Turn One: Really, what did you expect?
Your Mundane Rules Don't Concern the Illustrious Joe Bridger!
You want to fight, you poor excuse for a cripple? It's a duel!
Joe Bridger lunges at Arthur with a vicious flame punch toward his legs!
((I already have the turn written up and can't fit three of your actions in it - especially if they're posted as I'm writing - so from now on, I'm going to ask that you guys only make one post with actions in it. This turn I included all actions that were posted before I started writing, but next time, I won't.))
I don't think ye have, BOI! With ye hide n' seek and chicken-money where noone don't do no work, boi, you ain't a MAAAAAAN!"
Arthur proceedingly punctuates this by putting his cane through the table.
Wouldn't know. I've never been dead before. My uncle was once dead. He got impaled by a sunbeam while looking for rainbows and died. He got better, though. Told me death tasted like chicken. Do you think if we give this paladin guy some chicken, we can collect the payment?
In the previous post, Joe attempted to use his social skills to get himself a free drink.
... Joe Bridger, in the middle of his rant, casts Summon Waitress. An older woman - you know, not young but a ripe age - swings over from the Table Full of Ravenous Orcs to the adventurer's table. Her face is leathery, with enough lipstick that you might not notice.
... She drops a full glass of
Necromonk's Brew in front of him with a knowing wink. Joe also finds something else under the drink.
Item obtained: Necromonk's Brew!
Item obtained: Hairy Hilda's note!
... Sadly (or happily), Joe double checks and realizes there's no cell phone number on the napkin under the drink. That wouldn't even make sense.
Item unobtained: Hairy Hilda's note!
... One of the large, green, ravenous orcs at the orc table gets up from his seat with a clattering sound. Nearby patrons back away as if by instinct. In between ranting crazy, angry things at Arthur, Joe looks over to see what the ruckus is about. As it turns out, the waitress actually gave Joe a drink the orc had ordered and paid for. Uh oh.
Anyway, you youngsters don't know how good you got it. When I was a boy, it was so much harder to get glory n' loot like this! I here, I'm gonna take this here wanted poster's offer! I'm gonna go back, fight this guy, AND RELIVE IT LIKE IT WAS BACK IN MY DAY! I'm gonna get the glory and tha loot! I done it before, I done fought! And I'm gonna do it again!"
Loudly announce my intentions to take the wanted poster's bounty to everyone within earshot.
"Verily!" he shouted, vaguely unsure of what it meant. "We must all band together and persue this dastardly villain in the name of our fair county!"
He slams his hand down upon the table, not showing how painful the multitude of splinters he just revieved were. (Very.) "This man stands against everything I mostly sit for! I ask of thee! Shall all of you join me in", he paused for a second, before turning around and flipping through the book for a second. "JOLLY COOPERATION!" he shouted as he span back around, again slamming his hand down on the table and amplifying the splinter state. A single tear rolled down his face, followed by three or four more.
"Hrrag." He managed.
... One-and-a-half-legs Arthur loudly announces his intention to take up the quest. Several older patrons (perhaps veterans of the Greenish-blue Dragon War of '28) rise very, very slowly from their seats. Others, too, turn to Arthur.
"Finally, someone to rid our land of this FOULE HERETIC!""May death find the Unpaladin!""Oh, gods, my back hurts!"Their thunderous claps echo through the tavern and a bit outside of it, too. Multiple manly tears are shed. If there's one thing old people can do, it's give standing ovations.
... Sadly, no one pays even the least bit of attention to Keddec's similar announcement. He is consumed by loneliness.
Wound acquired: Keddec Hauberkson: Lonely!Alfred patiently waits for the mysterious stranger to come over and introduce himself. Of course he's going to introduce himself; he's a mysterious stranger in a rough and tumble bar with a table full of adventurers. That's just how these things go. Thinking of how these things go prompts Alfred to carefully note the location of the fire exits...
... The only fire exit
Alfred Lichenstein spots is the tavern's fireplace. He examines it intently, taking note of its incredibly flimsy architecture, too-high flames and frighteningly wooden surroundings. It's located
directly next to the dozens upon dozens of barrels of alchohol in and around the lonely bar with the half-sleeping bartender. It would be so unfortunate if the fireplace were to randomly explode at an inconvenient moment such as this.
Alfred notices the fireplace begin to rumble as the
Illustrious Joe Bridger gets up and approaches it.
Joe proceeds to wave his hand through the roaring fire in the fireplace, then waves it wildly about in front of Arthur.
Just as Joe sticks his hand in the roaring fireplace, it
EXPLODES WITH A HERETOFORE UNHEARD-OF STRENGTH, A MASSIVE BURST OF FLAME, AND A CLATTER OF HEAVY STONE AGAINST WOOD! The very foundation of the tavern begins to fall apart. Patrons run around screaming in circles, not entirely sure where the actual exits are! The bartender finally manages to get to sleep, leaving the barrels of ale beside him entirely unbartended! Goodness me oh my.
... Joe is forced away from the fireplace by a burst of stone, flame and horrible things.
Wound acquired: Joe Bridger: On fire!... The orc that was previously fixing to mess Joe up is forced back by a burst of flame!
Wound acquired: Angry Orc: On fire!... The waitress is caught in the fireball! Her hair conditioner catches on fire!
Wound acquired: Hairy Hilda: On fire!Everyone else seems to still be sitting down at their tables and thus not caught in the initial blast. Somehow. Most of the tavern is now on fire, and wooden beams are falling from the ceiling.
Yumkhan looks at the talky man. The talky man made sense, he thought. He made sense in the way many people make sense - with words. At least, he hoped so. And he was talking about money, too. Money was good. You could get many delicious things for money. And more delicious things are always good.
Sadly, he has no money. And there's too many people around to safely eat anyone without any repercussions. Plus, it would be quite ill-mannered of him to just eat things with reckless abandon. People should pay for things they eat. An idea springing into his mind, Yumkhan signals the waitress by violently knocking his club against the floor.
"Waitress! A plate of your finest refuse!"
Ask for plate of refuse, let talky people talk. Keep an eye on dark red non-talky person.
... Yumkhan yells for the waitress, but she's running around the tavern, screaming like a banshee. It appears her hair has caught on fire.
WHO KNEW HAIR CONDITIONER COULD BE SO FLAMMABLE!?The mysterious figure has also disappeared into the flames. Mysteriously.
Name: Keddec Hauberkson
Class: Bloodshaped Paladin
HP: 50/50Wounds: LonelyActives: Bloody Sun Stance,
BloodshapePassives: Sir Bleeds-a-lot,
Has Taken Several Classes in EthicsItems: Unpolished Iron Sword, Paladin Armor
Name: Alfred Lichenstein
Class: Enlightenment Knight
HP: 50/50Wounds: None!
Actives: Back Alley Operation,
Sword Full of SciencePassives: These Calculations Are All Wrong!,
One Point Twenty One JIGAWATTS!?Items: Enlightningment Rod, Almost Wizardly Lab Coat
Name: Joe Bridger
Class: Persuasively Insane
HP: 45/50Wounds: On fire!Actives: Your Mundane Rules Don't Apply to the Illustrious Joe BridgerPassives: Persuasive Babbling,
Unsettling Sights and Sounds,
Sanity-sustaining MonologueItems: 100 gold pieces, Posh Hat, Upperclassman's Clothes,
Necromonk's Brew Name: One-and-a-half-legs Arthur
Class: Leg-a-mancer
HP: 50/50Wounds: None!
Actives: Passives: Striking Resemblance to a War Veteran,
Foot of the North Star,
Damnit, This Always Happens!,
Highly Flammable ProstheticItems: Wooden Cane, Adventurer Clothes
Name: Yumkhan Yambik
Class: Ravenous Barbarian
HP: 50/50Wounds: None!
Actives: EmptyPassives: Stomach of Power,
Bone-lickin' Good,
High Metabolism,
Frightening FigureItems: Uncomfortably Large Club, Peasant Clothes
Poll
2 (14.3%)
Author
Topic: Roll to Be Below-average Adventurers [1.2: I cast "Orphans to Ashes"] (Read 5135 times)