I MUST update tonight! MUST! NOT! RUIN! PERFECT! RECORD!
Obtain Arceus
[6] You locate Arceus and catch it! Seeing as Arceus is basically a Poke-God, you can't claim to be in control.
Goddamnit, scapheap.
Respawn in Poke-land.
[4] Sure thing!
Respawn as a portal gun.
Attach myself to someone's arm and begin feeding off their life force.
[3] You are a completely normal Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device, except with an AI implanted. More like a turret's than GLaDOS or Wheatley.
Give Pufferfish Gyarados,
Mention all the liches at the interview.
You do both. The liches are evidently Keters.
Summon HatLeitenent and WorkerHats.
Have WorkerHats build me a fortress!
[1+1] You summon nothing.
Ponder how the a sentient embodiment of a thread can posses organs.
Pondered. [4] Conclusion reached.
Continue getting negative bonuses.
[4-1] You get a total -2 malus.
Summon HatLeitenent and WorkerHats.
Have WorkerHats build me a fortress!
NOPE. STILL WATERMELONS.
N/A, as he didn't summon any hats.
Summon HatLeitenent and WorkerHats.
Have WorkerHats build me a fortress!
NOPE. STILL WATERMELONS.
ALSO SEND ABOUT HALF OF THE HATLINGS TO BEAT SLOWPOKES TO DEATH WITH THE 10 WATERMELONS SUMMONED EARLIER.
Summon HatLeitenent and WorkerHats.
Have WorkerHats build me a fortress!
NOPE. STILL WATERMELONS.
ALSO SEND ABOUT HALF OF THE HATLINGS TO BEAT SLOWPOKES TO DEATH WITH THE 10 WATERMELONS SUMMONED EARLIER.
TRANSMUTE THEM INTO MORE WATERMELONS
[2v3] Several hatlings become watermelons, [1+2v4] before the remainder throw themselves at LordSlowpoke. Many more die, and Slowpoke is OK.
The SCP Foundation classifies several new NSCPs:
NSCP-002: The Portal Gun. Xantalos. Containment: A standard equipment locker, with NSCP-001 ordered to only let the doctors open it.
NSCP-003: The Pocket Monsters. SCP-003-A-# describes Pokeballs. SCP-003-B-?-# describes Pokemon. Containment: None at this time.
NSCP-004: The Magical Girls. Each given a number. Containment: Magical Girls under observation by Agent [REDACTED], Dr. Bright kept far away from Site-N02.
NSCP-005: The Feline Person. Knight Tiger. Containment: [1v3+2] None at this time. Agents [REDACTED] and [REDACTED] wounded, █ D-Class personnel killed.
NSCP-006: The Mad Hatter. TopHat. Containment: [5v2] Contained in a standard humanoid containment cell. No headwear allowed within █ meters of containment cell. Any animate headwear discovered at Site-N01 will be punished by removing access to computers, including █████ ████████ and internet.
NSCP-007: The Dead Walking. Lichette is NSCP-007-1, the normal lich is NSCP-007-2, the Embodiment of Magic is NSCP-007-3. Containment: None at this time.
NSCP-008: The Luckless Immortal. Persus13. Containment: [6v1-2] Impossible, as NSCP-008 has died again. (He respawns, of course.)
The Dark Lords, The Liches, and The Magical Girls clash! [2+5v6+6v2+5+2] The Dark Lords lose Cthulhu, but the others use raw power and teamwork to avoid harm.
Knight Tiger gives up and just joins the Heroes.
Spacetime remembers how screwed up it is. Using some TV Tropes magic, AKA the Random Page button: A Six-Student Clique, someone with a Healing Factor following Cartoonland Time, Briffits and Squeans (various cartoon symbols), someone singing a Cut Song, some kids going Back To School, Future Food which Is Artificial, and a decision not to do this again.
IF YOU WERE SKIPPED, YOU PROBABLY DIED.
No faction leader may have a faction leader bonus greater than half the number of the leader's followers.
Familiars and other weak minions always die with the faction, unless tied closely to the master.
One action per turn.
If you want to make sure your bonus is accounted for, speak up.
PERMANENT HONOR FIELD!
Lich's Collapsed Rebuilt Tower (lich is genus loci; NSCP-001, Site-N01)
Ripped Spacetime
Former Shoehorn Empire
Cheerful Cottage (Site-N02)
NSCP-001: The Living Tower. The lich's tower inhabited by the lich's spirit. Also Site-N01
NSCP-002: The Portal Gun. Xantalos the ASHPD.
NSCP-003: The Pocket Monsters. Pokeballs and -mon.
NSCP-004: The Magical Girls. Magical Girls.
NSCP-005: The Feline Warrior. Knight Tiger. Uncontained.
NSCP-006: The Mad Hatter. TopHat.
NSCP-007: The Dead Walking. Liches. Uncontained.
NSCP-008: The Luckless Immortal. Persus13. Uncontained.
da_nang, Reality-Supporting Dragon from Space (+4 to avoid dying)
Doomblade, Godlike (+3)
Empiricist, Nothinghas Embodiment of YAFB-I (-1; in Narnia)
freeformschooler, Morris Broadband
Furtaka; Pokemon: Arceus (kinda; +3)
Persus13, Immortal? (-2); Pokemon: Gyarados (+2)
Pufferfish, In Pokeland
Knight Tiger (+2)
Healing Factor Cartoonland Time Man
Minor Barrier (-1 to attackers)
Leader: scapheap, Sailor Moon (+2 from faction); Pokemon: Pikachu
Blossom; Pokemon: Charmander
Bubbles; Pokemon: Squirtle
Buttercup; Pokemon: Bulbasaur
Cardcaptor Torika; Pokemon: Porygon
Pam Akumachi; Pokemon: Caterpie
Kitty Pride; Pokemon: Ghastly
Pistachio, GraveHaunter's Daughter, a twice-orphaned Froslass; Pokemon: Self, Abra
Sailor Mars; Pokemon: Voltorb
Sailor Jupiter; Pokemon: Magnetite
Spinal_Taper, Former Crippled Cybernetic Hermaphroditic Improper Fraction Actress/Singer/Etc, Current Guy in a Bathrobe, In Japan
Leader: Lichette (+5, +2 from faction)
Dirg
Embodiment of Magic
Lich (+3)
TowerLich
Leader: Sauron, Badly Wounded (+4, -1 from Wounds, +2 from Faction)
Lieutenant: Hitler (+1 from Faction)
Darth Vader (+2)
Ned Flanders
The Master (+3)
Voldemort (+2)
Dr. Bright
Dr. Clef
Dr. Gears
Agents [REDACTED], [REDACTED], [REDACTED], [REDACTED], and [REDACTED]
12 Research Assistants
SCP-076-2
SCP-105
25 D-Class Personnel
TopHat (+1 to Summoning Hatlings)
100 Hatlings
Xantalos, Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device
Briffits/Squeans
Cut Singer
Schoolkids
Six-Student Clique
█ D-Class Personnel
150 Hatlings
Persus13
Some Shonen