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Author Topic: The terrible artifact topic.  (Read 13520 times)

ComatosePhoenix

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The terrible artifact topic.
« on: July 21, 2014, 08:46:35 am »

New version, new world, new craftsmen who have created masterpieces that nobody wants.

Asizerar Dur Cenath "Flashleader the fists of adventuring" is one such work,

despite its awe inspiring name it is in fact a thong... with spikes...



So post your own glorious failures of crafting, be they a sock encrusted with diamonds or  a well crafted sword labled "The Lover of Kittens" sharing makes everything more !!Fun!!.
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Akura

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Re: The terrible artifact topic.
« Reply #1 on: July 21, 2014, 10:42:38 am »

New version, new world, new craftsmen who have created masterpieces that nobody wants.

Asizerar Dur Cenath "Flashleader the fists of adventuring" is one such work,

despite its awe inspiring name it is in fact a thong... with spikes...

That sounds like something a Legendary Stripper or Legendary Porn Star would wear.
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Quote
They asked me how well I understood theoretical physics. I told them I had a theoretical degree in physics. They said welcome aboard.
... Yes, the hugs are for everyone.  No stabbing, though.  Just hugs.

Iamblichos

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Re: The terrible artifact topic.
« Reply #2 on: July 21, 2014, 12:16:35 pm »

Here's mine:

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I'm new to succession forts in general, yes, but do all forts designed by multiple overseers inevitably degenerate into a body-filled labyrinth of chaos and despair like this? Or is this just a Battlefailed thing?

There isn't much middle ground between killed-by-dragon and never-seen-by-dragon.

qgloafhun

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Re: The terrible artifact topic.
« Reply #3 on: July 21, 2014, 12:18:14 pm »

I got three chalk trumpets in a row with images of each other on them. What in the name of Armok, is my fortress so musically inclined?
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Aristion

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Re: The terrible artifact topic.
« Reply #4 on: July 21, 2014, 05:26:34 pm »

Their done killing stuff to survive, they want a golden age now!
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I kept imagining this guy go "By Armok, not the dead roaches! Oh gods the hamsters oh the dwarfmanity!"
Devotes several hours a day making vampires an endangered species.

TheFlame52

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Re: The terrible artifact topic.
« Reply #5 on: July 21, 2014, 06:01:14 pm »

Demongate had two chalk scepters right after another. The second one was far more valuable, so I like to think he was trying to outdo the first guy.

Bartholomew The Pious

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Re: The terrible artifact topic.
« Reply #6 on: July 21, 2014, 07:45:54 pm »


The cat among us. This item sounds like a sick thing to display at DFRC's (dwarf fraternity recruitment centers) Other than that, I give it no fucks
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I can't quote for squat, but this is very true. Credit to PTTG?? for this insightful comment.
~Haven & Hearth has always been a terrible game with great promise. That promise kind of faded away, and now it's mainly a way for a few dedicated scumbags to annoy the few new people who drift in.~

MeMyselfAndI

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Re: The terrible artifact topic.
« Reply #7 on: July 21, 2014, 07:54:23 pm »



Luckily it was followed by Agsal Nothis, The Pool of Grief, a microcline mechanisms (sic).

Unluckily, I've given up on that save, due to excessively deep soil.



Bartholomew, that's actually a wonderful artifact. Build it in your main meeting hall or dining room!
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Urist McVoyager

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Re: The terrible artifact topic.
« Reply #8 on: July 21, 2014, 09:17:22 pm »

Yeah, that millstone will bring value and happiness to your public space just by being there, so set it up where everyone can admire it. And if you happen to work out the pluming to use it in the dining hall, you can kill two birds with one stone.
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TheFlame52

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Re: The terrible artifact topic.
« Reply #9 on: July 22, 2014, 05:44:33 am »

-native gold millstone-
My imp at Urorurilar mooded and made a native gold millstone, too!

Edmus

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Re: The terrible artifact topic.
« Reply #10 on: July 22, 2014, 07:51:31 am »

I got a wooden toy boat.
Dwarves don't even know what a boat is FFS!
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Getix Kain

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Re: The terrible artifact topic.
« Reply #11 on: July 22, 2014, 08:06:02 am »

Is it just me or artifacts are "more boring" in the new 0.40.x releases?

So far I have 5 artifacts in my fortress (a golden bucket, a couple of pieces of clothing, a cabinet and something-else-not-really-useful-that-I-can't-be-bothered to remember)...

All of them have boring description, boring.. EVERYTHING.
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Edmus

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Re: The terrible artifact topic.
« Reply #12 on: July 22, 2014, 08:20:52 am »

Is it just me or artifacts are "more boring" in the new 0.40.x releases?

So far I have 5 artifacts in my fortress (a golden bucket, a couple of pieces of clothing, a cabinet and something-else-not-really-useful-that-I-can't-be-bothered to remember)...

All of them have boring description, boring.. EVERYTHING.
I've noticed less materials going into each object, but i also got a platinum mace and gemstone throne, so the actual  type of item is still as random as usual.
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94dima94

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Re: The terrible artifact topic.
« Reply #13 on: July 22, 2014, 09:07:16 am »

A wooden toy axe decorated with 3 different types of gems; to get the last one, I had to wait for a LONG time, while the workshop was occupied by the mad dwarf. I eventually had to build another one.

Then, a green glass toy boat decorated with leather and bones (BTW, I almost lost the legendary glassmaker who was trying to build this because I didn't have any animals, I had to assemble a hunting/butchering industry from scratch, and without any useful skill whatsoever, then wait for 15 minutes for any animal, being in a really "calm" biome).

Then, a bauxite ring, decorated with the ONLY iron bar I had, while I was waiting for the armorsmith to build the forge and make a new pick with it, because i lost all the other picks (and miners) in a mining accident.

After that, I was so mad I just opened the gate and let the goblins in.

R.I.P. Channeledmansions, and every asshole who lived there.

EDIT: Forgot to mention it: in case you're wondering, it was in v0.40.02
« Last Edit: July 22, 2014, 09:09:46 am by 94dima94 »
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Iamblichos

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Re: The terrible artifact topic.
« Reply #14 on: July 22, 2014, 09:20:35 am »

Worst was the three headscarves I got two forts ago... that was the one that got lost to merchants who could get stuck in the bathroom door.
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I'm new to succession forts in general, yes, but do all forts designed by multiple overseers inevitably degenerate into a body-filled labyrinth of chaos and despair like this? Or is this just a Battlefailed thing?

There isn't much middle ground between killed-by-dragon and never-seen-by-dragon.
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