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[Euld]

My boyfriend and I had a talk... apparently I don't show strong emotions at all.  Good or bad.  And he said it tends to distress him a lot.  He on the other hand, is an extremely expressive person.  Sometimes he surprises me with what he gets passionate about.

I can definitely say I was emotionally abused throughout my life by my mother, I know that much.  Makes sense that I wouldn't be able to feel a lot of strong emotion.  But now it's starting to screw with my relationship with my boyfriend.

My boyfriend has made me happier than anything else in my life so far.  Up until we met, I felt like I was in a constant state of depression that could never figure itself out.  Now I feel... balanced.  Like I'm actually sorted out.  My boyfriend said he wants to make me happy.  He's already done that.  Maybe he wants to make me happier?  That could be a good thing I suppose @_@

[XXSockXX]

Would you say that you don't feel strong emotions or more that you do not express them as strongly as other people?

The latter thing is something I tend to do too, people who don't know me well can have a hard time to tell whether I'm bored or excited. That is something you can work on though, there are probably ways to communicate what you feel without feeling like you're "acting".

Not actually feeling strong emotions is a symptom of some forms of depression, likely a deeper issue. Still if your boyfriend makes you feel happy, just tell him that. Seems not like something that should likely screw up your relationship, more like a communication issue.

[Shakerag]

Does said boyfriend know about your history?  If not, maybe talking about that would help with some understanding. 

[Canisaur]

I used to have that problem (to a greater extent than I still do).  My girlfriend in high school told me the same thing ("you never show any emotion").  For a while I had to remind myself to smile/frown/[insert appropriate expression here] when things happened, and it did feel like I was "acting".

But I found after a while, being more expressive came more naturally.  It was sort of like a habit: after doing it consciously for a while, I was doing it unconsciously.

[Eagleon]

Everyone's sort of different for this. There are all sorts of cultural norms for how expressive it's ok to be. Babies aren't even born knowing how to smile. And because of that, it's bizarre to even assign a metric to someone else to how strongly they feel an emotion. If you think your emotions aren't very strong, that's one thing, but if up until this relationship it had never occurred to you to question that, and you have a normal life otherwise, it's not some symptom, it's just a part of your personality.

I'm not saying you shouldn't try to be more expressive to make your boyfriend happier, but don't psychoanalyze yourself into a corner over this.

[kaijyuu]

You just need to tell him that you are happy, but have a different way of expressing it than he does.


I used to have the opposite problem with my wife. She's always extremely expressive around me, including about things like frustration. She'd punch pillows and curl into a ball, and two minutes later be completely back to normal. This tended to freak me out. Eventually I got more used to it and she mellowed out a bit, and the problem's pretty much solved.

[Bouchart]

Use cartoon signs to convey emotions.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

[lordcooper]

There's nothing wrong with being introverted.

[freeformschooler]

There's nothing wrong with being introverted.

Introverted!=non-expressive.

[LeoLeonardoIII]

Non-expressive!=non-feeling

[freeformschooler]

Non-expressive!=non-feeling

Euld specific stated the problem was with expression, not feeling. Remember to read carefully.

apparently I don't show strong emotions at all.  Good or bad.  And he said it tends to distress him a lot.  He on the other hand, is an extremely expressive person.

Introversion does not imply failure to feel, failure to express does not imply failure to feel, and failure to express does not imply introversion.

This is clearly a problem on the boyfriend's part here. A lot of people are not outwardly expressive about their passions. Even more only express what they're passionate about in a specific context. However, expression can be practiced if necessary. It's not necessarily purely innate.

[Pnx]

There's definitely a lot of us in that whole lack of emotional expression boat. The thing to keep in mind, I find, is a neutral expression with no movement on the face is basically a standard universal signal for "I am really upset/angry". So when you go about with a neutral expression they tend to think you're in a bad mood in some way. I find that even little bits of movement on the face go a long way to mitigate that effect.

I usually move my eyebrows around a lot, trying to look thoughtful, or that sort of thing, or I tweak the sides of my mouth. It can seriously help a lot to mitigate the whole "I am upset" vibe that a neutral expression brings.

As for your boyfriend... I'm a strong proponent of clear communication about these sorts of things. If you haven't already, explaining this stuff to him, and just telling him that he basically makes you happier than you've ever been, even if it doesn't show. Trying small signs of affection every now and again to show he's appreciated may also help you out... I don't know how comfortable you are with that stuff though.

[Gunner-Chan]

My wife is actually a lot like this, and it used to confuse me too when we first started seeing each-other seriously. Outside of when she's feeling whatever very, very strongly she's pretty much completely non-emotive. (I will say, this made sex... Awkward the first uh. Dozen or so times.)

There's nothing particularly wrong with it. Just so long as both parties come to understand it. I wouldn't "Fake" it if it makes you uncomfortable though, that will just cause more harm than good.