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[silverskull39]

Men are SOOOOOO stereotypical when it's about seduction. They see EVERYTHING as an investment , a challenge. When it's well done, you can accept the lie for the pleasure of the gesture, but when it's badly done, it's too...well...apparent. And it's so...pathetic.

For most of the men friendship with girl = possibility to fuck her. Or, it's time "lost". It is a so poor vision. As if women were just objects.

I'm offended by ...  For most of my life I've preferred girls to guys as friends, due to the fact that the girls I've known were -always- nice to me, and never bullied me because of the various mental issues that I suffer from. Even the girl that asked me to go to prom with her, I only saw as a friend, and wanted nothing more than to be a friend.

I think you need to take a long look in the mirror and think about your sexism.

The exception does not disprove the rule, but I agree with you. The trouble is that the types Inarius mentioned are much louder than types like you or me, generally speaking. Speaking as a male who has about an even ratio of male:female friends, all of whom are platonic, fyi. The squeaky wheel gets noticed, regardless of any greasing going on.

[RedKing]

It's called "the average woman chasing after the stereotypical man."  You don't become a breadwinner by virtue of having a lot of time.  I would posit that chasing after the perpetually unavailable is, for many people, just the way things is.

See Wile. E. Coyote.

This is why most of my dates tend to involve rocket-packs or large boulders being dropped off cliffs.

[Inarius]

Well, It's not at all what I wanted to say, then. I apologise for that.

I meant that men -sometimes-, when they are stereotypical, can be very "I give then I want in return" and materialists. Of course, not ALL of them and not ALL the time. But, alas, too often...

And girls, when they are stereotypical, can be very silly and materialists (some I know will refuse to date if the man doesn't pay the bill in a restaurant, for example, which is nearly prostitution i think). These behaviour EXIST, but it's not everybody of course. You can't deny it. But it's not sexism...it's...realism ?

I wanted to say that stereotypicality when applied to men, expresses itself like this. Not, of course, that all men are like this.
I was just replying (and I disagree) to someone below who said that love was just a business relationship.

I'm sorry if i'm not so precise, english is not my main language.

[RedKing]

Well, It's not at all what I wanted to say, then. I apologise for that.

I meant that men -sometimes-, when they are stereotypical, can be very "I give then I want in return" and materialists. Of course, not ALL of them and not ALL the time. But, alas, too often...

And girls, when they are stereotypical, can be very silly and materialists (some I know will refuse to date if the man doesn't pay the bill in a restaurant, for example, which is nearly prostitution i think). These behaviour EXIST, but it's not everybody of course. You can't deny it. But it's not sexism...it's...realism ?

I wanted to say that stereotypicality when applied to men, expresses itself like this. Not, of course, that all men are like this.
I was just replying (and I disagree) to someone below who said that love was just a business relationship.

I'm sorry if i'm not so precise, english is not my main language.

Likewise, I've met women who refused to let me pay for dinner because they thought there was some implicit assumption on my part that doing so would entitle me to sexual favors later. And no matter how much you insist that "No, I'm offering to buy dinner because it's a nice thing to do", they're wary. Sucks that a handful of assholes have the capacity to make more than a handful of women suspicious of ulterior motives by the rest of us guys.

If someone's going to be with me it's because they *want* to be with me, not because of some sort of contractual obligation, real or imagined.

[silverskull39]

exactly. a gift is not a transaction, either. It's a gift. If something is expected in return then it's not a gift, it's extortion.

[Inarius]

You should date in places where there is no money involved. Places less...conventional. As a side effect, you will attract less conventional people, who are generally more interesting.

I personnally would be more likely to fall for people who will SURPRISE me.
Dates can be SOOOO boring when too conventionals. Show that you can be inventive, girls (well, at least, unconventional ones) will value it.

[Foamybeard]

Very rarely are things that are interesting free.

[kaijyuu]

Man, people love to overcomplicate the dating game.

The thing to remember is that neither of you have anything to "prove." Be yourself, do what you want to do, and expect him/her to do the same. The point of dating is finding someone you enjoy spending time with, and if you have to do things you don't want to to keep their attention, you probably shouldn't be dating that person.


Call someone when you want to call them, not because you feel contractually obligated else they'll think they're being ignored.
Go places for dates that you find interesting and think they'll find interesting too, not ones you might dislike.
Spend money if you wish to spend money on the person, not because you feel it's required you do.

Long story short, dump the pretense. All of it. And don't expect to get anything in return that they're not willing to give.


Too many people treat it like a business contract, or someone superior to you you have to suck up to. And seriously, please try to get to know the person before you get emotionally attached to them...

[Foamybeard]

kaijyuu, I have to agree with you. You are correct, you shouldn't have to prove anything.

[Vector]

kaijyuu, I have to agree with you. You are correct, you shouldn't have to prove anything.

Yeah.  That was one of the most accurate things I've seen in Life Advice.

[DJ]

Telling people to just be themselves on a date is like telling them to act normal in front of cops, trying to do it just pushes the adrenaline even higher and makes them act more awkward.

[Xantalos]

It's called "the average woman chasing after the stereotypical man."  You don't become a breadwinner by virtue of having a lot of time.  I would posit that chasing after the perpetually unavailable is, for many people, just the way things is.

See Wile. E. Coyote.

This is why most of my dates tend to involve rocket-packs or large boulders being dropped off cliffs.

Note to self: get Acme Luck if ever on date.

[Mlamlah]

Man, people love to overcomplicate the dating game.

The thing to remember is that neither of you have anything to "prove." Be yourself, do what you want to do, and expect him/her to do the same. The point of dating is finding someone you enjoy spending time with, and if you have to do things you don't want to to keep their attention, you probably shouldn't be dating that person.


Call someone when you want to call them, not because you feel contractually obligated else they'll think they're being ignored.
Go places for dates that you find interesting and think they'll find interesting too, not ones you might dislike.
Spend money if you wish to spend money on the person, not because you feel it's required you do.

Long story short, dump the pretense. All of it. And don't expect to get anything in return that they're not willing to give.


Too many people treat it like a business contract, or someone superior to you you have to suck up to. And seriously, please try to get to know the person before you get emotionally attached to them...

Very true. All in all too many people tend to be concerned with the "game" of dating that they kind of lose sight of whatever it is they are looking for.
If you're looking for casual dating you should be upfront with that, if you're looking for a serious relationship you should be upfront with that too. Just interested in sex? For the love of Armok be upfront with that too, there are more than a few people out there looking for the same thing, and you don't need to keep up some bullshit pretense to get what you're looking for. In fact you'll probably have a lot more fun that way.

There's no need for pretense or social maneuvering, just straight up be genuine and you're a lot more likely to get what you're looking for.

[lordcooper]

In my experience those who believe others are only interested in sex are generally those with nothing else to offer.

[kaijyuu]

Telling people to just be themselves on a date is like telling them to act normal in front of cops, trying to do it just pushes the adrenaline even higher and makes them act more awkward.

Heh, this is true, but my answer to that would be to not try to hide that you're nervous.

My first face-to-face date with my fiance consisted mostly of glancing at each other and nervously giggling. We were both incredibly nervous, we both knew it, and neither of us thought less of the other for it.

"Being yourself" could very well include being awkward. Nothing inherently wrong with that. Not everyone's into 100% suave and sophisticated; I'd wager that most people either don't care or find nervousness cute and endearing. And of course, if they don't like you being nervous, and you are, then maybe it's a sign you're not compatible.


I'm into men and if my date was obviously acting clumsy and awkward due to being nervous, my first response would be hugging them for being utterly adorable.