Felsite 30, 101
"I suppose we should congratulate you on your bold tactics?"
I sat there in silence, deep in thought.
"Bold, as in kobold. It's a pun. Because, you see, kobolds like to -"
"Yes, yes, I got it the first time." I stood up. "However, we are NOT kobolds. It is not our way to throw away the lives of our brave citizens by swarming the enemy like ants."
"Even so, I thought you performed surprisingly well, given the circumstances and the fact that we were not in any way prepared for a goblin attack at the time -"
"WHY WERE WE NOT PREPARED?" I shouted at Palu, making him jump in surprise. "I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO BE IN CHARGE OF THE TRAPS?"
"In all fairness, sir, they came through the recently made back entrance, rather than the front -"
"And is the front entrance properly trapped?"
"Well, no, but the elves were-"
"FORGET THE ELVES! By the gods of inspiration, how could we... never mind," I relented, calming down. "What's done is done. The important thing is that this kind of thing doesn't happen again. How many did we lose?"
"Three gnomes and two forest spider hatchlings," muttered Meph. "We killed four goblins and a pair of succubi that were sneaking in at the time."
"I see. But let's not forget the aftermath. Three children have gone raving mad, one is in depression, and then there's Daggrinbum, who went berserk in the barracks - "
"Not to worry, I chopped the little freak into - "
"Yes, we all saw, Meph - not to mention five gnomes hospitalized, and who-knows-how-many miserable and likely to snap at any moment. Point is, we can't take another attack like this. And you can be sure the goblins will be back, and in greater numbers."
I sat down and folded my hands, eyes closed. I didn't ask for any of this.
But someone has to be the leader. And they chose me.
"Palu. I want you to set up cage traps all along the front corridor. Doc, set that machine to start pumping out cages, I want enough to hold a small army of prisoners. Meph, find the best fighters who proved their mettle in the battle and start training them - maybe go look for that hooligan that bit that goblin's hand clean off, that was pretty brutal. Stras, get the caimans Arcvasti, Casey and Bubbles outside to guard the front door. No, wait, first armor them in dire lion bones, then put them outside. Also, see if you can do something about training that mammoth. As for the rest of you, we're going to need to make some new weapons and armor, so miners, start looking for metal and see if you can find a good smith among the latest migrants. We could also use a good cook to cheer up those who lost friends or relatives in the fight. Any questions?"
Silence. "Cage traps? But they take the fun out of everything! You want to kill goblins, I can make weapons that -"
"Palu, after you've set up a corridor full of cage traps, then you can start making those superweapons you've been talking about so much."
I stood up and walked out. "This is not going to happen again."