Turn One Hundred and SixteenThe Temple of Sef...Wind Blast II the hippo right into the grease, thus creating the Incredible Sliding Hippo that will no doubt smash our ninja friends and not our messenger friend.
"Let me show you," shouts Larry crap Tackov almost majestically as his comrades cower under hippos and in greasy corners,
"What Magic can do for you! It is terrifying.""Ahahahahah!" he adds.
…Shooting a sort of, you know, alright blast of wind at the hippo, I guess, his majesticness dissipates almost as rapidly as the hippo dodges, as he sees the hippo dodge almost expertly out of the way, just like he had somehow sensed the incoming gust of lukewarm magical power.
In fact, the zombie hippo evades the magical wind by throwing himself hard to his right, smashing into the wall and causing bits of his shoulder to fall off in a shower of rotting bones and zombie hippo flesh.
Damage acquired: Hungry Hungry Zombie Hippo:
Smashed ShoulderActions: Reboot dance! Then make with the chop chop on the Ninjas! Follow the big rear of zombie hippo! Do all these actions in one turn!
Seeing the charging hippo suddenly charge into the wall instead of her prompts Lady Foxglove to pull out her Masterwork pole dancing pole
…and start gyrating wildly in a nearly seductive and certainly enthusiastic celebration of her continuing non-squashedness, before she regains her wits, dashes over to the Dungeon Ninjas attacking Gervedder,
…using the grease to speed her bare-bladed charge, and
…slices the left ninja’s right arm off.
Alas! She spends such time staring at the resulting bloodspume that her second blow is horribly off target and off balance, and she is left open to a devastating counter, that the eejit ninja completely fails to deliver,
…lunging moronically forward foot first and inviting Lady F to counter his counter, which she does, cutting his right foot off. He lunges onto his footstump and collapses to the ground, writhing about on the grease, bleeding quite heavily on Gervedder.
Her cutting done and her messenger mostly rescued, Foxglove dashes
…successfully back across the grease, trying to get a good look at the zombie hippo’s arse, which she does.
She stops right behind it and just sort of stares for a bit.
Shoot a round of bolts at the hippo!
Just as the hippo is getting used to the unfortunate occurrences of smashing head first into a wall and then having a recently gyrating lady-adventurer stare at its backside, its state of mental near-equilibrium is disturbed by the sudden appearance of a pair of crossbow bolts. The dual wielding Whiz
…sticks one in the hippo’s left buttock and another in and in fact right through its left rear leg, which is unpleasantly severed!
Oh! Oh! I know! Ride the hippo! Ride the zombie hippo that definitely always works!
As if that wasn’t bad enough, suddenly the excitable possibly-human possibly-lady-adventurer – it’s hard to tell as even to a zombie hippo she doesn’t entirely smell like either – gets to her half-squashed feet, bounds over, and leaps on its back!
Or rather tries to leap on its back, and fails, quite miserably,
…missing the fact that the zombie hippo dodges aside at the last moment, and therefore missing the hippo, but not the wall behind it. It was inevitable.
…Sylvanna smacks face first into the wall, taking mild damage.
Mild Damage Taken: Sylvanna the Felonious:
Bashed Face!Fight! Roar! Fight some more!
The Hungry Hungry Zombie Hippo is quite angry at having its backside stared at, and starts backing up away from the wall, turning and turning to face the motley crew before it.
There is a mummywizard, a daddywizard, and a peasant carrying a barrel which he assumes contains a babywizard. To, initially, his right there is a creepy looking woman with crawly looking hands sliding down a wall and to his rear, no matter which way he turns, there is another (much less creepy and probably much more attractive, but he’s too much of a hippo and a zombie to pay attention to this fact – he didn’t even pay attention to her enthusiastic and nearly raunchy pole dance) woman staring at his arse. If it was a woman zombie hippo he’d probably quite like this.
But it isn’t, and it’s making him a little angry.
He turns and turns, trying to shake Lady Foxglove away from staring at his rear, and finally completely loses his temper, leaping forwards and
…chomping down with a massive chomp on Bukkar’s barrel, slicing the lid off and getting it stuck in his mouth, jamming his jaws wide open and freaking out Bukkar at the sudden burst of light pouring in so greatly that the Ragemonk starts screaming in exposed terror, vomiting all over the hippo’s face and then punching actual lightning right through the lid and into the undead fiend’s tonsils!
Bukkar’s face pops out of the barrel top, burning, and he screams as he realises he’s smashed apart his beloved barrel lid.
”BARREL LID OVERBOARD! THE HORROR!” he cries, in feverish desperation,
”WE’RE GOING DOWN! EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF!”He starts bailing out flames and vomit from the bottom of his barrel and comes across his enormous head-sized cork, which by some twist of fate he flings right at the magic circle trap in the centre-ish of the room, interrupting Roñardo before he can get really started on his Bukkar-sales pitch.
Has the circle been trod upon? If not, throw my cork onto it. If it has, have Roñardo make a sales pitch on me, then punch anyone who comes close in the face.
The cork bounces off the floor and dribbles to a stop about a foot away. The second it stops, 360 degree flames bursts out of the magic circle, doing their best to incinerate everything in the room except the cork, who is clearly its special friend.
…The hippo proves to be remarkably fireproof; after much deliberation Lady Foxglove merely sidesteps out of the way of the horizontal curtain of flame; but Tackov, alas, opens his arms up in joy and waves his face repeatedly in the direction of the fire, setting both his chest and his face completely alight, at which point he drops to the ground screaming
…and nearly starts to tear off his clothes and get naked, but bolstered by his magical garment his mind resists.
Multi-Flames Acquired: Tackov Cedtry:
Burning Chest!,
Burning Face!Whiz takes a blast of fire in the gut, but it doesn’t seem to affect him too much, and Roñardo ducks and rolls to take cover under a nearby table, emerging a few seconds later completely unscathed, much like his employer Bukkar, who ducks down into his barrel and gleefully watches the flames wash over its open top. He probably wouldn’t have noticed a bit of extra burning on his face anyway, but he certainly notices as a burning ninja suddenly falls from the corner of the room just above the entrance and starts rolling about on the floor, flames all over his abdomen.
Just as the adventurers nearest the door turn to see just what this burning ninja is doing on the floor, two further burning ninjas fall to the floor in the south west corner of the room, completely dead.
Run up the wall and leap out of this angled enclosure with the aid of my monstrously huge legs while swiping my axe in passing at one of these peasant fellows.
Away from the fire, safe in his greasy corner, Gervedder is feeling left out, so
…runs up the wall, leaping out of that angled enclosure with the aid of his admittedly monstrously huge legs.
As he does so, he swipes at one of the Dungeon Ninjas bleeding on him,
…and sets him alight a bit on the arm, causing him to squeal.
Fight!
The ninjas, having not done terribly well at initiativing, finally react, although really you should imagine that all the above (and the following) events are semi-simultaneous, I suppose, and not in a strictly defined structured order, which is more a convenient way of the GM handling said events with some form of interaction between them and with some arbitrarily defined sense of fairness. Anyway, the ninjas react, or act, the one-footed burning ninja leaping after Gervedder to fight, and the two-footed one slipping on the grease and smashing his face in a little.
The bleeding burning ninja attacks Gervedder, calling him a thief and a coward as he leaves the angled enclosure,
…but misses. Gervedder spins and
…sets him alight on the other arm, leaving himself open to a counter but also gaining an additional “fumbled defence” attack!
…The ninja counters first, but completely misses, because he has only one foot and two burning arms, and then
…Gervedder completely misses too!
The ninja strikes,
…with a level of incompetence matched by the sheer level of competence with which the messenger parries and enthusiastic incompetence with which the messenger then counters,
…swinging wilding above the ducking ninja’s head and spinning around in a circle for what seems like several minutes!
The ninja attempts to strike again,
…rubbishly, and finally
…Gervedder has enough, focuses for a split second, and slices the ninja’s guts off!
Flames having replaced his abdomen, the ninja keels over to the floor, quite dead, and quite burning, and quite shooting blood all over the place.
The burning-gut ninja in the corner by the adventurers, having dropped, rolls,
…and puts out his burning guts, at which point another ninja drops from the ceiling, and throws a whole bunch of ninja stars at the
…nearest adventurer called Whiz,
…but his ninja stars are of quite poor quality, and nearly all miss! Apart from, of course, the one that is stick out of Whiz’s face and causing Heavy Bleeding!
Wound Acquired: Whiz the… Whiz!
Facial Bleeding!Mission: Retrieve the Magical Mandolin Part
There are 2 ninjas in the top left corner of the room. One hungry hungry angry angry zombie hippo top centre. One bleeding ninja in the bottom right corner of the room.
Turn summary for the GM’s sake. LF chopped ninjas and stared at a hippo’s arse. Gervedder fought ninjas. Bukkar’s cork set off the flame trap which mostly burned Tackov and some ninjas, who then fell out of their hiding places. The hippo and its opponents mostly fought ineffectively, although Whiz shot its leg off.
Name: Tackov Cedtry
Class: Level 4 Gusty Wind Mage
Status: +1 missile defence. +1 to future gut damage. -1 to melee. +1 left leg defence. -1 to feet. Burning!
Health: [HP: 25/65] |
Severed Guts! |
Magical Saucepan Leg |
Severed Foot! |
Burning Chest!,
Burning Face!Abilities: Airfist I,
Magical Typhoon I,
Wind Blast I,
Wind Blast II,
Wind Step I,
Squishy,
Sissy Slap FightInventory: Minor Mana Potion x1,
Scroll of Beginner’s Fireball x1,
Mouldy Wizard Hat, You Bastard the Mangy Donkey,
Cloak of Camouflage, 524 Green Farthings, 206 Yuros,
Solid Gold Lingerie x 2, a squashed and severed foot (own), a massive angry boulder stalker,
Burny-Vomity-Nakedy Wand;
Robe of Improved Magic,
Holy Incendiary Grenade of Sef.
Name: Whiz
Class: Level 4 Whiznificent Whiz Wiz(ard)
Status: +1 to lower leg, groin, head and breast defence. -1 to social interaction except with rats. +1 to balancing. +1 to strength. Last in initiative rolls.
Health: [HP: 70/90] |
Giant Rat’s Tail! Mummy! |
Facial Bleeding!Abilities: Competent Crossbow User,
Red Carpet,
Shield I,
Gee, Mr. Whiz, You Sure Are Fast! Gee, Mr. Whiz, You Sure Are Fast II,
Obviously a Powerful Wizard,
It’ll Make You Blind!Inventory: Crossbow x2, Unlimited Quiver,
Raider’s Dress of Shin Protection, 11 Yuros,
Middling Mana Potion x1, Cutlass, Three daggers,
Minor Health Potion x1, +1 Bolt of Accuracy x4, +1 Bolt of Burning x3, +1 Bolt of Paralysis x1,
Carrying Serf x0 (not currently mounted), 0 Green Farthings,
Steel Groinplate,
Steel Helmet,
Steel Breastplate.
Name: Gervedder Vietzo
Class: Level 4 Damaged Opportunistic Messenger
Status: +1 to gut and chest defence. +1 defence if moves. +1 to hit with axe (flaming).
Health: [HP: 90/90] Extra Long Legs!Abilities: Gauntlet,
Sprint of Fury,
Just a Brainflesh Wound,
Nimble Feet,
This Messenger Delivers,
Important,
Stop For DirectionsInventory: Crossbow, Unlimited Quiver, 0 bandages, 0 Yuros,
Iron Cuirass, Crossbow, Gerald the Mule, Two weeks rations and a bedroll,
Apprentice Herbalist's Manual,
Herbalist's Containers x5, Large Cork x1,
Masterwork Flaming Axe of Death.
Name: Lady Foxglove Vainglorious the III
Class: Level 4 Glamorous Ravenhaired Crusader
Status: +1 to head, chest and groinbone defence. Dodges fist missile hit. -1 to initiative and balancing.
Health: [HP: 90/90] |
Broken HeadAbilities: Nonchalant Dodge,
Ravena’s Ear,
Silent as a Raven’s Wing,
Opportunistic,
Honeyed Tongue,
Vain,
Self-RelianceInventory: The Raven's Wingblade,
Minor Health Potion x1, Crossbow, Unlimited Quiver,
Masterwork Helm,
Flying Warsquid, Sword,
Mercenary Squidrider Uniform,
Masterwork Poledancing Pole,
chainmail lingerie, 34 Yuros, 10 bandages, Decent provisions (day) x4, Live eel x649, Red dragon-scale vest,
Curse Grenade of the Slimy Eel.
Name: Bukkar Crangrom
Class: Level 4 Sprayin' Ragin' Mage
Status: Naked! Burning face!Health: [HP: 80/90] |
The Vomiting! |
Broken Guts |
Blessed By the Godses |
Stony Facelegthing |
The Burning!Abilities: Whirlwind Rage I,
Rage Flight,
Rage Lazors I,
Ass of the Flaming Foot I,
Lightning Fist I,
Always Looking For a Fight,
Always HungoverInventory: Crossbow, 0 Green Farthings,
Large Sealed Bling Barrel, Large Cork x1, pick.
Name: Sylvanna the Felonious
Class: Level 4 Alchemical Flesh Mechanic
Status:Health: [HP: 60/90]Abilities: Construct Control I,
Craft Corpse Glue I,
Craft Alchemical Corpse Glue I,
Corpse Assimilation ,
Crawly HandsInventory: A dead kobold, clothes,
Buckler of Sharp Death, 0x Glue,
Hat of Command.
Name: Rattlefang’s DroneBongo of Vengeances
Class: Level 2 Shamanic Death Tambourine
Health: [HP: 35/35]Abilities: Two Legged Death Tambourine,
Incredibly Sharp Teeth Name: Jack the Hippo
Class: Hungry Hungry Zombie Hippo
Health: [HP: 150/200] | Severed rear left leg
Author
Topic: Roll to Dungeon Quest - It's not you, it's me. (Read 193891 times)