I finally saw Cats. While some of the reviews I've read had a tiny bit of hyperbole, it was still a strongly cursed film and I'm glad I got to see it on the big screen. I couldn't tell if I was seeing the old cut or the new one though, because all the cats had mostly human hands, and Judi Dench cat could just be wearing rings normally. Regardless of which cut, there were still some big damn seams in the effects. A lot of characters seemed to be sliding over the ground, shadows seemed to disappear between shots, hands and feet floated and slid around on top of wrists and ankles, etc.
Funny how made-up words like "jellicle" lose their whimsical charm real goddamn quick when they're said dozens of times over an almost-two-hour movie about gross cat people, as opposed to a live musical or short poem.
Also it has several shakycam shots despite it being a goddamn musical for children. Shakycam is so popular and so misused in cinema that I'm surprised the camera tripod industry hasn't gone bankrupt.
I could have sworn that one of the main male cats was played by Orlando Bloom; he had a strong resemblance to Legolas, but Bloom was nowhere in the cast. I never caught this character's name, but I don't really care anyway.
I have to say that, in spite of the film they appeared in and in spite of a few numbers that sounded like they came out of a dying SoundBlaster 16, I really liked the music. The song about the Siamese twins was really catchy, and Taylor Swift's song was a lot of fun too. It's just a shame that by the time those came around, I had checked out of the film and was looking up trivia on my phone. (Everybody else was there to roast the movie too, it was all gravy.)