Just gonna drop off some problems here.
So just last weekend, my 14 year old self went to my friend Cameron's house. All was well and normal, I was just acting a little nervous or odd when next to his sister, Noelle whom I have a crush on.
Now, while that much is normal, what happened after playing "Sorry: Spongebob Edition" wasn't. I decided to ask where the shot glasses are, and that I'm going to take a shot of that Fireball Whiskey. Noelle decided to show me to a shot glass that was actually just a tiny bucket, and she poured me a drink. I knocked it back and said "Oh shit, that tastes exactly like the fucking cinnamon!" (We were also both doing the cinnamon challenge. I won, she hurled.) She started laughing, and brought me another drink. It was some coffee alcohol shaker thing that she didn't bother shaking. I decided "Why not?" and knocked it back. She then brought me a shot of rum, and I drank it. She brought me a shot of Tonic, and I dumped it in the sink, saying that it looked like diarrhea. She then brought me a shot of gin, and I drank it. Finally, she brought me a shot of vodka. I said "Oh shit, this is the real stuff now. I heard that you weren't supposed to drink vodka straight like that." She said "Oh just drink it!" And I did so. Well, atleast half of the shot. I dumped out the rest in the sink and said "Alright, I'm done, they were right! That shit tastes awful straight." Later that day, their dad suggested that we bike to 7/11 and buy slurpies. On the way there, I was extremely focused on not falling off the bike, as I was a bit inebriated, and didn't really go on bikes often at all. No problems there, but on the way back, I could barely taxi my bike across the street with the slurpy in my hand, so Noelle decided to take both her's and my slurpy to ride back. I saw it in her face and tone of voice that she was very disappointed.
When their dad drove me back to my house, that's when I realized how fucked up I am. Also, their parents didn't know that I drank anything, although Noelle almost told them twice. She's also been going through some emotional problems, where she would randomly start crying and yelling over small things, usually started by her step-mom. I think I should also mention that Cameron is annoying as hell, and is only her step-brother that barely considers them related.
I always get nervous around girls, and can never just be friends with them, as I end up getting attached and worried that they're not into me, and can't stop thinking about what's under their clothes. I have a fucked up mindset about most things, and keep daydreaming odd things, such as shit being destroyed, people being killed, or me being inside girls that I know. Today on the bus, a friend asked: "If your dad divorced your mom, and married another that had daughters, and they liked you, would it count as Incest?" I said: "Technically yes, but I'd be fine with it." "Yeah, but no blood or anything." "I'd be into it even if we were related by blood."
I have it all planned out and everything to be a burglar or car hopper as a plan B profession.
I know that I'd probably be classified as a Sociopath if I went to a counselor, and I don't want the world to legally see me as one, I want to only allow those who are in my immediate vicinity to see that. And you people, of course.
I also have a very bad work ethic. I procrastinate on almost everything. I passed 8th grade by a single point on the science final, and I'm smart too! I'm very smart, and that's how my parents are a bit disappointed in me, too. They probably expected me to be an honors student, not a kid that they'd have to go to the school because I got detention for not doing any homework. My procrastination is so bad, that I don't play with friends and talk to them on skype often, as I do not wish to be bothered or deal with people. It's so bad that I waited until the last day to finish a succession game, and I LOVE playing DF! It's so bad that I procrastinate in trying to find help or fixes for my procrastination.
I'm pretty sure I'd be classified as a Kleptomaniac, as I've been stealing things stealthily since Kindergarten, only being caught by people I trusted ratting me out, probably leading to my untrusting of people, and a bit of my paranoia.
Posting this here because I'm pretty much anonymous, and just wanted to express some mental hardships.