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Author Topic: Friend with a particular attachment problem. Can anyone relate?  (Read 12776 times)

Xvareon

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Friend with a particular attachment problem. Can anyone relate?
« on: September 12, 2014, 08:52:50 pm »

Hello out there to everyone who reads this. I've been trying to help a friend of mine from Russia over the internet for about one and a half years now with certain issues, including frequent thoughts of suicide, but I'm not having much luck lately, because... well, I can't really identify with his current problem that well. I'll explain.

He has an attachment to a particularly popular TV series called My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. I wholeheartedly support it because I'm a bit of a 'Brony', myself, but that's not the problem. In the simplest terms possible, his attachment to MLP: FiM is so strong that it might as well be a religious belief -- he's repeatedly said to me that the show, the characters, the world, etc. are all very sacred to him. But the issue isn't specifically with this attachment -- it's with the feelings that come when things 'go wrong'.

MLP: FiM has a very diverse fan community, but there are plenty of authors and artists who tend to create some rather... sketchy work, sometimes. For my friend, seeing almost anything that he classifies as 'disrespect' towards ponies invokes a very sharp negative response in him. This doesn't just stop at fanfictions and/or artwork of dubious nature, however -- even something like a picture of a couple of the pony characters being petted by a human hand made him feel an overwhelming sense that they were being disrespected or made 'lower' than the 'truly sentient' creatures that they're supposed to be, in his eyes.

He was driven to attach himself to MLP this strongly mainly because of his being bullied at a young age (he hadn't found the show back then, though), domestic problems of the worst kind with his father, and the all-around sense of absolute backwardness, uncaring, and anger that he had to deal with in his community over the years -- which has shown little to no signs of getting better.

He is tormented daily by the pain he feels from seeing all the bad things whenever he searches for something MLP-related, and he feels that he can't just stop looking at it or ignore whatever people (or even the actual writers of the show, sometimes) may create. He's even started envisioning scenarios in which these people suffer some kind of horrible pain, so that they know what they put him through.

But the real kicker, here, is that he doesn't believe that anyone else feels this attached to MLP: FiM like he does, or that attached to anything that isn't 'expected' in society (like a job, marriage, etc.), which makes him feel incredibly alone, like he's the only one who knows 'the truth' and no one else really understands. This is what I need help with, because I'm not that attached to MLP or any show or whatever, so I can't identify with his issue as much as he needs.

So, I was hoping that I could find someone on here who has gone through something like this, or knows of someone who did, and is willing to talk about it. He's already begun to turn to thoughts of suicide again, but since he can't do it himself, he's been trying to post around sites and asking people to 'give him a push' (which, so far, has given the exact opposite reaction: he's met a lot of good people in the process and become friends with at least two). I'm afraid I can't help him anymore with this because I don't understand his problem, so please, if there is anyone out there who can identify with my friend and his attachment to MLP: FiM -- or anything else -- to the point where anything going 'wrong' with it feels like blasphemy or something and leads to sharp pain and/or thoughts of helplessness/suicide, please, share your story and thoughts here. If you want to talk to my friend directly, I can give you his contact information (over private message, though; he requested that I not give his name publicly or anything).

Please, and thank you. If you have any more questions, I'll answer them as best as I can.

(P.S: Some of you may remember me, as I've made a couple posts on the subject of this particular friend in this very forum before. Yes, it's the same one. But new problems.)

Famine

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Re: Friend with a particular attachment problem. Can anyone relate?
« Reply #1 on: September 13, 2014, 09:13:00 am »

<Message Removed>
« Last Edit: September 13, 2014, 09:39:03 am by Famine »
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Moogie

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Re: Friend with a particular attachment problem. Can anyone relate?
« Reply #2 on: September 14, 2014, 11:22:42 pm »

If this is the same guy who wanted to find a girl with the exact personality of one of the characters a while back, for goodness sakes, get the guy some professional help. It sounds like he's sinking deeper into the fantasy and might be losing touch with reality altogether. He is a danger to himself, and may even be a danger to others, given his extreme emotional reactions.

This is not something you can ask strangers over the Internet for advice on. He sounds seriously ill, and needs real help.
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Orange Wizard

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Re: Friend with a particular attachment problem. Can anyone relate?
« Reply #3 on: September 15, 2014, 12:39:28 am »

This is not something you can ask strangers over the Internet for advice on. He sounds seriously ill, and needs real help.
+1

Which is ironic, seeing as we're strangers on the Internet giving advice, but yeah. You need to get professional help.
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martinuzz

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Re: Friend with a particular attachment problem. Can anyone relate?
« Reply #4 on: September 16, 2014, 05:44:07 am »

Looking at how long this has been going on, I have to say that this indeed sounds like your friend is in serious need of professional help.
Sounds to me like he is suffering from a serious psychosis.
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scriver

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Re: Friend with a particular attachment problem. Can anyone relate?
« Reply #5 on: September 16, 2014, 10:27:28 am »

I'm not sure that means what you think it means, martinuzz.
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Orange Wizard

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Re: Friend with a particular attachment problem. Can anyone relate?
« Reply #6 on: September 16, 2014, 04:02:24 pm »

Quote from: Wikipedia
Psychosis refers to an abnormal condition of the mind, and is a generic psychiatric term for a mental state often described as involving a "loss of contact with reality".
Sounds about right.
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Please don't shitpost, it lowers the quality of discourse
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martinuzz

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Re: Friend with a particular attachment problem. Can anyone relate?
« Reply #7 on: September 16, 2014, 06:41:30 pm »

I'm not sure that means what you think it means, martinuzz.
I am quite sure I do, although I must admit that there are other possibilities that could cause the OP's friend's behaviour. Pshychosis would be the most common one though.
« Last Edit: September 16, 2014, 06:43:01 pm by martinuzz »
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Friendly and polite reminder for optimists: Hope is a finite resource

We can ­disagree and still love each other, ­unless your disagreement is rooted in my oppression and denial of my humanity and right to exist - James Baldwin

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dwarf_reform

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Re: Friend with a particular attachment problem. Can anyone relate?
« Reply #8 on: September 26, 2014, 07:00:31 pm »

Seems like the key is getting him to focus on the "respectful" stuff that is there, or even write or draw his own versions of what he sees as good, and live for that.. I never really grasped how someone could honestly kill themselves if they have even one grain of hope, or a single thing they love or have passion towards.. For instance, I'd never commit suicide when I can just say "Bleh." and play some Dwarf Fort. If my whole life is just saying "Bleh." and playing DF, well, I'm not hurting anyone doing it :>

I'd say the most terrifying part is his urge to hurt people over content he doesn't agree with (and I'd feel a small fraction better about it if he hadn't bundled the show's creators into it.. Its fun to be benignly mad at stuff on the internet ;) ).. Just the effort that'd go into hunting down that person's real name and location, and then paying money to travel wherever they may be, just to commit a crime by attacking them (therefore risking your own freedom) because they made a joke about a TV series on the internet.. A sad 77% of the internet is reserved for criticism and belittling others, so even having daydreams about righting Internet wrongs is pretty extreme..
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alamoes

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Re: Friend with a particular attachment problem. Can anyone relate?
« Reply #9 on: September 28, 2014, 01:29:01 pm »

I knew this could happen.  Ugh.  Let me think on the solutions.  Well, short term, try to relate to him, and give him more to obsess about?  Ugh.  I know that this could happen to me.  Pretty much when I obsess over something, eventually it gets boring, and then I move on.  Seems like this person is not moving on.  This poses a problem.  Hrrm.  Give him something else to obsess over?  But yeah, you should probably have him see a psychiatrist, even though generally they'll just ask whats wrong, and if I know said person as I think I do, he'll simply tell him.  Might make him feel better to talk out his feelings though.  If he starts yelling, try and keep up with him in the conversation.  Generally make him feel as though he is useful to society. 
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Xvareon

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Re: Friend with a particular attachment problem. Can anyone relate?
« Reply #10 on: September 28, 2014, 09:16:48 pm »

Since people are still posting on here about this (thank you all so much, by the way), I guess I should give you all an update.

My friend has now apparently found a reason to live, or so he says, because he found someone online that, quote: "needs" him. He's not used to anyone relying on him at all, but he's said that the feeling was pretty much indescribably good, and he definitely wants to keep trying at it. He's also resolved to take more direct action in his life rather than sit around and mope, although it's not going to be an easy path since he's got a lot of ingrained negativity and pessimism to get past. As for the psychiatrist(s) which people keep mentioning, he already went to one a while back, who diagnosed a "heavy depression with suicidal tendencies." He doesn't want to go to another one, because he's afraid that the most they can do is just give him pills or put him in an insane asylum. Or both. I've brought it up a number of times since then, and he hasn't changed his mind yet. Time will tell if pressure from his friends will lead to him seeking help that way again, but right now, he doesn't seem to think that one could even help him at all, because it wouldn't do anything directly to remove the things within MLP -- especially the fandom -- that hurt him so much. I've been trying to get him to change the way he looks at things, but so far, I haven't had much luck on my own.

At any rate, he realizes he needs to work on that, so he's trying to find solutions, at least. It's definitely an improvement over his previous mindset. Although I still have no idea how long it's going to last; he doesn't exactly have an immaculate track record with this sort of thing. He's not the type to yell or anything, though, and it's usually easy to keep up with him in conversation, especially since he's the type to wait until someone else says something so he can respond to it. Actually being the one to start things doesn't come naturally to him.

Orange Wizard

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Re: Friend with a particular attachment problem. Can anyone relate?
« Reply #11 on: September 29, 2014, 03:17:29 am »

Well, it's a start. You could tell him there's a also whole bunch of people on the Internet who really hope he does well. Assuming that's a good idea.
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martinuzz

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Re: Friend with a particular attachment problem. Can anyone relate?
« Reply #12 on: September 29, 2014, 04:05:05 am »

Let's assume that his pony delirium is indeed caused by a psychosis; studies have shown, that prolongued psychosis actually does physical brain damage. So even though a little progress now is cool and all, don't give up on trying to hint him towards psychiatric help.
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Friendly and polite reminder for optimists: Hope is a finite resource

We can ­disagree and still love each other, ­unless your disagreement is rooted in my oppression and denial of my humanity and right to exist - James Baldwin

http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=73719.msg1830479#msg1830479

Sam Polson

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Re: Friend with a particular attachment problem. Can anyone relate?
« Reply #13 on: September 29, 2014, 07:11:53 pm »

Hi everybody.
Well, I'm that one, who has this attachment. And yes, all of this, or most of the stuff is true. I really treat MLP like a religion and it hurts me really deep when something goes wrong there.
But as for your assuptions about psychosis -- yeah, I've got an official diagnosis, but I'm not dangerous to the others. If I was, I'd have been in an asylum right now.
What I need is a solution. A solution for this problem, with my sharp reactions to idiots, who keep spoiling MLP.
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NullForceOmega

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Re: Friend with a particular attachment problem. Can anyone relate?
« Reply #14 on: September 29, 2014, 09:06:33 pm »

1)  MLP is a television program created by human beings, no level of personal belief will ever alter that basic fact.
2)  MLP for the most part delivers a positive message, and asks it's viewers to act in a positive manner.  So if you wish to follow the principles of the show, by all means, do so.
3)  The human being is not a pleasant organism, members of this species often insult, ridicule, and otherwise attack those that do not fit their specific view of the world.
3)  The human being is also responsible for every positive concept that MLP espouses, and continues to develop with every breath taken.  Without the human being, none of the things that make any portion of life worth living would even exist.

What you need more than anything is a simple reality-check, if you can at least display that you comprehend that your behavior is producing undesirable results, than you must change to achieve the desired result.

I do not personally know you, and I am unable to determine from one post whether or not you fully grasp the simple truths of this matter, but I would hope that you can at least understand that I am typing these things not to hurt you, and that I am posting this out of general concern for a fellow human being.
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