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Author Topic: Friend with a particular attachment problem. Can anyone relate?  (Read 12817 times)

Prudent Viper

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Re: Friend with a particular attachment problem. Can anyone relate?
« Reply #75 on: October 01, 2014, 10:16:53 am »

I just want to make it clear that I don't think anything good will come out of this discussion.
Why so?

Before I answer that, I'd like to ask you a question;

What do you think would be the best possible outcome as a result of this conversation?

I'd also like to pose that same query to Mr Polson, if you please.
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Tiruin

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Re: Friend with a particular attachment problem. Can anyone relate?
« Reply #76 on: October 01, 2014, 10:30:01 am »

I just want to make it clear that I don't think anything good will come out of this discussion.
Why so?

Before I answer that, I'd like to ask you a question;

What do you think would be the best possible outcome as a result of this conversation?

I'd also like to pose that same query to Mr Polson, if you please.
Best possible outcome from here? You probably telling us what's on your mind. :P
But to the thread in particular: giving of advice (and/or countering whatever plagues Sam). Obviously, none of this will be contributive to helping anyone if either there's something on their side which makes them lean much on one thought or another. The best thing to get out of this is from being open-minded ._.

I'm still wondering, though it seems more likely, that Sam's thoughts are coming from or rooted in bad experience :/ (as in, friends leaving, for an example...), then applying it to...everyone.

Though I believe your doubt here is due to lacking evidence?
« Last Edit: October 01, 2014, 10:44:18 am by Tiruin »
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Re: Friend with a particular attachment problem. Can anyone relate?
« Reply #77 on: October 01, 2014, 10:36:28 am »

If you don't mind, i rudely posit my own answer: That we might help Sam feel better, ideally to the point where he doesn't want to throw his own life away. As i mentioned, i don't believe in an afterlife of any kind, so the idea of anyone forfeiting this one and only life is terrifying to me. That's my answer. I can't speak for Tiruin or Sam.

@Shook

I'm sorry, but you don't seem to understand my point. It's my fault, of course, for not being able to explain it better.
Just... seems that since I was abandoned by nearly everyone, nobody understands me. And... I don't really care. I have to be alone, because others would just try to hurt me, no matter if it's out of good motivation or bad.
Kindness and other things like this do exist in this world, but they are extremely limited and have a tendency to burn off fast. Humans can't be kind for too long. It goes against their nature.

P.S. I hate making long forum posts...
I've been abandoned, betrayed and bullied over the course of 5 very long years of my childhood, i know how terrible the feeling is, and i'm not as much of a simpleton as i may appear. It has hurt me, and it has left scars that are still in the slow and painful process of healing. By the ass end of those 5 years, there was literally ONE person left in the school who i could call a friend, the rest were indifferent or outright hostile. It started out because i was a different kid; i liked computers, they liked football. It escalated in part because of my own poor reactions, and in part because as time went, it shifted from "he's different" to "he's our target, it's just how things work", and people didn't even bother looking for a reason to be an arse to me. I KNOW how it feels to be outnumbered 20 to 1, and how it feels when they're all spitting their verbal diarrhea all over ones face, alienating me, actively trying to make me cry, and how it'd only get worse if i retaliated in any manner. I could only shut myself in, so that's what i did. This made me appear as a bitter recluse instead of the cheerful lad that i was/am. It was sometimes so bad that i would hit myself in the stomach to provoke a stomach ache, so i didn't have to go to school.

Is this all normal, acceptable and justified? Not by any stretch of the imagination. It's disappointingly common, but it's about as normal, acceptable and justified as the Nazi persecution of jews (read: NOT normal, NOT acceptable, NOT justified). All this goes to show that humans can be utter monsters, and does indeed support your case.

HOWEVER.

Don't ignore the good guys. You hear about crimes all day every day, but you don't hear about all the regular people who go about their day studying diligently and hanging out with their friends. I'm sorry to be putting words in your mouth, but it seems like you don't even want this world to be good, the way you're merrily skipping around all evidence of human kindness with the old and tired "you don't understand" card. You say we can't look past our natures, but here you are, and here i am. I'm not trying to hurt you, and you're not trying to hurt me (even though it is mildly offensive to be bunched in the big "humans are all violent criminals" barrel). Humans are social animals, not marauders. If we're going by your logic, then dogs are all terrible because a few of them try to attack each other. Horses too, for that matter. And camels, and sheep, and elephants, and giraffes. They're all terrible and violent assholes because they don't live a life of pure peace, full stop.

That's just bullshit, right?

Now, please don't go thinking that i'm trivializing what you've been through, because bullying is terrible and is done by terrible people, and i'm still feeling the aftereffects myself. But, try to think about the people who aren't bullying you. Are they alienating you, or are you pushing them away because you automatically think they're terrible? I'm not blaming you here, it's just food for thought. I've found myself thinking the same. I've found the excess to think about such things, because in the 6 years that have passed since i got out of elementary school, i have met so many nice and kind people that it's almost making me cry tears of joy. In the beginning, i was prevented from easily getting close to people because i still had that force field around me, which made me distance myself from them. I still have that a bit, but the force field is oh so much smaller now. I've let people into my life, my interest, my quirks... And my flaws, too. They haven't hurt me. They have all the ammunition they need to make my life a living hell, but they'd seemingly much rather be my friend. Likewise for my relation to them; I COULD be a complete arse, but that just feels inherently wrong to me, both logically and emotionally. You've probably heard of the golden rule: "One should treat others as one would like others to treat oneself". This goes for everyone, and is surprisingly deeply embedded in almost every culture. Therefore, as a basis, i treat others nicely and have an eye-to-eye level of respect for them. If they reciprocate, great! If not, politely say "goodbye" and you can both be on your way. Most of the time, people will reciprocate.

So, what this means is that if you approach people with a sour "what do you want from me pesky human" attitude, they're not going to be as positive. Obviously, the people who are abusing you are rock-bottom idiots who should be thrown into the ocean, but the rest of humanity shouldn't automatically be thrown as well. There's no chain in between them. Again, forgive me for being blunt and callous here, but it seems a bit odd to me that you identify as a truly kind soul when you're so eager to dismiss all evidence of human kindness and stamp the entirety of humanity as a bunch of violent apes. That's bigotry, and it's not a nice thing. I totally get that your point of reference is anything but favourable; i've had that deal going too in a very unfortunate manner. Among the many tormentors i've had, those of foreign ethnicity tended to be the worst (although there were absolutely also danish assholes). Guess how that coloured my world view? Yup, i'm struggling with racism in my head, because i've had too many negative and too few positive interactions with people of foreign ethnicity in my childhood. There's constantly this dumb little voice being like "oh no he's black/middle eastern/whatever" when i know full and well that this is not indicative of anything beyond physical appearance. I have since gone on to meet many such people who have ended up becoming friends of mine. Point is, you can't judge an entire harvest based on a few bad apples, and you can't judge an entire population of humans based on a few assholes.

You may notice that i'm referring to myself a lot. This is because i speak from experience, as one who has both felt and been tormented by his peers. I understand much more than i'm comfortable with, and i'd hate to see similar issues ruining the life of another.
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LordBucket

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Re: Friend with a particular attachment problem. Can anyone relate?
« Reply #78 on: October 01, 2014, 11:21:00 am »

neither you nor me have a right to decide for the Princess, what decision she'd make.
It's Her Majesty's business, not ours.

Bonds that should have been unbreakable have been torn asunder, and we have been betrayed by those we trusted most. The collective pain of a thousand years of loneliness will soon return to exact their bitter revenge. Doom is upon us, threatening to cast all that we hold dear into eternal night.

Shall we fight? Shall we resist? Shall we embrace the darkness in bitter defeat?


"I have an even more essential task for you to complete: make some friends."

 -- From the correspondence of Princess Celestia, Season 1 Episode 1


Naryar

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Re: Friend with a particular attachment problem. Can anyone relate?
« Reply #79 on: October 01, 2014, 11:24:06 am »

Suffering and injustice exists in the world so we may fight against it and grow due to interaction with it. It is not a fatality, nor something anormal.

Sam, you call war evil but yet you want to make people who bash your show suffer. It is exactly the same feeling that makes people go to war.

Man has wanted to create utopias since many millenia and hence they use fiction to do that... MLP is another one of them. But it's not the real world.

Yes one should try to make it's own world/the world of others better (they often collide), due to personal happiness and/or empathy for others, but a perfect society (aka utopia) will never exist. It's in it's name: an utopia is a place that doesn't exist.

Also this "kindness is against human nature" is BS... it's like saying love is against human nature, or violence is against human nature, or the need to be happy is against human nature. If all of these are true, then why do you see people being happy, people kicking each other's asses or people loving each other ? They are all human feelings and they all are part of human nature.

But this discussion is looking like both sides are being camped in their fortifications, arguments are being fired with no effect and no one makes any progress.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Prudent Viper

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Re: Friend with a particular attachment problem. Can anyone relate?
« Reply #80 on: October 01, 2014, 11:48:00 am »

I really treat MLP like a religion
What I need is a solution. A solution for this problem, with my sharp reactions to idiots, who keep spoiling MLP.

The reason I asked you the question, Tiruin, is because a few of the posters here aren't addressing Polson's issue. They're more focused on providing support through their own life experiences or advice to support him through his depression.  This isn't inherently a bad thing.

However, in this case it's not all that good either. As dismissive as it sounds (I heartily apologise for anyone it may offend), this isn't a "Share your terrible and damaging childhood anecdotes" thread.
 Sam's issue, the one he asked for help with, is to find a way to deal with what he believes is, for want of a better word, sacrilege. The feelings he gets when he sees something that violates his personal "pony code" are what should be discussed here.

The root problem, which is what I believe most of you are trying to address, is serious. It is not going to be solved with a forum thread. If you truly want to assist Sam, you'll help chip away at the little problems. Leave the rest to someone qualified.

Furthermore, you should not show anything but the deepest respect for Sam's beliefs. This is not meant to be a discussion of the value of MLP's morals.

   
Sam, I do apologise for writing as if you're not here.
« Last Edit: October 01, 2014, 11:49:55 am by Prudent Viper »
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Tiruin

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Re: Friend with a particular attachment problem. Can anyone relate?
« Reply #81 on: October 01, 2014, 11:58:18 am »

However, in this case it's not all that good either. As dismissive as it sounds (I heartily apologise for anyone it may offend), this isn't a "Share your terrible and damaging childhood anecdotes" thread.
 Sam's issue, the one he asked for help with, is to find a way to deal with what he believes is, for want of a better word, sacrilege. The feelings he gets when he sees something that violates his personal "pony code" are what should be discussed here.

The root problem, which is what I believe most of you are trying to address, is serious. It is not going to be solved with a forum thread. If you truly want to assist Sam, you'll help chip away at the little problems. Leave the rest to someone qualified.
On that [first orange] point: I don't think there's anyway to stop them given the method of media at the moment other than telling them what they do is wrong and/or may hurt others--however, it is to note, those who 'deface' or do whateverintheworld they do with MLP, has no bearing on what is canon and...what is MLP, as far as I've seen or read from others. I mean, sure, there'd be people who would do that, however what they do also reflects their beliefs and who they are...however that does not apply to the vast majority of people. Requoting what I said back there, evil is louder than good, though it is not stronger than such in a general sense.
Somehow there isn't any MLP in the Philippines, anyway. So I'm talking out of pure observation and can't relate, though I've heard its quite a nice show.
Also on the next point: What solves it, is him and himself alone. Everyone else is an influence of varying degree. None of us can solve a problem like that, for him but provide information that he may use and make informed choices out of. Even a qualified professional is but a guide--though an effective one.
Reminds me of what a revered instructor of mine said: [Psychologists] don't solve problems for you. They facilitate, guide, support, and teach.
That doesn't mean that they can't help or be of any use, but it may mean that what you value and what you observe has a prominent effect on how effective advice is.


Edit:
Quote
However, in this case it's not all that good either. As dismissive as it sounds (I heartily apologise for anyone it may offend), this isn't a "Share your terrible and damaging childhood anecdotes" thread.
Err, its not particularly that its the sharing of such thread, but what is gained in the essence of it all, thread. :P People share such because there's something other in there, that makes it worth sharing.
« Last Edit: October 01, 2014, 01:06:29 pm by Tiruin »
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Prudent Viper

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Re: Friend with a particular attachment problem. Can anyone relate?
« Reply #82 on: October 01, 2014, 01:04:08 pm »

I agree with you on the second point, somewhat. I don't believe that a thread which has over a dozen different confusing "guides" is very helpful. Let's leave that for now though, since I can't bring anything more than pedantics/anecdotes to the table, and we'll end up just bickering if I do. I concede.

However, on the first? To quote the OP:
For my friend, seeing almost anything that he classifies as 'disrespect' towards ponies invokes a very sharp negative response in him. This doesn't just stop at fanfictions and/or artwork of dubious nature, however -- even something like a picture of a couple of the pony characters being petted by a human hand made him feel an overwhelming sense that they were being disrespected or made 'lower' than the 'truly sentient' creatures that they're supposed to be, in his eyes.

This isn't an issue of people disrespecting the show. It's that people connect with their idols on different ways. It's not "evil" in any respect.

To give an example of what Sam is going through, I'm looking at modern religions. IE, this isn't a case of Pagans vs Christians, it's one of Shia vs Sunni, Protestant vs Catholic. Both of these very similar variants of the same religion have come to blows with each other over subtle differences.

I'm a fan of the Halo series. I grew up with Halo, Halo 3 was the first game I ever completed. Halo made me the gamer I am today.
I like reading about the background and playing the games. I've never written fan fiction about it or cosplayed any of the characters. Many people have. Many people have also written/drawn non-canonical, downright disrespectful and/or oversexualised versions of what they think Halo is. This doesn't bother me.

However, it most likely bothers many other fans. Fans who, perhaps, feel the same emotional connection to Halo that Sam shares with MLP. It's possible that even that sentence may offend Sam.



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Shook

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Re: Friend with a particular attachment problem. Can anyone relate?
« Reply #83 on: October 01, 2014, 02:59:14 pm »

Hm, fair point, i admit i may have missed that part. In my own defense though, promoting tolerance is also a way to deal with people who inadvertently offend you. However, given that sacrilege is an alien concept to me (i don't hold anything sacred enough for "sacrilege" to be a relevant term), i don't know any ways to deal with that feeling, and thus will i retract before i inadvertently make things worse. I still wish all the best to you, Sam.
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Shakerag

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Re: Friend with a particular attachment problem. Can anyone relate?
« Reply #84 on: October 01, 2014, 05:39:38 pm »

My outlook is not rooted in... whatever you mean. I just live in human society, I see what humans do, what they tell, what their outlooks and points of view are. People are just... messed for, for the lack of the worst word.
Humans were always fighting for dominance, power and money. It's not going to change, because it is their nature. They are agressive and violent, because it's who they are, from the very beginning. Civilization doesn't mean anything for them.
And you know what? People justify everything they do, up to the worst actions they are capable of. They can even justify a rape. They treat kindness as a weakness. When I saw it, I understood that I don't want to have anything in common with these... pests.
Evil is nherent to human nature, because of evolution that went wrong and choose apes to evolve.

I don't have any hope in the good of humanity. Humanity doesn't have anything good. And blessed will be the day when all humans will die. By war, global pandemy, lack of resources or whatever. We deserved it.
Oh hey, my uncomfortable truth radar just pinged a few times over here.  What's going on in this thread? 

Hmm.

Well, I can't say as that I care much of anything for MLP, but I think you're pretty spot-on for most of your views on humanity.  Believe it or not, I have a significant other that has a mindset not terribly dissimilar from yours on the whole.  Um.  Hmm.  I really don't have any good advice for you, man.  Take solace in that which comforts you.  And, um ... maybe avoid any news sources?  The more you hear about the world, the less likely you are going to want to have anything to do with it. 

Although, I suppose the only positive thing I can say is that no matter how bad things seem to be for you, it could always be worse - you could be an animal rights activist.  Now -there's- a depressing lot in life if I ever saw one.  Trust me; I know. 

But, hey, if you ever want to talk about how terrible the world is, PM me.  I've got a "HUMANS SUCK" bumper sticker up in my office for a reason. 

Tiruin

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Re: Friend with a particular attachment problem. Can anyone relate?
« Reply #85 on: October 01, 2014, 08:24:08 pm »

So...what's your case on why humans suck, Shakerag?
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Sam Polson

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Re: Friend with a particular attachment problem. Can anyone relate?
« Reply #86 on: October 01, 2014, 10:39:13 pm »

I'm not going to argue about what people should and shouldn't do with ponies. They can treat ponies hovewer they want, since nobody seems to understand the simple thing about them. I haven't met anyone, so far.
And even if this world has good folks, humanity as a system is deeply corrupted and flawed, so much that I doubt it'd possible to fix it.
Equestria isn't perfect and it isn't utopia, actually. It just happens when reasonable creatures decide to live like reasonable creatures. Simple. But so many humans don't understand it, or just don't want to. They prefer mixing primal instincts and corrupted minds and enjoy... whatever outcome they've got.
What I need is to gather enough courage, enough strenght to finally put a noose on my neck and be done with this world.
Live in Equestria. It's a slim chance, but it's there. In here I don't have even a slim chance. So the answer is clear to me.
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Orange Wizard

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Re: Friend with a particular attachment problem. Can anyone relate?
« Reply #87 on: October 01, 2014, 10:48:15 pm »

...

Please don't do that.

I know there's no reason (in your mind, at least) to listen to me or anyone else here, but please don't do that.
« Last Edit: October 01, 2014, 10:51:48 pm by InsanityIncarnate »
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Sam Polson

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Re: Friend with a particular attachment problem. Can anyone relate?
« Reply #88 on: October 01, 2014, 10:49:59 pm »

...

Please don't do that.

Don't worry. If you'd know me, you would be sure that I'm just talking and not taking action. I'm just a coward, nothing else. But I work towards it. Someday I will do it and it'll be the last and happiest day in my life.
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Tiruin

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Re: Friend with a particular attachment problem. Can anyone relate?
« Reply #89 on: October 02, 2014, 12:23:36 am »

I'm not going to argue about what people should and shouldn't do with ponies. They can treat ponies hovewer they want, since nobody seems to understand the simple thing about them. I haven't met anyone, so far.
And even if this world has good folks, humanity as a system is deeply corrupted and flawed, so much that I doubt it'd possible to fix it.
Equestria isn't perfect and it isn't utopia, actually. It just happens when reasonable creatures decide to live like reasonable creatures. Simple. But so many humans don't understand it, or just don't want to. They prefer mixing primal instincts and corrupted minds and enjoy... whatever outcome they've got.
What I need is to gather enough courage, enough strenght to finally put a noose on my neck and be done with this world.
Live in Equestria. It's a slim chance, but it's there. In here I don't have even a slim chance. So the answer is clear to me.
Then why not be happy now? What is humanity, exactly for you? Could you please inform us of this, with examples if possible? Is there any proof going against your version of humanity?


Because that version of humanity you've got, doesn't exist here--rather, some attributes do, but as a whole is non-existent. Unless I misunderstand.
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