Point my cyborg lizard at the guardian
Shoot it.
Point snail shell at guardian.
Redshirt jumps, and grabs the person with the shirt closest to the color yellow, using them as a shield.
[Initiative! Barry: 1, Starn: 3, John: 5, Redshirt: 4, Guardian: 6+1]
[Guardian vs. Redshirt: 6+1 vs. 3]
As the men assembled start to react, the Guardian, moving quite incredibly fast, almost even faster than the naked eye can see, swipes with its glowing sword, and off comes one of Redshirt's legs, cauterizing the stump with the slice, and making Redshirt yell in pain as he hops to find some human shields. John, meanwhile, raises the snail shell's opening toward the Guardian, and the inside of the thing rumbles violently.
[? vs. Guardian: 3+2 vs. 3+1]
A morass of tentacles, causing John to realize that he's been calling what is obviously a nautilus shell a snail shell the entire time and nearly facepalm as a result, emerges rapidly, its razor-sharp tentacles performing swipes from thirteen different directions at the Guardian, who receives a few small cuts, but dodges most of the assault.
[Comrade Yellowness Rolls! Barry: 2, Starn: 5, John: 3]
Realizing that Starn is by a wide margin the most yellow-shirted of his comrades, Redshirt hops over to hide behind him rather than the others, despite John's very impressive snail shell. But Starn has not shown off his gun yet, Redshirt realizes. Time for that to change.
[Starn's shooting roll: 4]
[Guardian's bullet-dodging roll: 4-
1]
Redshirt watches and watches, but nothing seems to happen. What is he even looking at? Why is he missing one of his legs? What happened?
Barry, pointing his lizard at the conspicuous absence of anything at all, the lizard courteously puffing out its cybernetically-enhanced spikes, wonders why people were so worried. Starn himself is mystified as to why his gun seems to have gone off, and John is obliviously happy about how he still isn't pointing the nautilus shell at his own face.
"EXCELLENT WORK! YOU HAVE SUCCESSFULLY DISPATCHED THE GUARDIAN!" Radix the Omniscient says inexplicably. What guardian?
"THE PATH AHEAD IS CLEAR IF YOU WISH TO EXPLORE IT, OR YOU MAY REMAIN HERE AND PARTAKE IN FLESHY PLEASURES AVAILABLE! ANSWERS TO QUESTIONS RELATING TO SAID FLESHY PLEASURES MAY OR MAY NOT BE PROVIDED! EXIT WILL REMAIN OPEN INDEFINITELY!"A green circular hole opens up in space at the edge of the spinning gyroscope, rotating around the room.
((Stalling while I think of crappy story ideas))
Stargazer examines the pods in the room in greater detail.
The pods are two in number, linked with one another, and a helpful pictogram above them illustrates that a single person must occupy each pod according to standard operating procedure. Between the two pods there seems to be a black, immovable cube, and you are unsure about what that's supposed to be.
Knuser attempted the first story. " On 1511567.113.119033, the MILLER-PIKLO DEVICE became insane after the owner brought in a COFFEE MACHINE, so it practiced KITTEN SWINGING on it and destroyed it, becoming the favorite device of the household, after first killing them with its mad style"
The head coughs nonchalantly, and something rolls out of its mouth. It appears to be something wrapped in a piece of paper.