Now, I don't know if I'm still able to, but I've noticed you only have seven players (which is an okay number but anything under ten isn't enough if you ask me), so I've been thinking over the past few days if I should join in and I've decided to do so. If I'm unable to join as a player then just dwarf me.
Dwarf: Moisturizer
Background: Legend holds that this insane dwarf's father was the very essence of love and life, despite being an ogre. Moisturizer, as he/she/it is known (you can't tell the fucking dwarf's gender for Christ's sake) started off as a simple soap maker in the great fortress of Moonmoon. Soap making, however, is not exactly a profitable industry, and therefore many fortresses either give it up after a while or simply skip it altogether. Moonmoon, being located smack-dab in the middle of the fucking desert, could not spare any wood to create ash for use in the making of lye, a vital ingredient in soap. Therefore, Moisturizer took to a more profitable trade: running the circus. Now, when most people think of the circus, they think elephants and lions and pedophiles with silly makeup and large shoes driving three-foot-tall cars. But no.
That wasn't Moisturizer's profession.
Instead, Moisturizer decided to unlock the very gates of Hell, one of Moonmoon's most iconic feats of engineering and dwarven insanity. Moisturizer, doubling up on said insanity, decided that it would be pretty fucking funny if those gates just so happened to become so lubed up with soap that they slid open on their own and let out literally everything hiding down in the glowing pits below.
Moisturizer walked out of the flaming ruins of Moonmoon the sole survivor. Only three days after escaping the fortress, Moisturizer was captured by the royal guard and was administered a severe hammering for treason, insanity, and genocide. The hammerer, however, looked at Moisturizer and noticed something odd. Moisturizer was wearing a hood, and its face was completely invisible. Deciding that Moisturizer should at least have its face revealed during its last few moments, he decided to remove the hood before administering the hammer.
The hammerer, and everyone located in that room, immediately committed suicide.
The militia commander, seeing the gruesome scene within the room, decided to carefully place the hood back on Moisturizer's face after seeing from behind that it was off. Immediately after, a new captain of the guard and hammerer were put into place, and Moisturizer was placed inside of The Pit of Cats, the most brutal non-lethal punishment that could ever be administered to any dwarf, usually only reserved for slavers, liars, and elf sympathizers. After five years of wallowing within the nine million cats crawling over each other within the pit, Moisturizer was reassigned to a new location. Steelhold, they called it. The first penal colony, reminiscent of the colony called Australia created by the humans. However, this place was not one of large spiders that age large snakes which ate people. No, this place was ruled by something altogether more horrifying.
This place was one day going to be ruled by the very dwarf who opened the very gates of Hell.
And that dwarf was going to enjoy that position quite a bit.
Skills: Doesn't matter, assign me to any dwarf (male or female) that has any skill levels in soap making.