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[zehive]

Wpwsers

[Vector]

Hey, GUESS WHAT:

Classic abuse tactic is to find out whatever you want most and withhold it indefinitely.  Like CLOSURE.  Withholding closure and any sort of data you might particularly want is a big one.

Jeez.  It's because I understand where you're coming from that I suggest you stay away, because I'll I'm hearing is "I keep trying to get the same piece of information, but she won't give it to me, so I'm going to keep trying to get it."

[Darkmere]

^^^  She said it better than I would have.

*shrug* If the girl was really your friend she'd have either dealt with the situation or acknowledged that you need space.

[Shakerag]

Thank you, atleast you see where I might be coming from...

Just trying to help you out, man.  It just seems like trying to follow everyone else's advice is doing you more harm than good.  And, yeah, I know the common line of "well, it'll hurt like hell at first, but get better with time".  I'm sure that works out for some people, but it's not a universal concept.  There are some wounds that are never healed with time alone.

So, chat with me a bit here.  How long ago did you meet this person?  Did you become friends right away?  What about her made you call her your friend?  Looking back on your friendship, in light of recent events, do you feel that she put as much into the friendship as you did? 

[zehive]

Hmmmmm

[zehive]

Interesting

[Darkmere]

I really just want my friend back.

What if this never happens? What then?

[zehive]

Yeah okay lol

[Darkmere]

I'm saying it's a possibility you should consider, probably besides feeling bad about things you cannot change (her opinions and views of you, and her [un]willingness to resolve the situation with you).

You've displayed codependent behavior regarding her, and I (and most others) here have been telling you, while not in so many words, is that you should break these habits before they lead to longer-term issues.

Strawman what I say all you like. No one tried to help me, so I spent months/years blaming myself for a shitty relationship end that wasn't my fault. I'd like to help you avoid that, which is why I'm here. Take it or leave it, up to you.

[Shakerag]

I met her three years ago, and yeah we became friends right away. It was pretty much within minutes we were comfortable with one another, and I called her my friend because.. well actually I was pretty in the dumps when we became friend, every time we hang out we had a lot of fun and she always tried really hard to come see me no matter how much I said I'd rather not, she'd still want to come see me and hang out with me and come and just have fun with me and play around. And do I feel she put as much in as I did? If we're talking before the couple weeks before we broke up, yes it was equal. But since then, no.

So, being honest, would you say that anything of the sort that's happening now occurred during those three years? 

[zehive]

Hmmmm

[zehive]

Fascinating

[Vector]

You've got some serious denial going there bucko.  Wasn't this whole thing about how she isn't how you thought she is?

[zehive]

Q1 rptate

[Darkmere]

Break the cycle or be dominated by it. Same story as before. I'm really not sure what you're expecting to hear? You openly admit that she won't give you closure and is blatantly using you as an ... eh... for lack of a better term "emotional tampon" (not my invention btw, but it fits), and you're sticking around despite there being someone else interested in you, that you're also interested in?

You know what you want, you've said bluntly what you want, and it really, honest to god is within your power to have it. You just have to seize the opportunity. Go hang out with the new girl, do something fun and whimsical, take a walk, read a book... something that isn't focusing on the ... I can't even come up with a decent word. Plenty of indecent ones, though.

Ah, related note. You're worried about being a pussy? Everyone is. The human condition and all that.  Anyone with sense goes through at least part of life terrified, even if they wouldn't admit it to anyone else. But we conquer it, and you can, too.