ptw this is going to be good until gervassen comes here
Your sole job of invoking my name everywhere is complete, Summoner.
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Okay then, look here, guys... I've stayed in enough hostels and cheap dives in my day to know that you don't ever get ahead as an Innkeeper by being above the board. This apparent commitment to "being on the level" warms my heart, sure, but our arses will freeze without money to pay the heat. To increase our prospects as successful proprietors here, I'm advising that we reconfigure our business model in order to become a proper Thenardier. A Master of the House.
Master of the House, Keeper of the Zoo
Ready to relieve 'em of a coin or two!
Watering the wine, making up the weight,
Pickin' up their knick-knacks when they can't see straight!
Everybody loves the landlord!
Everybody's bosom friend!
I do whatever pleases!
But Jesus! Won't I bleed 'em in the end!
Food beyond compare. Food beyond belief.
Mix it in a mincer and pretend it's beef.
Kidney of a horse, liver of a cat,
Filling up the sausages with this and that.
Residents are more than welcome!
Bridal suite is occupied.
Reasonable charges,
Plus some little extras on the side!
Charge 'em for the lice, extra for the mice,
Two percent for looking in the mirror twice.
Here a little slice, there a little cut,
Three percent for sleeping with the window shut.
When it comes to fixing prices,
There are a lot of tricks he knows.
How it all increases, all them bits and pieces!
Jesus! It's amazing how it grows!
This change of posture would imply many things, of course, but as a good start we might to try out the following new strategies...
FencingWe've been away in the big city and barely remember the local people. We do know more
important people, though. City people. That means we have a social network in a much larger market that we ought to leverage locally. Among local shopkeepers, we have the rather unique ability that we can fence stolen goods that rogue adventurers bring us. Channeled to the big city, they'll never be traced back here. We can even point them to rich targets inside our town for a small bit of coin. It's safer to have Artemis casing joints in town for silver plate, than to send her into monster-replete swamps and caves looking for trash loot.
Rent-a-TwinkWe get a loan and start a rental service bringing comparatively imbalanced weapons from the big city into the newbie starting area, and then renting them on a per-quest basis for those parties that need extra oomf in their arsenals for that one difficult quest, or simply need to speed-level past the starting area. Since we have contacts in the big city, and these "heroes" are a pack of clueless newbs from another land that always pop into our area like suckers, we are uniquely positioned to offer them time-saving deals that obviate the grind.
Sell the nameIf you can't move the product fast enough, then move the name. For example, instead of Stale Bread, we can have Air-Cured Bread Crisps, aged lovingly for two or three days to give them a little extra snap.
High Quality Beef Alternatives, Low OverheadWhy are we buying low-quality ingredients at market prices, when foolhardy lumps of meat are constantly bellying up to our bar and inquiring about dangerous places near our inn? Everybody loves sausage, but don't nobody wanna ask where the sausage is made. That's our cue to make quick cash. I hear some objections already, and I grant you that the average sickly mage with 10 strength will yield but meagre rations, but look now, your average barbarian with 18+ strength is, on the other hand, a walking meat rack with a good 180 lbs of lean body mass. We tell a big hulking barbarian that the swamp is filled with low level slimes, and we collect him after the bogfiend reduces him to minced beef. Simple and easy, just the way profit ought to be.
Feel free to disagree, guys, but fame and fortune aren't going to come by honest means in this business.
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Topic: Innkeeper (Back in business!) (Read 9426 times)