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[scapheap]

Appear behind Anita D. McWallace and tickle attack her(I think) as punishment for the terrible attempt at a joke e-mail then chat to her.

[NRDL]

In the time I have, just grab some generic legal files and start reading.  Hope it gives me a clearer picture of what I have to do in this company.

[GreatWyrmGold]

Spoiler: Waitlist: (click to show/hide)

Name: Aiden Brack Carlson
Description: One-armed. He also has large, pale blue eyes and very short, thick, red hair; is short and broad-shouldered; intelligent but distractible; and cynical, because all anyone seems to notice is that his left arm is missing from the elbow down. Among other reasons.
Department: IT
Where do I see myself in 5 years: Driven insane by peoples' petty problems, or else promoted to a position I'm not good at.
Lunch: Sandwich, fruit, some water from the drinking fountain.

[AKingsQuest]

Find Todd Jenkens and say. "Your hands are as red as a baboons ass, and guilt is etched into your
face like a whores tramp stamp. Give me the stapler or your hands won't be the only thing that's" red.

[borno]

Spoiler: to Randy V. Lindeman, HR (click to show/hide)

Subject: Music
From: Jake T. Hallenstein
Original Message:
I know there are those around the office that appreciate your "sick beats", as you call them, but many of us in the neighboring cubicles would appreciate it if you would turn down your music during the day. I know you got headphones, but we can still hear it through them. My son doesn't even listen to his music as loud as you.

I don't want to make any threats, but people are already considering filing an official complaint.
Yo don't be hatin' on my 'beats. I've spent AGES making these tracks, and I sure as hell ain't gonna throw that all into the trash for some golden oldey! I'm sure if you'd take the time to listen to them, you'd be begging me to play my music on full blast.
Actually, I'll hook you up to the link.
www.jakesnotfake.com

Jake sends this before heading to the coffee line.
((I'm currently viewing this on my iPad, so I won't be able to see any abbreviations until I get my new laptop, in about two days.))

[raptorfangamer]

ohboy
This can either go horribly wrong
or horribly right.
Either way it will be amusing.
hehehe

[penguinofhonor]

I'll put your stuff in parentheses until then, Borno. It's no problem.

Turn 1
^{<- Turn 0 | Turn 2 ->}

Sigh. Look for computer security pamphlets, which are widely regarded as a nicer, yet more passive-aggressive way for IT staff to tell people that they're idiots and they're to blame for the crap that gets on their computer. If there is one, grab it. Walk towards Human Ressources.

1. You walk over to where the pamphlets are, only to find one of your less tech-savvy coworkers leafing through them. It's Eustace Abrams - no wonder everyone else in IT looks busy. He once shut down every computer in Marketing trying to empty his recycle bin. He doesn't even work in Marketing. Before you can escape to your cubicle he turns to you.

"Ronald!" he says.

You turn around, accepting your fate.

"Ronald, thank goodness you're free. I tried to add a favorite in Internet Explorer and it's not working now." He gestures negatively to indicate his frustration.

"Internet Explorer isn't working?"

"The internet isn't. Doris said the router is broken, but at least that virus can't send anyone our data."

You hold in a groan as you walk with him to Human Resources.

In the time I have, just grab some generic legal files and start reading.  Hope it gives me a clearer picture of what I have to do in this company.

2. You look at your immediate work and see a letter from May Fly Aeronautics claiming one of Mayfly's products is infringing on their trademark. You have no idea what you were doing with it.

Appear behind Anita D. McWallace and tickle attack her(I think) as punishment for the terrible attempt at a joke e-mail then chat to her.

4. You creep up behind McWallace (her cubicle is just around the corner from yours) and tickle her just as she picks up her coffee. She jumps and almost spills it, but laughs at the near disaster. You and her spend the next several minutes watching a video of a fat guy dancing to a Romanian song that her twelve-year-old son sent her.

Find Todd Jenkens and say. "Your hands are as red as a baboons ass, and guilt is etched into your
face like a whores tramp stamp. Give me the stapler or your hands won't be the only thing that's" red.

6. You quickly make your way over to Law near Jenkens' cubicle and threaten him loudly. He turns around, trembling, and gives you a stapler. You're pretty sure it's not the one that was stolen. Everyone else within earshot also gives you their stapler. Satisfied, you drop them all on a table in the hall and head back towards your desk.

Spoiler: to Randy V. Lindeman, HR (click to show/hide)

Subject: Re:Music
From: Jake T. Hallenstein

Yo don't be hatin' on my 'beats. I've spent AGES making these tracks, and I sure as hell ain't gonna throw that all into the trash for some golden oldey! I'm sure if you'd take the time to listen to them, you'd be begging me to play my music on full blast.
Actually, I'll hook you up to the link.
www.jakesnotfake.com

Jake sends this before heading to the coffee line.

4. You send the reply and head over to the coffee maker. You're fourth in line. You won't make it to the pot until just before the meeting starts, but you're pretty sure you'll get some.

Status
Time: 7:50 AM Tuesday Febuary 5 2013

Spoiler: AKingsQuest (click to show/hide)

Name: Max D. Payne
10/10 HP
Department: HR
Inventory: Scotch
Abilities: Sadism

Spoiler: Darvi (click to show/hide)

Name: Ronald X. Brooke
10/10 HP
Department: IT
Inventory: 2 bags of potato chips
Abilities: Troubleshoot

Spoiler: scapheap (click to show/hide)

Name: Clair R. King
10/10 HP
Department: Finance
Inventory: Turkey sandwich, slice of chocolate cake, teacup, 4 teabags
Abilities: Accounting Degree

Spoiler: borno (click to show/hide)

Name: Jake T. Hallenstein
10/10 HP
Department: HR
Inventory: Empty
Abilities: Sadism (+1 accuracy to attack targets with less than 33% HP)

Spoiler: NRDL (click to show/hide)

Name: Jeremiah S. Nix
10/10 HP
Department: Law
Inventory: Ham sandwich
Abilities: Skimmer

[NRDL]

Try to acquire more information about this matter.  Send a letter to those guys to ask for said information.

[Darvi]

Oh dear. I need a plan. Shutting down all the computers from HR first would help. Unplugging the router too. I can run a virus scan after the meeting.


Wait, is it already ten to? I tell Eustace what must be done and walk to the meeting room.

I didn't actually expect time to go by this fast.

[borno]

((Thanks.))
Get coffee, go to meeting.

[AKingsQuest]

Get beer, go to meeting.

[penguinofhonor]

I didn't actually expect time to go by this fast.

It'll slow down or speed up depending what's going on, but I think ten minutes a turn is an acceptable speed for normal office life. At our current rate it would take us 51 turns to get through an office day, including lunch. That feels pretty slow to me.

[scapheap]

Wait out the meeting room.

[penguinofhonor]

Turn 2
^{<- Turn 1 | Turn 3 ->}

Try to acquire more information about this matter.  Send a letter to those guys to ask for said information.

5. You don't need any more information, actually. You skim over the letter again and realize what had been going on. The font on one of Mayfly's labels made the company name look like MayFly, which got the people at May Fly pretty antsy.

They're a tiny company compared to yours, so you send them a response that threatens typical corporate legal bullying. That should shut them up. You then send an email to someone in marketing and ask them to put a little more curve on the "f" to make it less mistakable. All in all, it was a very productive ten minutes. You leave your desk quite satisfied.

Oh dear. I need a plan. Shutting down all the computers from HR first would help. Unplugging the router too. I can run a virus scan after the meeting.

Wait, is it already ten to? I tell Eustace what must be done and walk to the meeting room.

5. You tell Eustace to shut down all the computers and unplug the router. Completely trusting you, he hurries off to do so before the meeting starts. You follow everyone else to Meeting Room A2.

Get coffee, go to meeting.

6. The people in front of you get their coffee faster than expected and it looks like you'll have time to spare. The people behind you are happy that they're actually going to get coffee before the meeting.

You then use up the last of the coffee, the last of the sugar, and the last of the creamer. You sip your delicious coffee and go to find a seat in the meeting room while everyone who was behind you glares at you and leaves.

Get beer, go to meeting.

5. You crave beer but only know one place to get it. Mr. Kleinsman is preparing for the meeting, so you sneak into his office and open up the mini-fridge. You grab a beer, hide it at your desk, then grab a coffee cup from near the machine (strange, there's no line) and head back.

You pour the beer into the cup and sip out of that, raising minimal suspicion. If anyone asks you'll just say it's some herbal tea from Starbucks. All in all, it was a very productive ten minutes. You leave your desk quite satisfied, beer in hand.

Wait out the meeting room.

4. You head over and wait for the meeting to start.

Group Event: Meeting
All the clocks strike 8:00 except the slow one that's still on 7:58 and everyone finishes getting into the meeting. Mr. Kleinsman is standing at a podium near the front of the room with a few index cards in his hand. His brother Kevin is sitting at the computer behind him managing the powerpoint. The first slide is titled "Office Efficiency".

"The economy is not in the best place right now," Mr. Kleinsman begins. "And our numbers have fallen this quarter. Everyone here needs to do their part to reduce expenses." He continues for nearly half an hour. Someone is audibly snoring in the back of the room.

He begins to read from a slide titled "Reducing Expenditures via Cutting Unnecessary Office Luxuries" that has a clip art picture of a frowning coffee machine on it. His voice begins to sound distorted, and several people in the audience look up for the first time in several minutes.

Those of you that look up see that Mr. Kleinsman's face seems blurred. It bends to the left, then snaps back to where it was, seeming sharper than before. He continues talking as if nothing is happening. His mouth opens wider than should be possible and a glistening white eye is visible inside it. The eye begins to liquefy and drips out of his mouth, flying like spittle from his lips as he speaks around it.

"As you can see," Kleinsman says, "Many commonplace office appliances have a disproportionately low effect on workplace efficiency when compared to their cost to the company." As far as anyone can tell, everything is back to normal.

About a dozen people in the audience look around, doubting their senses. Kleinsman wraps up the meeting without incident and leaves the room to weak applause. Several people examine the area around the podium but find no evidence of anything strange. A couple men from Finance tell their supervisor they're taking a couple hours off and head to a nearby bar. Everyone heading back to HR realizes that their computers are turned off and not working.

Status
Time - 8:30 AM Tuesday Febuary 5 2013

Spoiler: AKingsQuest (click to show/hide)

Name: Max D. Payne
10/10 HP
Department: HR
Inventory: Scotch, cup of beer
Abilities: Sadism

Spoiler: Darvi (click to show/hide)

Name: Ronald X. Brooke
10/10 HP
Department: IT
Inventory: 2 bags of potato chips
Abilities: Troubleshoot

Spoiler: scapheap (click to show/hide)

Name: Clair R. King
10/10 HP
Department: Finance
Inventory: Turkey sandwich, slice of chocolate cake, teacup, 4 teabags
Abilities: Accounting Degree

Spoiler: borno (click to show/hide)

Name: Jake T. Hallenstein
10/10 HP
Department: HR
Inventory: Empty
Abilities: Sadism (+1 accuracy to attack targets with less than 33% HP)

Spoiler: NRDL (click to show/hide)

Name: Jeremiah S. Nix
10/10 HP
Department: Law
Inventory: Ham sandwich
Abilities: Skimmer

[scapheap]

Be one of the people who is completely unaffected by the meeting thing since I always thought something like that, start doing work.