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[Yoink]

Now that Grate has grasped the art of war, teach him to play Dwarf Fortress. In ASCII. Without Dwarf Therapist. That should train his Determinational skill like crazy.

>Okay, but let's at least give him a tileset with like teddy bears and shit. Yeah, teddy bear fortress. Kids like teddy bears, right?
Elves can be happy smiling piñatas filled with toys and candy.

[superBlast]

Now that Grate has grasped the art of war, teach him to play Dwarf Fortress. In ASCII. Without Dwarf Therapist. That should train his Determinational skill like crazy.

>Okay, but let's at least give him a tileset with like teddy bears and shit. Yeah, teddy bear fortress. Kids like teddy bears, right?
Elves can be happy smiling piñatas filled with toys and candy.

+1 everything except the tileset. ASC... whatever is better since tilesets are for the hard to figure stuff out without a proper visual aid challenged!

[Toaster]

>Feed the child a single slice of toasted bread.

>Then shoot the toaster with a high-calibre bullet.

This will teach Grate the fleeting nature of all that is good.

...

No.

[Dorsidwarf]

>Feed the child a single slice of toasted bread.

>Then shoot the toaster with a high-calibre bullet.

This will teach Grate the fleeting nature of all that is good.

...

No.

.oN

...

[piecewise]

OH

WAIT A SECOND

GRATE IS NOW 3!

WOOO THIRD BIRTHDAY GRATE!


Doesn't really matter much, I just remembered.

[Tsuchigumo550]

DF, but with cutesy tileset. Possibly even modify the nouns, so that blood is candy or whatever.
Go with it guys. Later, we can switch it to normal Dwarf Fortress with a normal tileset or ASCII for added "oh my god" appeal

[WhitiusOpus]

((FUCK guys, come ON you don't get it yet! WE NEED TO INCREASE HIS STATS))

Send Grate to toddler Boot Camp to increase his Survivoulous

or

Take Grate to Vegas so he can count cards and flirt with the ladies to increase Businessness and Dappertude

or

Take Grate to a theological debate to increase his Cynicism

[superBlast]

So you're saying that playing DF until your fingers bleed... him.... I wanna add that to my +1.... anyays, you're saying that it has no stat increasing potential?

[WhitiusOpus]

Yes. Yes I am.

You really think this:

Now that Grate has grasped the art of war, teach him to play Dwarf Fortress. In ASCII. Without Dwarf Therapist. That should train his Determinational skill like crazy.

>Okay, but let's at least give him a tileset with like teddy bears and shit. Yeah, teddy bear fortress. Kids like teddy bears, right?
Elves can be happy smiling piñatas filled with toys and candy.

+1 everything except the tileset. ASC... whatever is better since tilesets are for the hard to figure stuff out without a proper visual aid challenged!

Will increase his stats? determinational, maybe. But otherwise, what if he likes it?

[Parisbre56]

There are hidden stats too.

[superBlast]

Hm... then make him go crab fishing in Alaska! Guaranteed to increase determentrial and maybe other stuff... since no totally sane person enjoys doing that.

[syvarris]

Grate only has a weak baby body at this point.  While physical damage might raise survivalous or whatever, it might also permanently stunt him.  What sort of badass conquerer ninja has a limp?

Once he actually has grown up a bit, and has decent coordination and everything, then we can make him a master of every martial art and weapon*.

For now, let's make him a mad scientist too. Continue with the books.  But instead of military tactics and history, get him books primarily about military materiél.  Focus on teaching him the design of the weapons, and what things improve them.

If we do this, his armies will have advanced and powerful weapons.

*When we do start with gun training, we probably shouldn't hold any guns ourselves; considering that our idea of playing wargames is apparently 'throw toy soldiers at his face', we'd probably just shoot him.

[Furtuka]

How should we go about increasing his Dappertude? Behaps we should get his eyes examined and if he requires and aids we shall purchase a monocle.

Alternatively we throw him in a golf course for a week. Even if it doesn't make him more dapper it shall increase his Survivalousness!

[piecewise]

When are we going to teach our son the true American pastime of Pigskin Gridiron? Of course, he doesn't have to learn football and instead can be one of those chess-Playin' pinko redcoat bastards.

Pigskin Gridiron?

You mean HANDEGG

LOOKS LIKE GRATE GETS TO PLAY DF. Clearly the best game for a small, easily confused child.

You set Grate up in front of the computer and get him the most up to date version of df. You can't quite decide between a tile set or ascii, so you just change the tile set so that every tile is the one that would normally be for bear. Because Kids love bears.

...

NOT ONLY DOES GRATE LEARN HOW TO PLAY DF- BEAROSPHERE EDITION, BUT HE BEATS THE GAME, UPDATES IT TO VERSION 1.0 AND THEN USES THE LEGENDS MODE TO WRITE THE NEXT GREAT FANTASY NOVEL. THATS PRETTY RAD, BRO.

Dappertude:0
Cynicismish:5
Businessness:2
Determinational:2
Survivalous: 0
Sporties:0
Schooliouses:9

[Xantalos]

Dear god.

Tell Grate to invent AI.