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5/5: All Seanbaby articles ever written at the same time

2 (14.3%)

4/5: Every update induces boisterous chuckles at least once

9 (64.3%)

3/5: Choosing the joke option on polls for no reason

1 (7.1%)

2/5: A nature documentary voiced by that one guy what sounds like Winnie the Pooh

0 (0%)

1/5: Casting a time-slowing spell and watching paint almost dry for all of eternity

0 (0%)

0/5: This games killed my parents and that's just not funny

2 (14.3%)

Total Members Voted: 14

[freeformschooler]

Yep. Harry Baldman, Powder Miner, monk12, Remuthra, and Dermonster are in. Scapheap: sorry, but I was pretty clear about the rules on signups I'll be PMing everyone once I get your sheet stuff written up.

*Reread* That five line rule wasn't there the last time I look.

Am I on the waitlist or do I have to touch up my post?

You also forgot to use proper spelling. You're gonna be writing quite a bit in this game, so I want to make sure players can write

You're on the waitlist.

[Chink]

Spoiler: Waitlist! (click to show/hide)

Name: Falsche Logik
Class: Troll Logician
Details: Falsche is insane. And not just a little bit insane, either. He has that special kind of insanity that's so strong, so powerful, you can't just argue with it. Any attempts to convince him he's wrong fail. Hell, he'll even convince you that he is right, through some, insane, strange, disconnected train of logic. He just has so many pieces of "evidence" that you can't "prove" him wrong. And he's always out hunting for more.

[Remuthra]

Spoiler: Waitlist! (click to show/hide)

Name: Falsche Logik
Class: Troll Logician
Details: Falsche is insane. And not just a little bit insane, either. He has that special kind of insanity that's so strong, so powerful, you can't just argue with it. Any attempts to convince him he's wrong fail. Hell, he'll even convince you that he is right, through some, insane, strange, disconnected train of logic. He just has so many pieces of "evidence" that you can't "prove" him wrong. And he's always out hunting for more.

*Highfive*

[Chink]

Spoiler: Waitlist! (click to show/hide)

Name: Falsche Logik
Class: Troll Logician
Details: Falsche is insane. And not just a little bit insane, either. He has that special kind of insanity that's so strong, so powerful, you can't just argue with it. Any attempts to convince him he's wrong fail. Hell, he'll even convince you that he is right, through some, insane, strange, disconnected train of logic. He just has so many pieces of "evidence" that you can't "prove" him wrong. And he's always out hunting for more.

*Highfive*

[trolllogic]"Highfive? Given that "high" is colloquial term for effect caused by certain on drugs and body chemicals like adrenaline, and also being at a large altitude, and that five is number, I can only conclude that you are currently 3,125 yards above sea level, dangling off a cliff, having consumed four different kinds of "high" inducing drugs, which adds up to a total of five different "high" inducing effects, including the adrenaline that should be being produced by your body."[/trolllogic]
((More seriously, though, congratulations on your equally insane, surprisingly similar character.))

[Remuthra]

Spoiler: Waitlist! (click to show/hide)

Name: Falsche Logik
Class: Troll Logician
Details: Falsche is insane. And not just a little bit insane, either. He has that special kind of insanity that's so strong, so powerful, you can't just argue with it. Any attempts to convince him he's wrong fail. Hell, he'll even convince you that he is right, through some, insane, strange, disconnected train of logic. He just has so many pieces of "evidence" that you can't "prove" him wrong. And he's always out hunting for more.

*Highfive*

[trolllogic]"Highfive? Given that "high" is colloquial term for effect caused by certain on drugs and body chemicals like adrenaline, and also being at a large altitude, and that five is number, I can only conclude that you are currently 3,125 yards above sea level, dangling off a cliff, having consumed four different kinds of "high" inducing drugs, which adds up to a total of five different "high" inducing effects, including the adrenaline that should be being produced by your body."[/trolllogic]
((More seriously, though, congratulations on your equally insane, surprisingly similar character.))

[ramblomaticmode]You crazy troll logic guy why I ought to punch you square in the horns! Where did you even get that horn anyway? Did you steal it from my thanksgiving feast? I knew someone was trying to drive up the stuffing prices. You're the embodiment of what's wrong with kids today, you hear me? Why, back in my day, stuffing only cost twenty cents. We didn't even have a way to measure how much stuffing there was. You just paid twenty cents for all the stuffing. Then the government had to come in and subsidiarize all the stuffing companies. Those unpatriotic communist Nazis just want us to think they aren't keeping all the extra stuffing on the moon. All the newspapers ever talk about is the stuffing warehouses on Jupiter. Jupiter sure is nice this time of year. My son's going on a cruise there. Here, let me show you some pictures of him.[/ramblomaticmode]

[freeformschooler]

Good Lord, Remuthra and Chink's characters should be related or something.

All responses gotten, game starts tonight.

[freeformschooler]

TURN ZERO: YOU ALL MEET IN A HIGHLY FLAMMABLE TAVERN


(paladin sprite credit david gervais)

Around here, they're always wary of a 10,000G bounty. You can tell by the way patrons avoid looking at the posters displayed prominently on every wall as if their feeble hearts would go into cardiac arrest at the mere sight. Still, that's not a problem for True Adventurers, and the heroes of this story might not be True Heroes, but they definitely are True Adventurers. But just who are the heroes of this story?

Keddec Hauberkson was hanging out at adventurer taverns before it was cool. A gruff warrior with a prominent chin, a hankering for loot, and a comedically oversized full plate of armor, one wouldn't take him for a "paladin." He definitely is, though. Or, at least, what his SOMEWHAT-SHUNNED FAMILY would consider a "paladin." He tips his head at the sight of another man sitting down at the table. The adventurer table.

One-and-a-half-legs Arthur as-he-is-colloquially-known scowls as he sits, or maybe winces as he sits. It's hard to tell with this guy. Drawn to the Ravenous Orc with the promise of loot, quests and glory from his glory days (well, glory day), he notices one of the bounty posters laid flat on the table and examines it thoroughly. That sure is a lot of gold pieces. Enough, maybe, to buy... a working half a leg.

Alfred Lichtenstein looks out of place entering the tavern. In a room full of blades, beards, and beer, he looks not unlike Doc Brown after going a little too far back to the future. One hand on a metal rod and the other in a lab coat pocket, he also sits down at the adventurer's table, drawn in, like the rest, by a stranger's vague promise of "great quest" and "fat loot."

Yumkhan Yambik slams his rear down on the seat beside Alfred. No one quite saw him come in, but everyone sees him now. A short, fat, somewhat intimidating figure, licking his lips as he eyes the rest of the group. It's really a little disconcerting, you know, what with that giant club on his back-strap. He leans over, looks at the poster and presumably imagines how much food 10,000 gold pieces could buy. (It's a lot)

Finally, The ILLUSTRIOUS Joe Bridger takes a seat at the adventurer's table. A man with a floppy, poshy hat and a fancy overcoat, he steals the scene the moment he enters. That is, until he opens his mouth and a series of incoherent semi-words float out like random, dissonent musical notes. He gives the wanted poster a cursory glance, too. Not quite enough to rebuild his old fortune, but it's a start.

A waitress almost looks like she's going to take their order but instead swings over to a table full of ravenous, green orcs who laugh heartily and slap her upon the rump (as is orc tradition). On one end of the tavern (named, yes, the Ravenous Orc), a bartender stands half-asleep next to a dozen or so barrels of hard alcohol. On the other end, a mysterious man in a dark red cloak leans upon the wall.

Spoiler: Keddec Hauberkson, PALADIN OF THE BLOODY SUN (Dermonster) (click to show/hide)

Name: Keddec Hauberkson
Class: Bloodshaped Paladin
HP: 50/50
Wounds: None!
Actives: Bloody Sun Stance, Bloodshape
Passives: Sir Bleeds-a-lot, Has Taken Several Classes in Ethics
Items: Unpolished Iron Sword, Paladin Armor

Spoiler: Alfred Lichenstein the Science Mind (Monk12) (click to show/hide)

Name: Alfred Lichenstein
Class: Enlightenment Knight
HP: 50/50
Wounds: None!
Actives: Back Alley Operation, Sword Full of Science
Passives: These Calculations Are All Wrong!, One Point Twenty One JIGAWATTS!?
Items: Enlightningment Rod, Almost Wizardly Lab Coat

Spoiler: The ILLUSTRIOUS Joe Bridger (Remuthra) (click to show/hide)

Name: Joe Bridger
Class: Persuasively Insane
HP: 50/50
Wounds: None!
Actives: Your Mundane Rules Don't Apply to the Illustrious Joe Bridger
Passives: Persuasive Babbling, Unsettling Sights and Sounds, Sanity-sustaining Monologue
Items: 100 gold pieces, Posh Hat, Upperclassman's Clothes

Spoiler: Arthur With One-and-a-half Legs (Powder Miner) (click to show/hide)

Name: One-and-a-half-legs Arthur
Class: Leg-a-mancer
HP: 50/50
Wounds: None!
Actives:
Passives: Striking Resemblance to a War Veteran, Foot of the North Star, Damnit, This Always Happens!, Highly Flammable Prosthetic
Items: Wooden Cane, Adventurer Clothes

Spoiler: Yumkhan What Eats a Lot (Harry Baldman) (click to show/hide)

Name: Yumkhan Yambik
Class: Ravenous Barbarian
HP: 50/50
Wounds: None!
Actives: Empty
Passives: Stomach of Power, Bone-lickin' Good, High Metabolism, Frightening Figure
Items: Uncomfortably Large Club, Peasant Clothes

[Remuthra]

Well, hello, what do we have here? Some sort of reward poster? You know, I remember when posters were invented. I was fifteen at the time. This butcher just grabbed a sheep and cut the skin right off of it, took that skin and started drawing on it. I think he was drunk. Ah, that reminds me. Waitress, pass me a drink! What was I talking about? Rainbows or somesuch? Well, you see, rainbows are just a thing of nature, Jimmy. It's not like someone goes and says the magic words bajakuckity maribgavich ararabob and waves his hands and a rainbow appears somewhere. You know, my cousin tried to summon rainbows once. He died. Speared straight through the head by an errant sunbeam! That's why you should always wear protection. Blasted sunscreen gets more expensive every day. Say, that's a rather large amount of money there. I don't suppose one of you knows this guy? Might as well see if I can get some decent pay to play hide and seek. Right childish, it is, paying ten thousand gold to get someone to come find him. He must not have any friends. Sounds like reasonable pay for playing detective, though.

[monk12]

Alfred Lichenstein cautiously sits down at the adventurer's table. He knows it is the adventurer's table because, while the other tables are populated by homogenous groups of orcs, gnomes, and humans, this table has a ragtag bunch of misfits with many charming eccentricities. He sits down cautiously because, having determined this to be the adventurer's table, he can extrapolate that the "charming eccentricities" exhibited by his companions are really subtle signs of violent psychopathy.

He glances up at his talkative companion. A right-thinking man, to recognize the purely rational origin of rainbows. Why, so-called Rainbowmancers are nothing more than common Water Mages throwing a bit of H₂O up in the air and letting the sun do the rest of the work. And of course, Water Magic isn't really magic at all, just a way to induce a thinness between the Material Plane and the Elemental Plane of Water by collapsing waveform probabilities through close observation, thereby causing a bit of pressurized liquid to squirt through. Alfred could do it himself, if he could work out how they were able to spy on individual atoms.

Alfred pulls the wanted poster over. "Yes, not bad for a game of hide and seek." He frowns. "I don't like the ambiguity here; it says Dead or Alive. Do you think they'd be upset if we brought him back dead and alive?"

Alfred patiently waits for the mysterious stranger to come over and introduce himself. Of course he's going to introduce himself; he's a mysterious stranger in a rough and tumble bar with a table full of adventurers.  That's just how these things go. Thinking of how these things go prompts Alfred to carefully note the location of the fire exits...

[freeformschooler]

((don't forget to bold your actions if you have any, and if not please say so otherwise i'll be waiting on you))

[Remuthra]

Wouldn't know. I've never been dead before. My uncle was once dead. He got impaled by a sunbeam while looking for rainbows and died. He got better, though. Told me death tasted like chicken. Do you think if we give this paladin guy some chicken, we can collect the payment?

In the previous post, Joe attempted to use his social skills to get himself a free drink.

[Harry Baldman]

Yumkhan looks at the talky man. The talky man made sense, he thought. He made sense in the way many people make sense - with words. At least, he hoped so. And he was talking about money, too. Money was good. You could get many delicious things for money. And more delicious things are always good.

Sadly, he has no money. And there's too many people around to safely eat anyone without any repercussions. Plus, it would be quite ill-mannered of him to just eat things with reckless abandon. People should pay for things they eat. An idea springing into his mind, Yumkhan signals the waitress by violently knocking his club against the floor.

"Waitress! A plate of your finest refuse!"

Ask for plate of refuse, let talky people talk. Keep an eye on dark red non-talky person.

[Powder Miner]

One-and-a-half-legs Arthur sits at the table, reading the wanted poster with a triumphant. 10,000 gold for a wild adventure fighting an anti-paladin, swords and spells and blood and glory! What an incredible, wonderful thing! Wonderful enough, of course, to end up setting old Arthur on one of his perennial rants.

"See, this kind a' wanted poster, this is what us old-timers can look forward to nowadays! Back in my day, we didn't need none of your fancy, "leygal" wanted posters! When we wanted a share of the adventure, we just made a snap decision, nunna your fancy plannin' n' parties n' stuff! We just set straight outta' the mage academy, or the warrior death pits, OR WHEREVER YA' CAME FROM!

Ya hadta' go looking through the streets, or the plains right near town filled with perilous amounts of monsters! That's what we had ta do to adventure in those days! Whether it led us to beatin' down the most criminal a thugs' an' robbers, or tricky leg slicin' fancy mirror mages-"

Here, Arthur thumped his cane on the floor and shot an especially angry wince-glare at everything in his general vicinity, which usually meant he was trying to curb a subject of conversation.

"Anyway, you youngsters don't know how good you got it. When I was a boy, it was so much harder to get glory n' loot like this! I here, I'm gonna take this here wanted poster's offer! I'm gonna go back, fight this guy, AND RELIVE IT LIKE IT WAS BACK IN MY DAY! I'm gonna get the glory and tha loot! I done it before, I done fought! And I'm gonna do it again!"
Loudly announce my intentions to take the wanted poster's bounty to everyone within earshot.

[Dermonster]

Keddic stared at the newcomers in silence. They were not the brightest of people but they had sat at the holy ADVENTURING TABLE, and so they implied commitance to the contract seated in the middle.

He surrepticiously leaved through his LIGUISTICS OF THE OLDEN TIMES book.

"Verily!" he shouted, vaguely unsure of what it meant. "We must all band together and persue this dastardly villain in the name of our fair county!"

He slams his hand down upon the table, not showing how painful the multitude of splinters he just revieved were. (Very.) "This man stands against everything I mostly sit for! I ask of thee! Shall all of you join me in", he paused for a second, before turning around and flipping through the book for a second. "JOLLY COOPERATION!" he shouted as he span back around, again slamming his hand down on the table and amplifying the splinter state. A single tear rolled down his face, followed by three or four more.

"Hrrag." He managed.

[Remuthra]

Everyone steals my crazy old guy shtick, and now I have to compete for ranting supremacy. This will not stand.

I challenge you to a ramble-off, good sir!

Why, I oughta give you a good talkin' to, sonny. Back in my day, we didn't go claiming good honest people's hard earned hide-and-seek money! Back in my day, we didn't even have money! Everyone used chicken as currency! It was a right good way of doing things too. There was no inflation, and nobody was hungry. We used to say you can't eat gold, but you can eat chicken. My nephew tried to eat gold one time. He got the plague. Serves the dimwit right for trying to eat me gold. I always used to say, don't eat gold or you'll catch the plague. That boy always was good at catching things. He was the star outfielder on the baseball team. He caught all the baseballs, right up until he caught an errant sunbeam to the head. The real point of the matter, though, is that you have no right to that hide-and-seek money. What do you know about hide-and-seek? You probably aren't even playing it right, that's why you can't find this paladin guy. I invented hide-and-seek. I was fifteen at the time. The game was, one person counts up to negative three while everyone else hides, and then he goes looking for everyone while they all make animal noises. Then, when he finds them, he takes his shotgun and blows their brains out and hangs their heads on his wall! I got myself many a trophy in my youth playing hide-and-seek. The greatest of them all was this butcher. I found him trying to make a poster out of a sheep. I think he was drunk.  Waitress, where's my drink? Hurry up!