I MUST update tonight! MUST! NOT! RUIN! PERFECT! RECORD!
Angry crotch grows into a humanoid shape, powered by SEXISM.
I continue to kill everything except angry crotch.
[2] Your crotch, sadly, remains crotch-shaped. [4+1] The two of you kill a lot. [1,3,3,6,6,4,3,6,1,3,4] GraveHaunter, two Alexes, the automaton, and a couple women are killed; scapheap, Spinal_Taper, and Alexandra are crippled; and Pistachio is orphaned.
"Hey! That fucker killed Steve! GET 'IM!"
Jump Xantalos with fellow Pokemon!
You are killed, but your daughter tries to pick up your torch! [2] She breaks down and cries.
Grab a vampire from out of nowhere and send the Lich into it's body. Convince Lich to create his own splinter faction.
[2] Sadly, the lich is still stuck in his tower's form.
>PICK UP ANNIHILATION GUN
>ANNIHILATE DOOMBLADE
[5] Doomblade annihilated.
I will call forth the magic girls faction.
[3] You summon Lina Inverse, who is a girl and who is magical. [3] She decides to work with you, but as a Hero.
Make a sequel called "How does genitalia work anyway?"
Become neutral and parent the kids.
[1] You are a horrible parent and get tossed in jail for child abuse.
Become faction leader.
[1] You are cast out of the Alexes, renamed...Arthur. What shame.
Defeat Xantalos in battle.
respawn as old self with awesome sabre, then assist in killing Xantalos
[5] You slay Xantalos.
Respawn as a neanderthal in tacky 70's-style clothing. Also, Neanderthal =/= stupid so don't try to pull any funny business.
[2] You respawn as a stupid neanderthal in tacky clothes.
Play mathematic Geriatric music.
[4-1] You can't play as well since your Accident...
BOSS TURN:
Lina Inverse [4v3] uses Dragon Slave! It is effective against da_nang, as well as a large amount of the surrounding terrain.
Xantalos's crotch drops dead. New rule discovered!
[6] A portal opens, dumping Squidward and Knight Tiger out, alongside Black Mage, Redcloak, and Kermit the Frog.
No faction leader may have a faction leader bonus greater than half the number of the leader's followers.
Familiars and other weak minions always die with the faction, unless tied closely to the master.
Lich's Rebuilt Tower (lich is genus loci)
Popcorn shop set up nearby, with Strengthened Honor Barriers
Persus13, Arthur (-1 from shame)
scapheap, crippled Sakura Kinomoto
Spinal_Taper, Crippled Hermaphroditic Improper Fraction Actress/Singer/Etc
TheZoomZoll, Barney Stinson
Vorthon, stupid neanderthal in tacky clothes
Lina Inverse
Pistachio, GraveHaunter's Daughter, an orphaned Froslass
Leader: GreatWyrmGold, golden dragon (+1)
Nighthide Dragon (black, 1/4 silver)
Stealthy Sharpmawed Stormer Serpent (half-brass-dragon Large viper)
Leader: Squidward, MechaLich (+3)
Leader: Knight Tiger (High Priest to the Machine God; Battle Vestments; Animated Statue) (+1)
Black Mage
Kermit the Frog
Redcloak
Alexes, 10
Alexandra, 1 (crippled)
LordSlowpoke, Popcorn-Shop Owner
Some Women
Several of TheZoomZoll's babies