Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Yoink]

No idea if this image link will work, 'cause Imgur isn't letting me upload anything, but...

Spoiler: Someone posted this in a group I'm in on Facebook. (click to show/hide)

   

[Yoink]

Listening to Neil Young's Heart of Gold for the first time thanks to a Youtube recommendation, and according to Wikipedia Bob Dylan was mad that it sounded like him.
Like, lmao cunt, this dude can actually sing, you need to lay off the gear if you think that sounds anything like your tuneless, squawking ass. 

[Yoink]

I'm gonna triple-post. Just try and stop me.

Earlier I got a sponsored Facebook for a 'discipleship training school' of all things, telling me to follow Jesus. My response was "I hope he's a better navigator than Moses..."

They still haven't deleted my comment. I thought they did, but it turns out I was actually seeing yet another of their ads that had popped up in my Newsfeed. Also one for a Christian dating site! Weird! Well, at least it's a marked improvement from Menulog ads and their pictures of dead animals...



In other Laughs, earlier I discovered Jon Breaks Bad News, a newly-established business venture based on Facebook in which Jon from Jon Breaks Bad News breaks bad news to people for people who would rather not break the bad news to them themselves.
It makes for some pretty brilliant viewing. Highly recommended. He breaks bad news via phonecall, messenger, possibly even in person in some cases but unless your target happens to live somewhere nearby I imagine you'd have to pay for travel expenses.

Also I think he's doing pro bono work at the moment to promote his business, so get on it!

[itisnotlogical]

Dungeon Master is a game in which the cursor is a hand, one of the characters is a nazgul, and you feed your party by dropping food onto a little mouth icon.

I cannot banish the image of gently hand-feeding a nazgul fried chicken, corn on the cob, and entire wheels of cheese.

[hector13]

GULP

[Kagus]

"Onion Ring to rule them all, Onion Ring to find them,
Onion Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them"

[Dunamisdeos]

The elves only got three onion rings and they demand a refund.

[Frumple]

One of the low rating reviews for some book called the cerulean included the line, "DISHONOR ON U AND UR COW". It was good for a laugh.

E:

“My fellow student, I am called Zheng Dongming. You can call me Junior Zheng. You can also call me Big Dong, but never in a million years can you call me Small Ming.

translation is the gift that keeps on giving

E2:

However, while I was enjoying the food with the Art of the Swallowing Whale, she talked with Master Sand Scorpion about a lot of stuff that was incomprehensible for me.

At first, she asked Master Sand Scorpion about his personal life, whether or not he had a girlfriend and whatnot.

Master Sand Scorpion said that he did not have a girlfriend. Sister Long looked quite happy.

But then, Master Sand Scorpion added that he had a fiancé who was waiting for him in his hometown. Sister Long immediately frowned and drank her wine silently.

That was the part where their dialogue turned weird.

Master Sand Scorpion was having beef noodles, but Sister Long chopped a lobster and dropped it to Master Sand Scorpion’s bowl. She said, “There are a lot of delicious foods in the world. One can always have some lobster even if they love beef noodles.”

But Master Sand Scorpion simply replied that his stomach was small, and a bowl of beef noodles was enough to keep it full for a long time.

What the heck was he talking about?

His stomach is much larger than mine. I’ve seen in person that he swallowed twenty bowls of beef noodles without breaking a sweat.

Besides, he never refused lobsters and crabs, either!

Sister Long poured wine for him and asked why he could not have a lobster when he seemed so hungry.

Master Sand Scorpion replied that it was not a matter of his appetite. Beef noodles were delicious, and lobsters were delicious, too. But if the two foods were combined, their flavors would affect each other. Both the beef noodles and the lobster would be ruined. He would feel sorry for his stomach.

Sister Long was even more disappointed and kept drinking.

She did not dissolve the alcohol with her spiritual energy even though she is a Cultivator. When she was half drunk, she said, “Your fiancé is in your hometown. Are you never lonely?”

Then, Master Sand Scorpion said the most sophisticated, incomprehensible sentence of the night.

He opened his hands, his palms facing the ceiling, while he looked Sister Long in the eye and said solemnly, “As you can see, I’m a very awesome refiner.

“All my expertise is based on my hands.

“There are 34,482 muscles on my hands in total, 78% of which have been repetitively trained by me.

“These two hands are much more agile than any organ on your body. They can do whatever I want them to.

“These two hands can do whatever you can do.

“But you may not be able to do what these two hands can.”

After hearing his words, Sister Long’s face turned from red to pale, from pale to green, and from green to purple, as if she had been seriously wounded and was about to vomit blood. She left the table and ran away quickly.

Sister Long has always been smart and elegant. I’d never seen her so agitated before.

I asked what Master Sand Scorpion meant by his final words while attacking a drumstick.

But Master Sand Scorpion only smiled and did not give an answer.

Later, I went to Sister Long. She was weeping in her dormitory.

I comforted her for a long time, and she finally stopped crying.

Then, I asked her the same question. Why was she compared to a pair of hands?

Sister Long started weeping again, her tears flooding out like a broken dam.

This time, there was absolutely no way that I could stop her from crying.

[GiglameshDespair]

The betrayal

[Dunamisdeos]

The betrayal

I snorted sprite up into my goddam sinuses mid-drink you monster

[Iduno]

The betrayal

I snorted sprite up into my goddam sinuses mid-drink you monster

I'm fairly certain you aren't supposed to snort Monster.

[Dunamisdeos]

The betrayal

I snorted sprite up into my goddam sinuses mid-drink you monster

I'm fairly certain you aren't supposed to snort Monster.

I checked with my sinuses and they confirm that I'm doing beverages wrong.

[Yoink]

I am twenty-six years old, well beyond the "mindless rebellion against parents" stage, but it is still bloody hilarious that my mother acts so offended by the tattoos I have finally begun to acquire this late in life.

[TD1]

Boys oh my mother make me dig my own grave then push me into it if I got a tattoo.

[wierd]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tcUB-3lud60

Play that funky music ramstein!