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[zombat]

Edit: Also, did Ramsey forget he was a bastard?

Everyone has forgotten they're a bastard. The sand sneks are bastards who just assassinated all the Martells, yet rule over all the Martells' lords. Ramsay is a bastard who just assassinated his father and rules over the north despite rebelling against the King who just made him legitimate (and why are they afraid of invasion, they hold moat cailin and recaptured stony shore ffs!), Jon Snow is a bastard but we get all this shit about him being the last legitimate stark (despite not being legitimate, nor for that matter, a probable stark). I'm just waiting for Gendry to come back and reclaim house Baratheon and Storm's End to complete the bastard shitshow lol, anyone else missing?

Tyrion   

[TD1]

But....Tyrion's not a bastard? He's drinks and he knows things, but that's about it.

[ChairmanPoo]

But....Tyrion's not a bastard? He's drinks and he knows things, but that's about it.

All dwarfs are bastards in their father's eyes

There's also a somewhat solid theory about Tyrion being a secret Targaryen, in the books at least. But this shitstorm strayed a whole frigging lot from the books in the last two seasons...

[TD1]

That journey to the Wall with Jon was brilliantly done, I think, in exploring Tyrion's character.

And the previous Joffrey-slap. Mustn't forget that.

[Mephansteras]

Eh, the show's a lot more fun if you just roll with it and don't think too hard about everything. It is a spectacle, nothing more, nothing less. Considering that they started this series long before Martin was even close to finishing the books, I don't see how we could have expected anything different.

[Kot]

Well, there's a theory Tyrion is actually a Targaryen bastard because Aerys the Mad could have fucked Joanna Lannister because he's such a funny guy.
OR
Tyrion is actually only legitimate Tywin son because Cersei & Jamie are Aerys bastards which explains the whole sibling love thing, and explains why Tyrions existence was such an insult to Tywin yet he never actually wanted to kill him or stuff.

Also, I like that new theory that Daenerys is actually Jons sister because Tower of Joy and she apparently has memories of Dorne or someshit. It could also somehow mean that her immunity to fire isin't just Targaryen thing because it's actually getting resurrected by R'hllor thing and Jon can be on fire now too. Would mean that Jon and her get to ride dragons because immunity and maybe there could be someone else who dies and get brought back - not Beric sadly as he's dead now, which is actually kinda sad, he could have been a very nice Azhor Ahai.

[Leafsnail]

Eh, the show's a lot more fun if you just roll with it and don't think too hard about everything. It is a spectacle, nothing more, nothing less. Considering that they started this series long before Martin was even close to finishing the books, I don't see how we could have expected anything different.

To be fair it was pretty close to being finished. It just hasn't got any closer.

[Mephansteras]

It took him 9 years to write books 4 and 5. Did we really think he'd get 6 and 7 done any faster?

I didn't.

[Leafsnail]

I mean we basically had 4 books published in the 10 years before the show and 1 book in the 10 years after. Also the series is now a book longer.

[Loud Whispers]

The last scene was stupid but the rest of the episode was fine and I appreciate that the plot appears to be going somewhere for the first time in ages.

D&D's overcompensation was too unsubtly pummeling to tolerate, they managed to erase all the complexities of all the characters, as far as I can tell the only characters who have escaped such mischaracterised flanderisation are Arya, Bran, Jorah (irrelevant), Tyrion (even if he's now just the one who knows and drinks things), Varys and GREGOR THE MOUNTAAAAAAAAIN. Who they shouldn't be calling Sir Gregor, given that they sent Dorne the Moutain's skull, but D&D writing for ya.

e: and even in the case of the last scene I'm not gonna cry about losing 8 episodes of Daenerys sitting around in some hut with Dothraki widows

e2: actually I guess the Ramsey scene was also pretty dumb but what's new.

This Dany scene was by and far the worst one I've ever seen. There was no hype, you know she's never in danger, and the Khals all die in the most rushed nonsensical way ever. The fact that Dany goes from doing absolutely nothing to having all her problems resolved is worse than if she had done nothing at all, at least then she would have actually had problems to deal with in her life.
We basically spent last season's episode hyping up the Dothraki, then we get a whole episode of hyping up the Shekel Khaleen, then we get one episode of calmly toasting the deadliest fighters alive, whose blood riders have somehow been slain by the friendzone brothers - despite being the most guarded people alive short of the Braavosi top don, we aren't even gifted to an epic fight scene between Jorah and Bluebeard vs dozens of Dothraki bloodriders in unarmed combat. Remember how at the end of season 1 it was such a big deal when Jorah fought (and was nearly completely wrekt) by one bloodrider? Yeah nah, D&D doesn't remember.

There would've been one easy way to have done this right. Have Tyrion attempt to fix all of Dany's fuckups in Meereen, all the whilst Varys disappears to do Varys things, Missandei and BDSMworm develop actual character and humanity (or at the very least inhumanity, as they are now they are just flanders), then zoom off to Dany getting rekt. Dressed down as Khaleesi of nothing, hopes and ambitions fruitless, heck have Dany have to use her intelligence to try and buy herself some time by threatening them with Drogon or playing to the pride of some of them to have them try and tame Drogon - literally anything where we don't know for sure Dany isn't about to be slaughtered in 10 secs. As it stands now there was zero percent chance that anything but Dany flawlessly solving all of her problems and becoming perfect with everybody loving her would happen, for she is a painful Mary Sue and D&D are in meltdown mode.
Then when all seems hopeless for Dany - a surprise face shows up. Eunuchs serve the Dosh Khaleen, and guess who happens to show up? FUCKING VARYS. Then we could spend an episode showing Dany meeting the Khals, but with foreshadowing of stuff to come - like Varys standing in the background holding brazier oil. Hype it up to be some mini-RW and when we get to know and love the Khalasar, when all of them are assembled in some great and holy ceremony - have the plan be executed as Dany roasts them like a cheeki nandos. Instead of playing the "wow isn't this awesome, don't you just love wondrous Dany boy" music, play the Red God's theme as she burns alive all the Dothraki Khals and family during the most sacred of ceremonies, crushing their entire religion as worthless (they could keep the Dosh Khaleen talking about how all the crone stuff as superstition, being thematically appropriate).
Then have Dany walk outside the burning temple, showing the Dothraki all panicked and angry, uncertain of whether they should try and kill the witch - then end scene as big fucking Drogon lands on the fires of the temple, a dragon as dark as the night is full of terrors - with all the Dothraki bowing down to the greatest horselord, whose horse happens to be a dragon.

[TD1]

I mean we basically had 4 books published in the 10 years before the show and 1 book in the 10 years after. Also the series is now a book longer.

Personally, I'm more miffed with Rothfuss than Martin. Both are milking their franchises for all they're worth, but Rothfuss at least pretends for integrity. Plus he made a blinking board game instead of finishing the book.
...

I think I may be having withdrawal symptoms.

[zombat]

Dressed down as Khaleesi of nothing, hopes and ambitions fruitless, heck have Dany have to use her intelligence to try and buy herself some time by threatening them with Drogon or playing to the pride of some of them to have them try and tame Drogon - literally anything where we don't know for sure Dany isn't about to be slaughtered in 10 secs.

Khals could've made good on their promise and had a go with her, then their men, then when its the horses turn the dragon swoops down and burns everything and everyone.

I can understand why they wouldn't subject one of the biggest girl power Sues to repeated gang rape though, given the current climate of shrill feminazis moaning about everything. They'll probably say how its the worst misogynist thing GOT has ever done... even worse than getting tied to a bedpost as a saddistic shit shoots crossbow bolts into you or getting pushed down and stabbed right into the baby.

[itisnotlogical]

Khals could've made good on their promise and had a go with her, then their men, then when its the horses turn the dragon swoops down and burns everything and everyone.

given the current climate of shrill feminazis moaning about everything

windows into people

[Sheb]

That's so nice strawman you got there GO. No one ever claimed the shirt was scaring women away. Just that it was terrible and symptomatic of a climate where women don't feel welcome. Which might or might not be true, but is certainly not so ridiculous a claim as what you're representing.

[Loud Whispers]

That's so nice strawman you got there GO. No one ever claimed the shirt was scaring women away. Just that it was terrible and symptomatic of a climate where women don't feel welcome. Which might or might not be true, but is certainly not so ridiculous a claim as what you're representing.

windows into people

You guys might've missed the gigantic feminist backlash against unnecessary Sansa rape that caused them so much shit that they decided to fix season 6 by killing off the remaining competent male leads whilst making the secondary ones incompetent, needing strong independent woman don't need no man to fix everything

"Weiss and David Benioff were emphatic, before the season started, that any change in direction you might see in this episode were not in response to viewer feedback. Benioff said, “The thing that’s slightly frustrating is the idea that we’re responding to criticism from last year, so therefore we’re going to beef up the female roles—that’s blatantly untrue.”"

Basically they've overcompensating from the sheer amount of shit (pardon, the absolutely livid viewer feedback) they got for unnecessary Sansa-rape, hence why we got Dorne even though there was no foreshadowing of popular discontent against the already-established as popular Prince who brought prosperity to Dorne (or how the sneks teleported to a ship in King's Landing).
So this season is likely going to be stronk womyn even if it means erasing all the complexities of all the characters even in the remote sphere of D&D's attention, even if it means(...)

Zombat's not wrong lel

Just read the critical reviews from feminists, my favourite one is from the guardian who rated this season as critically smashing for how it portrays women versus last season's "worrying" portrayal <3

Let's take a brief look at all the characters we've been reintroduced to so far, from ep1 to 2:

Spoiler: ep 1 (click to show/hide)

• Scene 1, the loyal NW followers of Jon Snow and Davos Seaworth are looking at Jon's dead body, discussing what to do. Despite Davos having had very little interactions with Jon Snow, (in fact, I don't recall any except for the time they negotiated with the wildings), Davos is strangely loyal enough to Jon to die with his men protecting his corpse for some reason. Davos says they need to get the red woman to help.
• Thorne and the NW begin talking about what they've done. They all are rather indifferent, frankly Jon should have just told them about what he saw at Hardhome, and he certainly forgot that Olly was not at the First of the First men quickly.
• A eulogy for Myranda by Ex-Bastard Ramsay:

"I wasn't much older, but everybody was already afraid of me. You certainly were. Myranda wasn't, though. What could I do to her that those hounds couldn't? She was fearless. There was nothing she wouldn't do." - Ramsay Bolton

• Post-battle discussion:

Roose is Loose B.: "Your command of the 20GOODMEN was impressive. Thanks to you, the false king Stannis Baratheon is dead. Do you know who struck the killing blow?
Ramsay B.: No.
Roose is Loose B.: A shame. I'd reward the man.
It's ironic because it was actually Brienne who teleported into the Bolton and Baratheon armies to offscreen kill Stannis, completely axing his storyline to make room for more D&D writing. Get it? Subtlety is not D&D's strength, bad pussy and all.
Then Roose is Loose Bolton mentions that he's producing his own son to Ramsay, and actually lets his guard down.
...

Moving on:
Next scene we have the prison break scene where Theon and Sansa are legging it with the hounds fast approaching. When all seems lost, Brienne teleports to fight the 20GOODMEN, and Podderick too joins in on the action. To demonstrate the subtlety of this scene:
GOODMAN1 (before being 1-hit KO'd): "It's a bloody woman!"
GOODMAN2 (before being 1-hit KO'd): "No! Please!"
Lmao

And then Brienne gets to make her vow:
Brienne of Bants: "Lady Sansa, I offer my services once again."
Meaning that Brienne has succeeded in all of her vows whilst in the books, she's (obvious book spoiler ahead) faffing about, has failed in all vows and is about to come face to face with spookyfish, in what would have been one of the best reveals had D&D not cut spookyfish out.

Then we get a Jaime and Cersei scene which is actually pretty decent. Round about now they should be discordant and decaying, but their relationship has actually gotten stronger - something D&D chose to do differently that seems to have paid off (killing Myrcella aside. WTF teleporting sneks, or Doran letting out the people who just tried assassinating her out of prison to say goodbye to the person they just tried assassinating - D&D writing skills).

Then we get the Flatfooted High Septon, who is given more depth than in the books, at the cost of doing absolutely nothing besides bants at Septa Unella. This scene is pretty ok, even if they're just chatting. I do like how you can see how subtly Margaery is already planning to get the one-up on the High Septon, being the superior version of Cersei in all respects.

The scene thereafter is... Oh dear fucking god. Sand sneks.
Doran: "My son Trystane..."
Mama snek: "Your son is weak just like you. And weak men will never rule Dorne again." - and so cries everyone who knew what they just killed
Btw in case you didn't get it this is the grrrl power season, with all the subtlety D&D can manage
Envy snek: "You're a greedy bitch, you know that?
Which is to say, not a lot


Then we get Tyrion and Varys scenes that are pretty ok. One thing that doesn't make sense though is why they're on the streets without bodyguards, given that regular people are killing each other over petty reasons - even if people didn't know who they are, they'd still be in danger. And if people DID know who they are - there are already prices on both of their heads, and it's not even uncommon for merchants to have bodyguards. Oh, yeah and they keep including lines like this:
"It's a good thing you're not a boy anymore. Because you have no cock."
Which is mind numbingly pointless for the characters to say, and only makes sense from the frame of view of establishing important character information to new viewers coming in to watch season 6 - bringing us to the territory where the complexities of the characters are reduced to one or two traits. Tyrion is a Dwarf who drinks and knows things, Varys and Theon have no cocks and all the women are strong and wonderful, there's not actually a single woman portrayed in an unsympathetic light from ep 1 to 3. Cept maybe the blind faceless girl who beats up Arya, who may not even be a girl ~o.o~

Dany Bros inc: "I've been all over the world. There's no escaping men like us."
Ayyyyyy lmao, I can't even comment on what they're trying to say because those men's characters are so poorly established
Dany Bros inc: "I want to see what the world looks like when she's done conquering it."
Top kek, it's like D&D's in the same room as us

The scene with Arya listening to the street gossip starts off really fucking well. From the conversation we hear:
-Some blokes talking about how everything has a price
-Some blokes talking about how they will not go to the brothel where the King's guard was eye-murdered, even if he probably had it coming (how would they know? They may be people with knowledge of Westeros). Then the faceless girl arrives and talks to Arya, asking if she listens - the implication being that the faceless men already know she's killed the King's guard, and is Arya, not no one. The important unasked question is then why are the Faceless men continuing to train someone who has failed every trial, and is still Arya Stark - not no one?
The Faceless Men have plans of course!
Well, then they have a blind fight. No comment, it's just funny that all the Braavosi vacate the street when it happens.

Then the ep ends like this:
NW: "What's one redhead gonna do against 40 armed men?"
DS: "You haven't seen her do what I've seen her do."
Got da powa

Spoiler: ep 2 (click to show/hide)

Flashback intros by Bran psychedelic time, stuff about the little Neds, Hodor and Lyanna. Setup for the Tower plotline, R+J=L
Pretty ok scene.
Well:
M.Reed: The Three-Eyed Raven says there's a war coming. And we're going to fight it in there?
Tree person: Brandon Stark needs you.
M.Reed: For what? I sit in there and I watch him have his visions and nothing ever happens. (lol just like the audience)
Tree person: He isn't going to stay here forever. And out there he needs you.

Then we get Wun Wun scene, that's all right. Would've been better with Mannis but alas, Mannis rip in peas.

Scene therafter we get some peasant joking about Cersei's walk of shame *ding ding ding,* scene following has the Mountain Sir Gregor Robert Strong smash the peasant's skull into a wall. Pretty juicy scene, as it also raises the question of whether Qyburn's birds are working - and for whom.

Then we get the showdown between Cersei and the Lieutenant, that's pretty fantastic as a scene - the look of relief on the Lieutenant's face when he doesn't have to square off against the Mountain is palpable. But the scene following makes close to no sense whatsoever - not only have the sand sneks teleported to King's Landing, killed Trystane, teleported back to Dorne without being caught - but Tommen quite out of character blames his own mother for the assassination, despite his mother having at this point no power, no ability to kill Trystane nor no motive.

Glaring plotholes aside, showdown between Jaime and the High Septon is intense - though it does beg the question why Jaime brought no Lannister soldiers with him. One could reason he's no Tywin, but he's also no idiot. As it stands, there was nothing stopping the Septon from kidnapping Jaime and holding him to account for all the sins he just confessed to :D

Tommen: You raised me to be strong... and I wasn't. But I want to be. Help me.
Cersei: Always
Seeing a trend here

In the scene after we're back at Meereen, with this dialogue:
Tyrion: If I lost my cock, I'd drink all the time. Meaning no offense. (points to Greyworm). He makes dwarf jokes, I make eunuch jokes.
Varys: I do not make dwarf jokes.
Tyrion: You think them.
DO YOU GET IT? GREYWORM AND VARYS ARE EUNUCHS AND TYRION IS THE DWARF WHO MAKES JOKES AND DRINKS :D
In case you didn't get it, they will continually repeat this. The show has been increasingly getting fonder of telling and not showing, and it shows in the show. Lord knows why Littlefinger said "your sister" instead of Caitlin, unless D&D planned from the start to steadily decrease the complexity of the show like a freight train falling off a cliff xD
Tyrion: "That's what I do. I drink and I know things."
Do you get it yet guys?

Scene with Tyrion and the dragons is pretty nice. It's all telling and not showing, but it's pretty nice.

Next scene with Roose is Loose Bolton is much the same. "Ned Stark's last surviving son?" "Jon Snow is a bastard, not a stark?" "So was I, Father" e.t.c.
It's the equivalent to playing an RPG and then having a text dump of exposition thrown at you instead of showing it. Only, this time it's already information that has been shown, and so I can only assume this is padding out the season so they can stretch the material they haven't cut yet to be able to syndicate the license for maximum profit.

The Ramsay coup is done pretty clumsily, there's no way Roose is Loose would've let Ramsay do what he did to Rob to him. Would've been more appropriate to have him immediately (and literally backstab) Roose before he has time to react to the news of a new firstborn. Then we get the Doggies eating Walda Frey offscreen, which really begs the question of what the hell happened to the hounds when they fought teleporting Brienne. These hounds are the ones that defeated the elite Ironborn raiders, are snapping distance away from Sansa - then disappear without a fight against teleporting Brienne, only in time to teleport back home to eat Walda.
~o.o~

Rather symbolically, the scene afterwards starts with the report that all the Ironborn in Deepwood Motte have been slaughtered to the last man. So many storylines, poof!
At least we get the scene where Euron goes against everything he stood for in the books but for GoT that's nothing, they even axed 2GOD. And so the Iron King dies in the most anticlimactic manner, not even to a faceless man or a Seaguard agent :/
Oh yeah, and in case you forgot this is grrl power season:
Yara: My father would have wanted me to rule.
Drowned Priest: Your father does not get to choose. The law is clear. Perhaps you'll win. Perhaps you'll be the first woman in history to rule the ironborn. And perhaps not.
Tis the grrl power season if you didn't know

"I'm not asking the Lord of Light for help. I'm asking the woman who showed me that miracles exist."
Because tis the grrl power season, which D&D would like to remind you is NOT overcompensation for the Sansa rape backlash

I'll get onto ep3 later since ep3 is guilty of all the sins of ep 1 & 2 combined if anyone's interested, if not I don't care much anymore, I just want Clegane bowl hype, no more sand sneks and toasty grrl power xD

That, or an extended House of Cards style CIA cut. Might do that actually, sounds like fun
Oh yeah, point being as it stands now every single male character has either said they were too weak and needed a female counterpart to lead them, or that male character was killed by the female characters surrounding them, or they're Littlefinger and the High Septon - both antagonists. Tyrion is the only sympathetically portrayed male lead who is somewhat independent, serving Danaerys rather ambivalently - (and he will ride a dragon fucking confirmed sekrit Targ, or maybe Nettles), but he will soon replace Varys as his right hand man with a red priestess (who knows too much about Varys, making him genuinely scared). Needless to say the pointless destruction of male characters (Doran & Stannis rofl) and the Flanderisation of every female character into a Mary Sue (name one flaw Dany has) has made the show boring and predictable. Oh look, Bran needs M.Reed or he's useless. Jon needs R.Priestess or he's useless. Davos and the Knights need R.Priestess or they're useless. Daario Brothers need Dany or they're useless. Loras needs Margery or he's useless. Tommen needs Cersei or he's useless. Doran needs the bad pussy and his all according to keikaku is useless. Stannis is Mannising it in the after-plot. Theon needs Yara or he's useless. Dany does nothing wrong, even when she burns people alive or crucifies innocent people without trial. The war of the Five Kings is over and the only main character left to contend is Dany, who has zero flaws, is so attractive people swear loyalty to her on sight, has a perfect sense of justice, is capable of inspiring mass zealous devotion through liberty and beauty, is a flawless general who has never been defeated in combat, fluently speaks Westerosi, Dothraki, Old Valyrian, is capable of making the entire Mongol Dothraki world bow to her (through awe and beauty), rides a dragon, has unique hair and is a Queen of an ancient, powerful magical dynasty from a long-lost Empire of which she is the last remnant and possess magical powers for herself, is guarded by the greatest soldiers alive including mysterious sorcerors and has ambitions to bring world peace through world conquest of which she has no opponents to face.

Wew lads a thousand fanfics flash before my eyes

That's so nice strawman you got there GO. No one ever claimed the shirt was scaring women away. Just that it was terrible and symptomatic of a climate where women don't feel welcome. Which might or might not be true, but is certainly not so ridiculous a claim as what you're representing.

Just read the critical reviews, GO's portraying it exactly how they rate it lel

"The most recent episode of HBO's Game of Thrones largely evaded the two major questions from the previous chapter, and instead lined up its sixth season to gravitate around the heroics and cunning of its female protagonists." Mark W. Pleiss, Pop Matters
"It's too early to say for sure, but the first episode of the first post-Martin season already feels more woman-friendly, indeed a tad warmer and more embracing overall." Matt Zoller Seitz, New York Magazine/Vulture
"If there's a theme to "The Red Woman," it might just be Girl Power, which is a promising turn." Katie Walsh, The Playlist
"Showrunners David Benioff and DB Weiss have said this season is all about the women, and this opening episode did much to suggest they are right." Sarah Hughes, Guardian
"If this premiere is any indication, the executive producers are moving beyond George R.R. Martin's novels to show women finding their power and wielding it." Mark A. Perigard, Boston Herald

That's for episode 1, season 6 - which according to fans is the weakest episode GOT has ever produced, which according to Critics is crack cocaine they can't get enough of for some reason... Hmm, I wonder what the Critics evaluate their judgements on? I haven't got a clue 
P.s. GO has a point on the guy who shot a probe onto a comet and all they gave a fuck about was making some physics nerd cry because of his shirt