- Scene 1, the loyal NW followers of Jon Snow and Davos Seaworth are looking at Jon's dead body, discussing what to do. Despite Davos having had very little interactions with Jon Snow, (in fact, I don't recall any except for the time they negotiated with the wildings), Davos is strangely loyal enough to Jon to die with his men protecting his corpse for some reason. Davos says they need to get the red woman to help.
- Thorne and the NW begin talking about what they've done. They all are rather indifferent, frankly Jon should have just told them about what he saw at Hardhome, and he certainly forgot that Olly was not at the First of the First men quickly.
- A eulogy for Myranda by Ex-Bastard Ramsay:
"I wasn't much older, but everybody was already afraid of me. You certainly were. Myranda wasn't, though. What could I do to her that those hounds couldn't? She was fearless. There was nothing she wouldn't do." - Ramsay Bolton
Roose is Loose B.: "Your command of the 20GOODMEN was impressive. Thanks to you, the false king Stannis Baratheon is dead. Do you know who struck the killing blow?
Ramsay B.: No.
Roose is Loose B.: A shame. I'd reward the man.
It's ironic because it was actually Brienne who teleported into the Bolton and Baratheon armies to offscreen kill Stannis, completely axing his storyline to make room for more D&D writing. Get it? Subtlety is not D&D's strength, bad pussy and all.
Then Roose is Loose Bolton mentions that he's producing his own son to Ramsay, and actually lets his guard down.
...
Moving on:
Next scene we have the prison break scene where Theon and Sansa are legging it with the hounds fast approaching. When all seems lost, Brienne teleports to fight the 20GOODMEN, and Podderick too joins in on the action. To demonstrate the subtlety of this scene:
GOODMAN1 (before being 1-hit KO'd): "It's a bloody woman!"
GOODMAN2 (before being 1-hit KO'd): "No! Please!"
Lmao
And then Brienne gets to make her vow:
Brienne of Bants: "Lady Sansa, I offer my services once again."
Meaning that Brienne has succeeded in all of her vows whilst in the books, she's (obvious book spoiler ahead) faffing about, has failed in all vows and is about to come face to face with spookyfish, in what would have been one of the best reveals had D&D not cut spookyfish out.
Then we get a Jaime and Cersei scene which is actually pretty decent. Round about now they should be discordant and decaying, but their relationship has actually gotten stronger - something D&D chose to do differently that seems to have paid off (killing Myrcella aside. WTF teleporting sneks, or Doran letting out the people who just tried assassinating her out of prison to say goodbye to the person they just tried assassinating - D&D writing skills).
Then we get the Flatfooted High Septon, who is given more depth than in the books, at the cost of doing absolutely nothing besides bants at Septa Unella. This scene is pretty ok, even if they're just chatting. I do like how you can see how subtly Margaery is already planning to get the one-up on the High Septon, being the superior version of Cersei in all respects.
The scene thereafter is... Oh dear fucking god. Sand sneks.
Doran: "My son Trystane..."
Mama snek: "Your son is weak just like you. And weak men will never rule Dorne again." -
and so cries everyone who knew what they just killedBtw in case you didn't get it this is the grrrl power season, with all the subtlety D&D can manage
Envy snek: "You're a greedy bitch, you know that?
Which is to say, not a lot
Then we get Tyrion and Varys scenes that are pretty ok. One thing that doesn't make sense though is why they're on the streets without bodyguards, given that regular people are killing each other over petty reasons - even if people didn't know who they are, they'd still be in danger. And if people DID know who they are - there are already prices on both of their heads, and it's not even uncommon for merchants to have bodyguards. Oh, yeah and they keep including lines like this:
"It's a good thing you're not a boy anymore. Because you have no cock."
Which is mind numbingly pointless for the characters to say, and only makes sense from the frame of view of establishing important character information to new viewers coming in to watch season 6 - bringing us to the territory where the complexities of the characters are reduced to one or two traits. Tyrion is a Dwarf who drinks and knows things, Varys and Theon have no cocks and all the women are strong and wonderful, there's not actually a single woman portrayed in an unsympathetic light from ep 1 to 3. Cept maybe the blind faceless girl who beats up Arya, who may not even be a girl ~o.o~
Dany Bros inc: "I've been all over the world. There's no escaping men like us."
Ayyyyyy lmao, I can't even comment on what they're trying to say because those men's characters are so poorly established
Dany Bros inc: "I want to see what the world looks like when she's done conquering it."
Top kek, it's like D&D's in the same room as us
The scene with Arya listening to the street gossip starts off really fucking well. From the conversation we hear:
-Some blokes talking about how everything has a price
-Some blokes talking about how they will not go to the brothel where the King's guard was eye-murdered, even if he probably had it coming (how would they know? They may be people with knowledge of Westeros). Then the faceless girl arrives and talks to Arya, asking if she listens - the implication being that the faceless men already know she's killed the King's guard, and is Arya, not no one. The important unasked question is then why are the Faceless men continuing to train someone who has failed every trial, and is still Arya Stark - not no one?
The Faceless Men have plans of course!
Well, then they have a blind fight. No comment, it's just funny that all the Braavosi vacate the street when it happens.
Then the ep ends like this:
NW: "What's one redhead gonna do against 40 armed men?"
DS: "You haven't seen her do what I've seen her do."
Got da powa