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[pisskop]

Is it good or bad?  When can it be permitted, if at all?

Im listening to this guy who says he dating three friends at the same time, and they all know about it.  His friend says that's okay because they all know about it.  Others say just sex is okay, and no dating is required; much less marriage is important.

What do you'll think.

[DarkWolfXV]

Monogamy is single marrige. You might be referring to polygamy.

[GlyphGryph]

Although he doesn't appear to be talking about marriage, either, but simple seeing multiple people.

[Boea]

As long as they are all alright with it, I certainly don't envy his position, I'd probably screw things over.
[I think the term is polyamory, or polyfidelity, based on the set up :v]

Humans, just based on the physiology, you can see that it can be problematic to be monogamist, at times. :/

[Pnx]

I say people should go with whatever relationships they're comfortable with. It just doesn't seem like that big of a deal to me.

[Boea]

What are societal/cultural conflicts [arguendo]?

[RedKing]

*cough* (points to flags)

Polyamorous here. Dating two women at the same time, and yes they both know about it. IMHO, the latter part is very important. Otherwise it's just "I sleep around a lot" and it's potentially dangerous to all parties, physically and emotionally.

There's definitely a spectrum of relationship, from "deeply committed life partner" to (for lack of a better term) "fuck buddy". Some choose to define polyamory as multiple serious relationships, which is tricky but possible. I know of a few people who have done that happily for a decade or more.

For others, it may simply be a network of sexual partners who are aware of each other (and depending on the orientations, may be partners among themselves).

For me personally, it's somewhere in the middle. I have one serious relationship which may someday turn into a marriage. She has a couple of...I believe the best term is "friends with benefits" -- people with whom she has friendships with beyond just sexual relations. Likewise, I have a FWB myself -- we go out to dinner occasionally, go to movies, just hang out and watch dumb TV and make snarky comments, etc. I qualify that as "dating", even though we both acknowledge that there's no long-term goal in mind and no "possession". If she wants to see other guys, that's fine as long as she lets me know, and vice versa.


I think that's perhaps the biggest paradigm shift compared to traditional models of relationships and sex: the traditional idea is tied up with notions of possession and exclusivity (and jealousy). The polyamory model is much more one of free association, consensuality and openness. Because of that, the two really aren't interoperable. You add a monoamorist into a polyamorist network, it's going to cause problems. Which isn't to say that everyone involved has to have multiple partners, they just have to be okay with the general concept.

It's certainly not for everyone, and you seriously have to check your ego at the door otherwise it's way too easy for people to get their feelings hurt.

[pisskop]

What are your views on seeing multiple people and marriage?  Sorry I didn't clarify; they are two different things.

[RedKing]

Are you asking if I approve of polygamy (multiple marriage), or polyamory in conjunction with marriage (i.e. being married and still seeing other people)?


EDIT: Y'know, this is skirting the edge of the forum guidelines. Not sure this is the best place for this discussion. Just sayin'.

[Boea]

I definitely not ready :/

[Darvi]

One word: ew.

[pisskop]

Are you asking if I approve of polygamy (multiple marriage), or polyamory in conjunction with marriage (i.e. being married and still seeing other people)?


EDIT: Y'know, this is skirting the edge of the forum guidelines. Not sure this is the best place for this discussion. Just sayin'.

Word?  And here I thought I'd get a few new ideas to knock around. 

To clarify:

-Is it okay to see multiple people?  What would make it okay (or not okay)?

-Is marriage a dying tradition?  For that matter you make a point.  Is it okay to have multiple partners with the intent of keeping them for life?

[Levi]

I say people should go with whatever relationships they're comfortable with. It just doesn't seem like that big of a deal to me.

Yeah this.  As long as everyone is honest with each other I don't care what they do.

[Boea]

-Is it okay to see multiple people?  What would make it okay (or not okay)?
Awareness, Consent, and General Value [Which tie into relational foundations like Honesty, Trust, and so on]

-Is marriage a dying tradition?  For that matter you make a point.  Is it okay to have multiple partners with the intent of keeping them for life?
I hear a lot of people in Japan become Christians temporarily just so that they can get married.

That last part about eternity is a tricky thing, the -otherwise- best you can make marriage is something that lasts a pretty damn long amount of time.

[Vector]

I think people should do what is right for them and the other people involved.

For example, I am on a pretty steep "I may never get married" kick, because I am coming to realize that my interest in sex is borderline zero and that the things I want out of people are things that you can have with your friends.  If a polyamorous group picked me up on the periphery as someone whose hair they patted once in a while that would pretty much do me in terms of physical needs.

So, is there anything wrong with that?  No, I really don't think so.  I think that we've got a lot of cultural baggage and myths attached to monogamous heterosexual eternal marriage, some of which need to be deconstructed for the good of the participants ("until death do we part" in the abusive case, anyone?) and some of which are cool--but we haven't constructed cultural values and stories around polyamorous relationships, so we don't have this feeling that they're okay.

Eh, that's my two cents.

-Is marriage a dying tradition?  For that matter you make a point.  Is it okay to have multiple partners with the intent of keeping them for life?

Something no longer being the only thing that gets any public lip service does not mean it is "dying."  Gay people marrying does not mean marriage is dying; heterosexual people not marrying does not mean marriage is dying.  Polyamory will not kill marriage, just like the institution of monogamous marriage did not kill polyamory.