Today I got a message from the person I thought would help with my research. She has decided she doesn't have time for me. So no research. I'll have to make everything up. It makes me surprisingly nervous. It's very easy for me to pour out words when I already know what I'm writing. When I can see the place in my head, discuss the details of it with someone. To make the whole thing up from scratch, that's going to be much more difficult. I'm constantly worried that I'm writing something inaccurate, that I'm making continuity errors, that the people who read it (many of whom live in the area I'll be describing) will say "that's completely wrong" and slam the book shut in anger.
I'm considering taking a day trip to that village on a weekend, just to see it with my own eyes. But then I'll feel strange. My friend grew up there, her parents still live there. What if she happens to be there when I visit? I don't intend to tell her I'm going. She's been very unreliable and has let me down several times and I'd prefer to just take a break from her for now. I feel like I'll be invading her space. She's not a very open person. She might be refusing to help me just because she doesn't want to share anything about her life with me.
It's day 4 and I'm already having massive interference from life issues.
I haven't been feeling good today. I'm afraid I won't have it in me to make my word count, and I know myself: once I miss a single day, I'll allow myself to miss more and more. I have to find a way to pound out the words, even if I just write random nonsense that I can fix up later.