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Author Topic: Jobs for Special Needs Dwarves  (Read 7212 times)

Urist MacNoob

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Re: Jobs for Special Needs Dwarves
« Reply #15 on: July 03, 2013, 05:36:39 pm »

I can't believe you guys!

This is a proud and noble Dwarf, a member of your civilization, injured in glorious combat in defense of your mighty fortress!  He should be honored, not treated as a training dummy, or bait, or anything else so demeaning.  This dwarf has been horrifically maimed in your name, and he should be treated with the respect that any veteran deserves.  I say he deserves his own massive room, tomb, and dining hall, as well as a trophy room with statues and slabs detailing each and every one of his kills (if any).

Honestly, I'm a little disappointed in all of you.  Cursing your dwarves with lycanthropy, purposefully injuring him to train your doctors...Have ye no honor? Have ye no sense of Dwarvenly PRIDE?!

That... That is a breath of fresh air. We need to make sure that the queen or king goes insane from jealousy at his splendid mountain hall of his own. That'll show that damned monarch.
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Coldmonkey: "The idea that having flaming tools and introducing them to the intimate workings of someone you don't get along with is much too human for these forums. I mean, it's not really that hard, is it? Anyone can wield a torch, it doesn't prove anything. Wearing flaming clothes on the other hand, or better yet, wearing nothing at all and being on fire... that is the essence of dwarfish behavior."

VerdantSF

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Re: Jobs for Special Needs Dwarves
« Reply #16 on: July 03, 2013, 05:46:13 pm »

I can't believe you guys!

This is a proud and noble Dwarf, a member of your civilization, injured in glorious combat in defense of your mighty fortress!  He should be honored, not treated as a training dummy, or bait, or anything else so demeaning.  This dwarf has been horrifically maimed in your name, and he should be treated with the respect that any veteran deserves.  I say he deserves his own massive room, tomb, and dining hall, as well as a trophy room with statues and slabs detailing each and every one of his kills (if any).

Honestly, I'm a little disappointed in all of you.  Cursing your dwarves with lycanthropy, purposefully injuring him to train your doctors...Have ye no honor? Have ye no sense of Dwarvenly PRIDE?!

That... That is a breath of fresh air. We need to make sure that the queen or king goes insane from jealousy at his splendid mountain hall of his own. That'll show that damned monarch.

*Raises a mug of dwarven ale*

GrimDark_Majyyks

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Re: Jobs for Special Needs Dwarves
« Reply #17 on: July 03, 2013, 05:48:13 pm »

(This is not a reflection of my rl feelings about things, I'm making fun of the Greeks of the very-long-since expired persuasion.{That is to say, Ancient.})

Crippledness is hideousness. If he can't be useful otherwise, then he is an ugly, verminous parasite and a blemish on dwarven society and should be outcasted as such. There are numerous punishments available for those who allow themselves to be made into a repugnant spectacle, however, so you can allow your other dwarves to learn from his failure. I suggest building a long ramp with a minecart at the top in a sweltering magma pit. Confine him to the pit and force him to haul the boulder up the ramp with the mangled remains of his hands. Once the minecart is loaded trigger it to dump the rock at the bottom of the hill. Repeat as necessary until the offending dwarf is close to expiration. Let him be given food and water and medical care and begin the cycle again.
« Last Edit: July 03, 2013, 05:51:27 pm by GrimDark_Majyyks »
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skyte100

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Re: Jobs for Special Needs Dwarves
« Reply #18 on: July 03, 2013, 05:50:19 pm »

I have the perfect job for him. Noble. At least this way you wont lose anyone important when he has an unfortunate accident retires.
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Deepblade

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Re: Jobs for Special Needs Dwarves
« Reply #19 on: July 03, 2013, 06:27:54 pm »

He could become your new manager, or you could create new noble positions in the entity file for the mangled retired veterans. Is the grasp on his remaining hand permanently lost or is it temporary?
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Loud Whispers

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Re: Jobs for Special Needs Dwarves
« Reply #20 on: July 03, 2013, 06:42:23 pm »

(This is not a reflection of my rl feelings about things, I'm making fun of the Greeks of the very-long-since expired persuasion.{That is to say, Ancient.})
YOU INSULT THE OCCIDENTAL WAY
I HOLD EVERY WORD SPOKEN ACCOUNTABLE TO YOUR EXISTENCE

I challenge you to πανκρατιον! Not even once will your affirmation that you were saying one thing for the intent of conveying humour save you now! My κλεος will grow from your defeat!

Now at this point, we leave broken oaths and laws! LET US FOLLOW FORTUNE TO DECIDE THIS VICTORY.

skyte100

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Re: Jobs for Special Needs Dwarves
« Reply #21 on: July 03, 2013, 06:47:16 pm »

(This is not a reflection of my rl feelings about things, I'm making fun of the Greeks of the very-long-since expired persuasion.{That is to say, Ancient.})
YOU INSULT THE OCCIDENTAL WAY
I HOLD EVERY WORD SPOKEN ACCOUNTABLE TO YOUR EXISTENCE

I challenge you to πανκρατιον! Not even once will your affirmation that you were saying one thing for the intent of conveying humour save you now! My κλεος will grow from your defeat!

Now at this point, we leave broken oaths and laws! LET US FOLLOW FORTUNE TO DECIDE THIS VICTORY.
Hes coming on to you.
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GrimDark_Majyyks

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Re: Jobs for Special Needs Dwarves
« Reply #22 on: July 03, 2013, 06:58:00 pm »

(This is not a reflection of my rl feelings about things, I'm making fun of the Greeks of the very-long-since expired persuasion.{That is to say, Ancient.})
YOU INSULT THE OCCIDENTAL WAY
I HOLD EVERY WORD SPOKEN ACCOUNTABLE TO YOUR EXISTENCE

I challenge you to πανκρατιον! Not even once will your affirmation that you were saying one thing for the intent of conveying humour save you now! My κλεος will grow from your defeat!

Now at this point, we leave broken oaths and laws! LET US FOLLOW FORTUNE TO DECIDE THIS VICTORY.
Hes coming on to you.
I've never been on a date before, what should I be wearing? I know I'm supposed to act natural but I don't know what that means. I actually have no idea what looks nice on me now that I think about it, I really REALLY don't know what to wear. My last haircut wasn't that great but I didn't say anything about it and now I don't know if I look goofy. Should I wear contacts instead of glasses? How do you know if I am failing miserably? I'm not sure about smiling really, smiling with teeth exposed feels weird to me and I don't know that it is actually all that nice when I do it. Should I try anyway, lest they think I'm not interested? How long am I supposed to maintain eye-contact? When is it okay to look away? When does it become staring? What if I keep indirectly changing the topic by pursuing esoteric tangents that I find interesting and appear to be disinterested by way of bringing up things that seemingly are less and less related? Can I get pregnant from this?

How many dates are there supposed to be before we commence prankration?
« Last Edit: July 03, 2013, 07:00:59 pm by GrimDark_Majyyks »
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laularukyrumo

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Re: Jobs for Special Needs Dwarves
« Reply #23 on: July 03, 2013, 07:03:25 pm »

The obvious solution is to create a squad of armless legendary biters. Picture Hitmonlee with teeth and a beard.

I feel like I need to somehow make this be a thing. The problem is that dwarves don't tend to use these unarmed skills (or even train or lead demonstrations on them) until they have enough skill... but I'm sure some Dwarven Science will make this a reality.
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squidgen

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Re: Jobs for Special Needs Dwarves
« Reply #24 on: July 03, 2013, 09:03:03 pm »

In my experiance, kickers tend to insta-kill anything they come into contact with by delivering a boot to their face. His military days are far from over.
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Repseki

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Re: Jobs for Special Needs Dwarves
« Reply #25 on: July 03, 2013, 09:11:26 pm »

Kicking can be extremely effective, especially if the dwarf doing the kicking has decently high strength. If they don't drop from the heel to face right off the bat, the skidding away across the ground usually finishes the rest.
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Wumpi

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Re: Jobs for Special Needs Dwarves
« Reply #26 on: July 03, 2013, 09:54:07 pm »

In my experiance, kickers tend to insta-kill anything they come into contact with by delivering a boot to their face. His military days are far from over.
Would it be possible to mod in a workshop that amputates dwarven extremities? Maybe inflict a syndrome that targets individual limbs with extreme rot, so the surgeon amputates them?
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GrimDark_Majyyks

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Re: Jobs for Special Needs Dwarves
« Reply #27 on: July 03, 2013, 10:28:03 pm »

In my experiance, kickers tend to insta-kill anything they come into contact with by delivering a boot to their face. His military days are far from over.
Would it be possible to mod in a workshop that amputates dwarven extremities? Maybe inflict a syndrome that targets individual limbs with extreme rot, so the surgeon amputates them?
I think so. Putnam made a dfhack script that can apply syndromes to items so if you can create or alter a syndrome such that it removes arms you should be set.
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Deepblade

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Re: Jobs for Special Needs Dwarves
« Reply #28 on: July 03, 2013, 10:32:51 pm »

You could also go the route of Upright Spear Trap attached to a lever. It's not 100% effective at removing exactly what you want, but it has a pretty good chance of doing something.
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evictedSaint

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Re: Jobs for Special Needs Dwarves
« Reply #29 on: July 04, 2013, 12:20:49 am »

Lycanthropy is a CURSE.  It is a BAD THING.  No one wants to be a werewolf.

But seriously.

Just retire your dwarf. Let him live life.
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