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Author Topic: The Great Dwarven Laws  (Read 4455 times)

Baffler

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Re: The Great Dwarven Laws
« Reply #15 on: April 19, 2014, 10:07:18 am »

Okon's Razor: Among several competing threats to the fortress, the most easily dealt with is most likely to cause real damage.
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Quote from: Helgoland
Even if you found a suitable opening, I doubt it would prove all too satisfying. And it might leave some nasty wounds, depending on the moral high ground's geology.
Location subject to periodic change.
Baffler likes silver, walnut trees, the color green, tanzanite, and dogs for their loyalty. When possible he prefers to consume beef, iced tea, and cornbread. He absolutely detests ticks.

TheDarkStar

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Re: The Great Dwarven Laws
« Reply #16 on: April 19, 2014, 09:32:44 pm »

The Law above all Laws: Losing is fun.
Corollary to the Above Law: If you don't lose at some point, you never had fun.

The Law of Death by Framerate Loss: lim (framerate) = 0
                                                      x -> infinity
                                                   Where x = items + deaths + fortress size

The Law of Megaprojects: lim (FUN) = infinity
                                     y -> infinity
                               Where y = Megaproject size * Amount of magma used

The Law of Lethality: Everything is lethal. Especially the pants.

The Law of Levers: lim (likelihood of a lever getting pulled) = 1
                            degree of damage to a dwarf or to a world -> infinity

Corollary to the Law of Levers #1: Noble-executing devices will always be pulled.
Corollary to the Law of Levers #2: Devices to flood (with water or lava) or cave in large amounts of the map will always be pulled.

The Law of Migrants: The only way to stop migrants is to kill them.
Corollary to the Above Law: Migrants can come from dead civilizations and races.
« Last Edit: April 19, 2014, 09:59:07 pm by TheDarkStar »
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Don't die; it's bad for your health!

it happened it happened it happen im so hyped to actually get attacked now

Frostea

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Re: The Great Dwarven Laws
« Reply #17 on: April 19, 2014, 09:59:27 pm »

The Surgeon's Oath: All doctors are to conform to OSHA safety practices before they are allowed to attend to patients. To prevent work exhaustion, a patient only may be seen after a year's worth of holiday in the dining hall. When working, they must keep themselves hydrated with ale and fed with roasts of the highest quality. If this means that they need to stop the surgery at the expense of the patient's health, they should do so with extreme prejudice.
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Robsoie

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Re: The Great Dwarven Laws
« Reply #18 on: April 20, 2014, 05:49:09 am »

Edict of Walling

article 0 : you will order the dwarves to build a wall with no opening to protect your fort entrance
article 1 : the dwarves that will complete the task will do from outside the wall and will be stuck there
article 2 : you will set a wall tile for deconstruction to save your unfortunate dwarves
article 3 : a goblin invasion will happen just after the dwarves removed a wall tile
article 4 : you will prepare to start a new fortress
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SmileyMan

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Re: The Great Dwarven Laws
« Reply #19 on: April 20, 2014, 06:06:46 am »

The Cheesemaker's Law: No matter how well you set up food & drink production, military, militia and  accommodation blocks, the first wave of immigrants will always be slightly too many for you to handle, and none of them will have useful skills.
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In a fat-fingered moment while setting up another military squad I accidentally created a captain of the guard rather than a militia captain.  His squad of near-legendary hammerdwarves equipped with high quality silver hammers then took it upon themselves to dispense justice to all the mandate breakers in the fortress.  It was quite messy.

Verdant_Squire

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Re: The Great Dwarven Laws
« Reply #20 on: April 20, 2014, 09:40:55 am »

Craftman's Law: One unit of any material will always provide the exact amount of material required to create an item, and no more.
« Last Edit: April 20, 2014, 09:43:05 am by Verdant_Squire »
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catpaw

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Re: The Law of importance
« Reply #21 on: April 20, 2014, 11:51:28 am »

A dwarf with an "(un)important" task shall not take this task serious enough to abort attending a party, which spawns over several weeks.

And then get a few week full of sleep!

Then spend another week or two drinking!

Such tasks of non-importance are:
* a broker that is requested to a caravan, especially if said caravan carries a tamed couple of tiercel peregrines of opposite sex.
* a mason requested to build a wall that completes the fortress defense.
* a mechanic requested to link a lever to the bridge to close off a dangerous cavern.
* a butcher requested to butcher some animal, so another dwarf with a strange mood does not get mad.
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Henny

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Re: The Great Dwarven Laws
« Reply #22 on: April 20, 2014, 11:59:30 am »

Pareto principle: 20% of the dwarves account for 80% of production.

Pareto Collary #1: The other 80% of your dwarves are of dubious value.

Pareto Collary #2: The 20% are the most likely to die.
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Grey langurs came over to steal something, only to be overcome by terror when they realized that they were stealing +grey langur bone gauntlets+.

Zale

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Re: The Great Dwarven Laws
« Reply #23 on: April 20, 2014, 10:20:27 pm »

Thou shall not covet thy neighbors sock, unless thine neighbor passes. Then thou shall covet thine new sock.
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Loud Whispers

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Re: The Great Dwarven Laws
« Reply #24 on: April 21, 2014, 01:55:10 pm »

Dwarven law of thermodynamics: the temperature of magma will remain constant unless water acts upon it.

Dwarf4Explosives

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Re: The Great Dwarven Laws
« Reply #25 on: April 22, 2014, 01:04:48 pm »

Law of Cats: Cats will, if left unchecked, duplicate at a far faster rate than they decay.

Also:
Law of selective intangibility: Ghosts can attack and kill you, but you cannot kill ghosts.
Ehmm, ghosts can* be killed, but only if the person that's attacking them is either:
a) a badass
b) in a fell mood.

This has been your addendum to the Law of Selective Intangibility.

*As mentioned by TheDarkStar.
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And yet another bit of proof that RNG is toying with us. We do 1984, it does animal farm
...why do your hydras have two more heads than mine? 
Does that mean male hydras... oh god dammit.

MDFification

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Re: The Great Dwarven Laws
« Reply #26 on: April 22, 2014, 01:47:32 pm »

Law of Liberation of Mass: Matter can be freely generated through certain practices, such as repeated melting/reforging of metals. It is speculated that a 'Law of Conservation of Mass' does in fact exist, and that the matter generated is of equal mass to that of the matter disappearing under the world's drawbridges, but this is widely regarded as a fringe theory. Matter can be created and destroyed by dwarves.
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Gnorm

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Re: The Great Dwarven Laws
« Reply #27 on: April 22, 2014, 05:24:20 pm »

Urist's Bolt Principle: "Bolts on the ground tend to stay on the ground."
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And we were this close to yet another victim of Gnorm, the Overseer Killer.

TheDarkStar

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Re: The Great Dwarven Laws
« Reply #28 on: April 22, 2014, 09:41:45 pm »

The First Law of FUN: lim FUN = infinity
                               time -> infinity

The Second Law of FUN: lim FUN = infinity
                                   x -> infinity
                                   where x is |amount above or below normal efforts to avoid FUN|

The Third Law of FUN: lim FUN = infinity
                                y -> infinity
                                where y is the number of things that can go wrong
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Don't die; it's bad for your health!

it happened it happened it happen im so hyped to actually get attacked now

Noel.se

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Re: The Great Dwarven Laws
« Reply #29 on: April 23, 2014, 09:14:02 am »

The Law of Dust Spread: If someting walks over deadly dust, the amount of dust will increase. Related to the Law of Liberation of Mass (see below).
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