLIFICATION. UNFORTUNATELY, IN DOING SO YOU ALMOST DEAF.
ALSO, YOUR NECK IS BROKEN.
I GUESS THIS SORT OF THING IS WHY WIMPY WIZARDS USUALLY LISTEN TO DOOM
YOU SLUMP AGAINST DASH, HELPLESS TO DEFEND YOUR FLOPPY-NECKED SELF AS SPIDERS CRAWL OVER YOU
(AND SOME GUY CHANGES THE MUSIC)Spell Gained: Amplify Noise!
Trait Gained: Severe Hearing Loss!
Injury Gained: Broken Neck!
Item Gained: Baby Spiders (Swarming across body)!BE AXE
THRASH FOREST
IN HONOUR OF THIS WORTHY, SO RECENTLY (AND TRAGICALLY!) DEPARTED FROM OUR COMPANY, I SHALL GIVE THEIR ACTION AUTO SUCCESS
[0+5] THE SPIRIT OF THE SLAIN LSP ESCAPES THE DEMONS OF THE CURSED FOREST, THOSE WHO WOULD GNAW UPON IT FOR ALL ETERNITY
IT TAKES REFUGE INSTEAD IN THE AXE SO RECENTLY WIELDED BY ITS MORTAL FORM, AND TAKES ITS REVENGE UPON ITS MURDERERS
AS THE BUS TRUNDLES SLOWLY AWAY DOWN THE TRAIL, THOSE INSIDE (IF THEY BOTHER LOOKING) CAN SEE A STRANGE SIGHT INDEED
A GHOSTLY AXE, WIELDED BY INVISIBLE HANDS, DOING BATTLE WITH THE LOOMING, TWISTED TREES OF THE TERRIFYING FOREST
SOME TREES FALL, OTHERS SWIPE AT THE AXE, SMASHING SPLINTERS FROM ITS ONCE-POLISHED HANDLE
IT FIGHTS ON, HOWEVER, AND AS THE BUS ROUNDS A CORNER THE LAST THOSE ON BOARD SEE OF IT IS THE AXE LOCKED IN COMBAT WITH THE FOREST
AND THERE, IT SEEMS, THEY SHALL REMAIN FOR ALL OF TIME- TWO IMMORTAL FOES LOCKED IN UNENDING COMBAT.
REIGN IN CHAOS, LORDSLOWPOKE. Practice the ELECTRIC GUITAR along with Fniff playing the drums. Work the sound to go along with the fighting.
[2] DUDE, THE GUY WITH THE ONLY GUITAR IN THE BUS JUST WENT FLYING OFF TOWARDS NORMVILLE ON TOP OF IT
...YOU MAKE 'DANA-DUNDUNDUN-DANANAH' NOISES WITH YOUR MOUTH INSTEAD
YOU FEEL KIND OF SILLY. MAYBE TRY SOME AIR GUITAR?
Find my goddamn mic, after waking up. Get on the damn bus and prepare to be the vocals.
[4] YOU FIND A MIC, PLUG IT INTO A NON-EXPLODED AMP ON THE BUS AND BEGIN TALKING REALLY QUICKLY INTO IT
"DEATH! SPANS THE HORIZON! BLOOD! CLOUDS MY VISION! GET! THE FUCK OUT OF THIS SPOOKY-ASS FOREST ALREADY GODDAMNIT DRIVER DUDE."
Item Gained: Microphone (amplified)! Continue skinning!
MURDER HIM WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE.
OH YEAH, I'D FORGOTTEN ABOUT THIS SILLINESS
UH
TIME FOR FOR OPPOSED ROLLS WHEEEE! [2] VS [2] ...HUH
LOOKS LIKE YOU BOTH PASS OUT FROM BLOODLOSS
IN EACH OTHER'S ARMS. HOW SWEET.
Both: State Gained: Unconscious!
State Gained: Embracing! Do a mating call to all of my fellow demons and make demon baby skin leather jacket!
[6] OHHHH BOY
YOU'VE DONE IT NOW
YOUR HOT-AS-HELL (QUITE LITERALLY) DEMONIC WIFE-BABE SHOWS UP WHEN SHE HEARS YOUR VOICE
HER SPIKY, FOOT-HIGH STILETTO-HEELED BOOTS (ADORNED WITH SKULLS!), PROVOCATIVELY SHORT BLACK MINISKIRT (WITH A PATTERN OF TORTURED, SCREAMING FACES!) AND AMAZINGLY LONG, SHAPELY RED LEGS STILL CANNOT DISTRACT YOU FROM THE FACT THAT SHE IS INCREDIBLY PISSED. WITH YOU.
"SABERTOOTH,", SHE GROWLS,
"JUST WHERE THE FUCK IS MY CHILD SUPPORT?!"*GULP*
NOW YOU REMEMBER JUST WHY YOU JOINED BAND ABOUT TO LEAVE ON WORLD TOUR IN THE FIRST PLACE...
(YOUR ADORABLE-YET-BRATTY DEMON BABBIES ARE IN THE BUS, TOO.) State Gained: Demon!
State Gained: Father of Four!
State Gained: Deadbeat! Check out who is playing music on what, and who is fighting with what. organize the music types into a band. Organize? the fight types into a mosh pit. Take lead singer position, if available. If not, um ... time poop? no ... save that for later. If not lead singer, acquire Thrasher Band Manager status! If this is successful, make a pact with the various demons onboard, in tow, amongst my cursed forest brethren.
((i think three turns worth of actions is enough for now. Might need that time poop after all.))
[3] WELL, THERE'S ONE GUY SCREAMING SOME LYRICS, HE COULD USE A BIT OF PRACTICE BUT WHO CARES, HE HAS THE RIGHT IDEA.
THERE'S ANOTHER GUY MAKING GUITAR SOUNDS WITH HIS MOUTH, WHILST YOUR ACTUAL GUITAR PLAYER FLIES OVER THE HORIZON RIDING YOUR ONLY WORKING GUITAR. DAMN. THERE'S ALSO SOME DUDE WITH A CLARINET, BUT HE'S MORE FOCUSED ON PLAYING JAZZ TUNES.
THE MOST COMPETENT BAND MEMBER SEEMS TO BE THE DRUMMER. HE INTRODUCES HIMSELF AS FNIFF, THEN LAYS DOWN A SOLO.
HEY, YEAH, HE'S PRETTY GOOD... WOW, THIS IS GREAT... WH-HEY HEY
HEY! TOO GOOD! OH GOD YOUR STOMACH RUPTURES! THE PAIN! ARGHHGHHGH!
AT LEAST THE AGONY MAKES YOU FORGET ALL ABOUT HANGOVER
Injury Gain: Busted Gut!
Item Lost: Stomach Contents!
Item Lost: Hangover! Attempt to influence ALL THE CONSCIOUSNESSES to move closer. Much, much closer.
[6] THEY HAPPILY OBLIGE! UNFORTUNATELY, THERE ISN'T ROOM FOR THEM ALL IN THERE...
YOUR HEAD EXPLODES! Item Lost: Head!
Item Lost: Life!
State Gained: Dead!
Category Entered: the Category of The Dead!
CONGRATULATIONS YOU ARE SECOND DEATH! RESPAWN? Help out Ozarck by saying that I'm the drummer. Put emphasis on this by doing a kickass drum solo.
[6] (GOOD GRIEF)
YOU PULL OUT A GUT-BUSTINGLY BADASS DRUM SOLO! LITERALLY!
POOR OZARCK DOUBLES OVER IN PAIN AND A DONKEY APPEARS SUDDENLY IN FRONT OF THE BUS, ONLY FOR CRAZED-BEARD-ROCK-DUDE TO RUN IT OVER.
YOU ONLY WANTED TO HELP ;_;Get the shit out of this spooky-ass forest while keeping rock-boy at bay. Also, try to get a knife into the end of my peg leg so i can use it as a weapon in emergencies.
SORRY DUDE, YOU GOT KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT WAY BACK AT THE START OF THE TURN. ALSO YOU'RE COVERED IN BABY SPIDERS.
THEY'RE PROBABLY GONNA START FEASTING ON YOUR BRAINS AND/OR LAYING EGGS OF THEIR OWN IN THERE OR SOME SHIT.
HERE, HAVE A SWORD-LEG TO COMPENSATE.
Item Gained: Baby Spiders (crawling over body)!
Item Gained: Sword-leg!
State Maintained: Comatose! MAKE BOOZE WITH THE POWER OF ROCK
[4] YOU CHUCK SOME
EAGLES OF DEATH METAL, OF ALL THINGS, ON THE STEREO
ENORMOUSLY FAT GIRL SITTING NEXT TO YOU REGAINS CONSCIOUSNESS LONG ENOUGH TO EXPRESS HER APPROVAL BY HANDING YOU A BEER
I GUESS THAT MAKES UP FOR THE SPIDER THAT CLIMBED ON YOUR HAND FROM THE STEREO...
Item Gained: Baby Spider (on hand)!
Item Gained: Bottle of Beer!
SO, THERE'S A BUNCH OF DEMONS ON THE BUS, SOMEONE'S HEAD JUST EXPLODED, THE GEARBOX IS SMASHED, THE FRONT PART OF THE BUS IS SWARMING WITH SPIDERS, AND WORST OF ALL THE SONG PLAYING ON THE STEREO IS MOST ASSUREDLY NOT THRASH!
OH AND DID I MENTION NAV IS STILL GONNA HIT NORMVILLE AT THE END OF NEXT TURN UNLESS HE WAKES HIS LAZY ASS UP AND DOES SOMETHING?
AT LEAST THE BUS IS MOVING, BUT IF YOUR GUITARIST DOESN'T GET HIS SHIT TOGETHER YOU AIN'T GONNA HAVE A TOWN TO GO TO...
>WHAT NOW?
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Topic: ROLL TO THRASH (Read 16683 times)