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[Monk321654]

In the place we shall write down all the laws that apply to the world of Dwarf Fortress, whether we'd like them to or not.

Example:
Sturgeons Law: 90% of fish will murder you before you can blink. The other 10% will do the same.
Law of Destruction Courtesy: Any destructive entity will wait for a door to be fully closed before attempting to destroy it.

Go!

[Melting Sky]

The Law of Socks: A dwarf's perception of the value of a desired item is inversely proportional to how safely and easily said item can be retrieved.

[Witty]

The Law of Constructions: The simple act of building a long line of walls will always result in intense confusion, job cancellation, workers getting stuck in seemingly impossible areas and in some cases, death.

[Playergamer]

Closet's Law: The splendor of a bedroom must be proportionate not to the persons value to the fort, but whether they were randomly chosen for a meaningless position.

[Baffler]

The Law of Linear Distances: A Dwarf will regard an item on the same relative horizontal coordinate as closer, regardless of absolute vertical position and the horizontal distance required to reach the appropriate staircase.

[Beast Tamer]

The Law of Military Totality: Either a dwarven military will be totally decimated against an enemy, or the one doing the decimating.

[Roostre]

Bomrek's Water Propulsion Paradox dictates that a water-wheel-powered screw pump will feed water back to the wheel, which powers the screw pump, which feeds water back to the wheel, which powers the screw pump, which feeds water back to the wheel, which...

[PDF urist master]

Law of structural integrity: Cave-in are guaranteed to kill, unless the creature underneath is spectral

Law of selective intangibility: Ghosts can attack and kill you, but you cannot kill ghosts.

[Melting Sky]

The Law of Dubious Marksmanship: When that fateful moment comes that a marksdwarf runs out of ammo, rather than walk a few paces to retrieve fresh bolts from the stockpile he is standing next to, he will instead charge like a raging beast directly into the enemy lines regardless of the distance he must traverse to do so. 

[Melting Sky]

The Law of Maternal Shielding: Rather than leave her newborn baby with her husband or even the the relative safety of the fortress floor, a female dwarven soldier will always carry her infant directly into battle and use the unfortunate baby as living armor.

[Melting Sky]

The Law of the Ubiquitous Threat: Do you see that unholy elder God that just wandered onto your map? The one that's made of living steel and spews instant flesh rotting deadly dust? Well there is no need to worry about it because one of your idiot miners just accidentally nicked the magma chamber that runs up the side of your main stairway and the fortress is destined to die a fiery molten death before the eldrich abomination can even reach it.

This Law states that more often than not, it isn't some fire breathing monstrosity, immortal necromancer's army or other monumental adversity that will bring your fort to its knees but rather some minor unforeseen hazard of every day living. This law also applies to adventurers.

[WanderingKid]

Law of Annoyed Neighbors: No matter if it's a necromancer who's sat in a tower for hundreds of years happily keeping to themselves, the diplomat of a nearby land who dies to said necromancer instead of anything you've done, or if traders die due to goblin sieges, you are responsible for their aggravation and must be punished.

Children's Positional Law: If a child can stand in a horrible place (such as over a drop chute) while the parent they're following is about to perform an action (such as pull a lever to open a drop chute), the child will stand there.

Children's Positional Addendum: If a single wide corridor is holding up pathing for dwarves, the mother with the largest brood trail will always take a job on the opposite side of the corridor.

Magma's Law: Magma has the right of way.

Flood's Law: Flowing water has the right of way, unless Magma is flowing.

Necromancer's Law: 400 years in a swamp writing books and keeping to yourself is no excuse when noisy dwarven neighbors arrive, move underground, and are never heard from again.  All trainees and available corpses must be sent to constantly harass said neighbors, on penalty of death.

[Monk321654]

Siege Safety Compliance Law: All siege engine operators must immediately retreat from any sort of threat, even if that threat a small land rodent, which is across a chasm, on the other side of a fortification, and said siege engine operators are, in fact, operating a titanic machine of death and chaos.

[neblime]

Catten's bridge null energy law:
Matter cannot be destroyed, unless it exists under a bridge.

[TheDarkStar]

The Law of Moods: Anything can happen during a strange mood, even surviving indefinitely or killing ghosts.